Would I!
by mrswentworth1904
Summary: The year is '08 and Frederick Wentworth has returned to Kellynch. How will Anne Elliot take the news? What about the formidable Lady Russel and the smitten Charles Musgrove? Written as a follow on from 'When I Returned to England' but can also be read as a stand alone.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One** (September 1809)

Anne Elliot watched the retreating form of Charles Musgrove as it grew smaller.

He had been surprised by her answer, a surprise in its self, as she had never shown any interest in anything other than friendship with him. She certainly never incited matrimony. How could she accept Charles as her husband; to be his wife? She had decided long ago she could never marry, not when she had already given her heart away. Since _his_ leaving had rendered it broken, she could not give it away again. She was firmly against marrying for anything other than love, and so she would remain single living out her life as a spinster.

That look of disappointment on Charles face had been so familiar, it was so similar to another time when another man had given her the same pained look. She hoped Charles would settle on another soon, she had hinted he look toward Mary, she knew her sister held an admiration for him. It was not quite as fierce as her own feelings had been for _him_ back then, but there was an affection to be sure.

Anne worried she may have been a little shorter with Charles than she had intended, he had thrown her off guard when he appeared in her personal secret place. Her sacred spot; the place where _they_ would meet and be together. After the last time, it did not hold the same pleasantness as it had once, indeed it had taken her months before she would set foot there again. Yet she still felt closer to _him_ there than anywhere else, like he was somehow around her still, and to have someone invade that fantasy had irked her somewhat. She had had barely enough time to compose herself from the shock of seeing Charles there, when he had blurted out his proposal.

When_ he_ had asked, he had been just as clumsy and nervous, but she had found it adorable and endearing. With Charles, she felt only discomfort on his behalf and embarrassment for them both.

She sighed and collected her book, there would be no more reading today. She stole herself ready for the onslaught she would receive at her decision to reject Charles, it was then something caught her eye. She looked up towards the meadow in the distance, the one _he_ would always cross to get to her. She remembered back then, it seemed time stood still, it took so long for him to reach her. No matter how quickly he walked toward her it was never quick enough.

She looked again and gasped as her legs almost gave way beneath her. A sight so reminiscent of the past stole the breath from her lungs. It could not be … surely it was a trick of the light, but it looked like...

The gentleman riding the horse disappeared from her view, and Anne concluded herself with the fact she must have imagined the whole thing. She had been thinking of _him_, so her imagination had brought him to life. That was all. _He_ could not have been here. _He_ was hundreds of miles away, or so she had been led to believe from the snippets of information she managed to glean from the newspapers her father read. No, _he_ would never come back here, to her.

She had the sudden urge to call on an old friend. Someone who she had not seen in a while, but who Anne knew would understand why she stayed away, and why now she was ready to be in his company again.

Anne moved quickly and quietly through the gardens, reluctant to be seen by others in the house who would be rising from bed to break their fast, Anne slipped through the servant's entrance next to the kitchen. She has used this way before when she was trying to avoid being seen by well-meaning relations and their guests, long ago when she needed to come and go unnoticed. The cook and other servants who were milling around the kitchen, helping to prepare the breakfast and complete their daily tasks only nodded and smiled as she swept past. They understood. Regrettably Anne knew they must sympathise while her. Her father meant well and Mary, and of course she had Lady Russel; her ever doting God Mother, but none of them would ever take the place of her mother. None of them could even begin to close the gaping hole left in her heart after she passed away, only one had ever come close to making her whole again; to making her feel as loved as her mother had, and now he was gone too.

She had known love and affection of the purest deepest kind; first in her relationship with her dear ma'ma and then with the man she thought she would call her husband. She shook her head attempting to clear it of the thoughts of _him_ and the life she could've had. It would not so to dwell on the past. What would Elizabeth say if she caught her being melancholy again?

She thought of her eldest sister and her distant nature, how Anne wished she could be more like her. Elizabeth had been meant to marry a cousin; their father's heir, a William Elliot. However despite numerous invitations, he had failed to appear at Kellynch and Anne knew her father and sister were restless and somewhat affronted at his ignoring them. Who would not want to spend the summer at Kellynch? Who wouldn't want to marry the ever elegant exquisite Elizabeth Elliot? There were plenty of hopeful young eligible men in Somersetshire and beyond who would. Yet her family's arrogance and belief that none were good enough for such a beauty as Elizabeth meant that at four and twenty, she was still single.

Anne made it all the way to her chamber without being seen. She disposed of her book and picked up her shawl, despite being near the end of September, it was still pleasant enough to forgo her pelisse. After changing her shoes to something more appropriate for walking, she was back down the back stairs and out of the kitchen door.

Once outside she let go of the breath she had been holding and breathed in the fresh air before starting at a swift pace over the meadow in the direction of her friends cottage. Half way there she noticed her God Mothers carriage as it went past on its way to the Hall. Anne had guiltily hidden behind a tree in the hopes that she had not been seen. She knew she would have to face her -them all- at some point that day, and explain her actions, but not just yet. As soon as the coast was clear, she went on her way.

The humble cottage with its old apple tree dominating its garden came into view and Anne felt herself relax and tense simultaneously. She was relieved she had held her nerve and arrived, and yet at the same time felt the sudden urge to run far away. She braced herself, straightening her shoulders and knocked on the old oak door. There was no answer. She knocked again, a little louder this time – still nothing. She was just about to give up when she heard a voice from the garden behind the house.

"Hello?"

"Hello?" she called back.

The man walked around to meet her. He was wearing an old smock covered in grass stains and patches of mud, a pair of gardening shoes, a wide brimmed hat shielding his face and held a paring knife in one hand. His eyes took in his visitor and widened in surprise before he smiled warmly at her. "Miss Anne."

"Hello Mr Wentworth." She paused, "I wonder if we may speak a while."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Edward Wentworth could hardly contain his astonishment, in the space of just a couple of hours, he had received a call from his brother – a rarity in itself- and having just bid Frederick farewell, Edward now found his once close acquaintance Miss Anne Elliot on his doorstep. He thought for a moment of his brother and Miss Anne; two young people once so close, so much to each other, pulled apart and alone for the past two years and a half. Could their bond be so strong still one had sensed when the other was near? He liked to think it was, if only because it gave him hope there was still a chance for them.

Anne was looking at him expectantly, he quickly put down his tools and removed his gloves. "Yes of course, shall we go inside?"

Anne nodded sweetly and followed him into his small house. She had been there before; a handful of times, during the beginning when they first met to examine his small yet impressive collection of books, and to borrow where she could. The library at Kellynch having become somewhat depleted over the years since her mother's death. Shelves crammed with books were not to Elizabeth's liking. She hated to have the library cluttered. The books had been moved and packed away – and lately Anne suspected- sold on to help finance her father and sister's expensive lifestyle. Then later, after his brother had arrived, she had been as intrigued as all the other ladies in the parish to meet the mysterious sailor. Yet, instead of being overwhelmed when she finally did, she had asked relevant questions and enquired about his life and profession with a rare genuine interest Frederick had found surprising and endearing.

Almost after their first meeting, Edward had sensed something between his brother and Sir Walter's middle daughter. He had known then it would likely end badly, that any affection on his younger sibling's side would be fruitless. The likes of the Elliots' would not be joined to the Wentworths' in any way, least of all matrimonially, but he had been too much of a romantic, too much of a believer in hope and faith and the divine intervention that came with his profession. He had clung on to the words – _what if?_ What if love could conquer all and they were meant to be, that they could be the exception to the rule. It had been known in the past, not always ending badly. He was sure if there were two people who could make it work, it was these two.

The way he spoke of her almost constantly dropping her name into every conversation as if he wasn't he was aware he was doing it, and she, as her eyes surveyed him with far too much regard and followed him about the room, on the rare occasion he strayed from her side. So it had been of no surprise to Edward that, after only a short time, his brother asked for the lady's hand. He had thought that would be the end of it, either Sir Walter would flatly refuse him and they would all have to live with the consequences, or they would marry and forever be happy. The curate had never considered a third option. That, instead of refusing, Sir Walter had not even bothered himself with giving an answer one way or the other.

From what he had gotten out of Frederick later, The Baronet had seemed shocked anyone would even consider Anne, and when that shock had worn off, he had been outraged that Frederick could have the audacity to even approach him. He hadn't denied him consent, but it hadn't been freely offered either. He had said something about needing time to consider, to speak with Anne's trusted God Mother and best friend of his late wife, Lady Russel. Edward had seen this as a sign of bad news to come. Yet his brother; young and in love, had taken it as a 'yes' and already considered himself an engaged man busily planning his future. For a brief few days it seemed they truly were the exception, then the unthinkable happened. The blow that would sever their once strong bond, and part them came from the most unlikely source: Anne herself.

Edward had never learned the particulars or the content of that last conversation which took place between the affianced couple. Frederick had returned so angry, so vengeful, so broken hearted, his brother had only gleamed glimpses from his ranting, but whatever her reasons, the results were the same; Anne had broken their engagement and released him. Frederick wasted no time in ridding himself of her very existence. Refusing to speak her name or talk of the details at all, he stayed only the few hours it took him to ready himself for his journey. Once packed and a horse hired, he took off at full speed to Whitehall. And from them to the Asp.

What followed had been over two torturous years – for them both- contrary to Frederick's belief. For it was Edward's adamant belief, that Miss Anne herself had suffered most acutely. He watched while the once vibrant and witty young lady withered before his eyes. How her once endearing shyness became cripplingly over powering, she barely looked anyone in the eye anymore and her visits to the young curate's cottage ceased immediately. She showed no enjoyment in parties, and when he saw at her an assembly, he got the impression she was only there under duress and for appearances sake more than want. She refused to dance or laugh. As if the very idea of living was too much. And it saddened Edward greatly.

He had no doubt his brother suffered too, though he would not show it. He had stayed away, finding excuses not to visit his family even when ashore for a few days. Edward concluded it was because they knew him so well and they would see through his brave façade. This seclusion and almost pathological need to prove himself, had served him well in his career. For he had prospered, proving to doubters wrong and accomplishing all that he had set out to do. His time aboard the Asp, despite being thwarted with danger and the chance of sinking, had only propelled him to new heights within the Navy. He had caught the attention of certain senior officers that had it in their power to further his ambitions and furthered it was. For when after almost three years, that very day his brother had returned to Monkford to see his elder brother, it was as a Captain Wentworth of the Laconia.

Edward looked again at his unplanned companion – did she know? Is that why she was there? Had she seen him? Had he been to see her? He busiest himself a few minutes more with the tea things before settling back in his chair. He noticed for the first time she had taken the seat where his troubled brother had sat just a few hours before. Putting all thoughts of his younger sibling out of his mind, he concentrated solely on his guest. "Now Miss Anne, to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"

Anne was still conscious of the fact she had barely said more than hello to the curate in the past two and a half years and yet he was so welcoming. She knew time was a great healer – or so some said, but she was expecting him to be angry with her still – quite rightly – or at least indifferent, but he seemed just as warm as he had ever been, as if she had only seen him the day before. She looked around the cottage briefly looking for changes – finding none. It was as if she _had _only been there the day before. She thought of her beloved Kellynch, of how between her sister Elizabeth's penchant need for redecoration, and her father's obsession with the looking glass, the home their mother had created now seemed a distant memory.

The furniture in this humble room was mismatched and draped with doilies she was in no doubt had been gifts from Mr Wentworth's well-meaning parishioners attempting to care for the poor young man living alone. The three armchairs where once she had shared tea with the Curate and… The curtains at the small windows were the same fabric; just a little faded by the sun. Everything was the same. The only subtle difference, an item that stuck out like it did not belong, was a pair of leather riding gloves on the dresser. They were of good quality; a gentleman's gloves. Anne knew Edward did not care for riding, preferring -much like herself- to walk everywhere. She doubted he was in the habit of spending good money on such frivolities either. The fact they were thrown haphazardly on the side instead of put away in a drawer somewhere like everything else drew her to the conclusion they did not belong to Mr Wentworth. Her eyes suddenly went wide. "Oh I do beg your pardon, do you have company?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Edward hesitated for a moment, trying to understand what or who she could possibly mean, when his eyes caught hers and strayed to the culprit. The gloves. _Frederick's gloves._ He had been in such a hurry he had forgotten then. Edward rose quickly. He had not yet decided whether it would do anyone any good for Anne to know her once betrothed had been sat in that very chair she was seated in now, that very morning. He was intending concealing the knowledge for as long as possible. He hastily tidied the gloves away in the drawer closing it with a soft thud and coming to stand in front of it as if shielding it would expunge their existence from her mind.

He realised somewhat too late his actions had done nothing but peek Anne's curiosity further.

"No," he blurted out. "No, no, there's ono one here. They…" he looked behind him at the drawer and then back at Anne. "…They were left behind by one of my parishioners yesterday and I have yet to return them." Anne nodded and smiled. Edward attempted to return the smile but felt too guilty. He had lied. He had lied to a lovely young woman he had once hoped he would one day call his sister. He was disgusted in himself. All he could cling to, was the fact it was in her best interests. Learning Frederick had been there would only distress her.

Anne took a sip from her tea cup as he came to sit back down, avoiding his eyes she said softly, "A man asked me to marry him today."

The news to Edward, although expected still surprised him in that she had not said she was engaged, only that someone had offered. He frowned. "And how did young Mr Musgrove take the rejection?"

Anne almost choked on her tea. "How could you possibly know who and that I had?"

Edward smiled sheepishly, "I know Charles intended to ask you, and by the way you told it, you did not give me reason to believe you were to be congratulated." he explained.

Anne shook her head, "you should be a constable."

Edward struggled to contain his composure at Anne's words, they were so close to something his brother has said earlier that day. Again he thought of telling her that Frederick had returned, but he was too intrigued as to why she had turned down a kind reputable man from a good family, who he knew would not be rejected by her own. "You do not have to tell me, but-"

"You want to know why I refused his kind offer." She looked up at him. He only smiled back more sheepishly than before. She offered him a half smile in return. "I know everyone will no doubt think me mad. Here I am, no longer a young girl, I have no other offers." She paused blushing. "Everyone would no doubt think it the perfect match. Charles is a good man and he would have strove to make me happy. I know this. With Mary back from school and Elizabeth still expected to make a union with father's heir any day, it would all be so perfect."

"Except?" Edward interrupted sensing there was something she wanted to get off her chest, the real reason behind her impromptu visit.

"Except," she took a deep breath in, shutting her eyes as she exhaled. "Except he is not _him_."

Edward felt his stomach tighten and then drop with the realisation that the young woman in front of him at two and twenty was every bit the same young girl she had been at nineteen, and as he suspected all along, still in love with the man she had then, his brother Frederick. Now he had to decide what to do with this new piece of information. He was already concealing so much, he would be a complete fraud stepping in to the church. "Anne," he began.

"No I know." She opened her eyes but held her head in her hands. "I know I should not feel like this, I do not have any right to love him still. I lost that right two years and a half ago, but I cannot help it. I cannot bring myself to love anyone else. The idea of calling someone else husband; to take any name but that of Wentworth as my own, no matter how well matched or happy I should be, I would not. I could not." she shut her eyes again.

After her confession, the pair sat in silence, each contemplating the gravity of her declaration. Edward was conscious of his brother words – or more what he had not said- gnawing away at him. He was sure Frederick felt the same, though he would never admit it. He was still recovering from his broken heart and was unlikely to risk it again. But Edward had seen his reaction when he thought her betrothed to another. He was no match maker, but perhaps -just perhaps- the situation was not as hopeless as they all singularly feared. "Anne, why did you come here?"

Her eyes flew open, looking at him fearfully.

"I do not mind that you did. I am glad." he clarified, attempting to ease her. "But with all of your friends and family around you, I wonder why it is you have not gone to them with your confession."

"Because it is exactly that; a confession. Of sorts. I needed to get it out in the open. To tell someone, one who would not judge me despite our history, and someone who would keep my secret. For it must stay secret." She leaned forward towards him. "Please promise me you will not say anything to anyone. Least of all _him_. I am only telling you now, because I know he is far, far, away. I am in no danger of him learning the truth."

Edward could barely meet her eyes he felt so ashamed. "Why does that bother you so? Him knowing the truth."

Anne opened her mouth but thought better of it and stopped herself. A few seconds passed before she finally spoke. "How is he? I mean that is… I know he is a Captain now, of the Laconia." Edward didn't fail to notice the pride in her voice as she spoke of his brother's achievements, or how much her mouth lifted at one corner in the beginnings of a smile as though talking of him brought her happiness.

"That is about the limit of my knowledge. I know nothing of him, if he is happy." She dropped her head again. "Settled." she added quietly. "Is he pleased at his accomplishments? I do not wish to intrude or to come between you and your brother. I know your loyalty must lie with him, and I realise you have not seen him in for over two three years." She stood and moved to the window. "Sometimes I cannot help but feel his absence from your life, is my fault. I am sure he would have returned to the area had it not been my home also."

Edward readied himself to finally confess his own secrets when Anne continued. "Is he content? He has that what he always dreamed and wished for, I presume he must be." she added sorrowfully.

_Not everything_. Edward thought sadly. He knew what she was getting at, what she wanted to know, why it was she had kept her own feelings from him. Now, after all this time, she imagined him to have forgotten her, to have perhaps moved on to someone new, found happiness. He could put her right on that at least. "Anne my brother is not-" But his speech was interrupted by a knock on the front door. They both froze wondering who it could be and what they would think to find Anne Elliot taking tea with the local curate, so soon after she had rejected a proposal of marriage from another man.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Captain Frederick Wentworth tried in vain to relax his muscles, he knew that sitting so tense in the saddle would not make his journey any easier. He only had a short distance to ride before the horse would be given up and exchanged for a place on a coach to convey him the remainder of his journey to Whitehall. However short his ride, he must be careful in his seat, else he would feel it the morning after. He shut his eyes for the briefest moment in an attempt at regaining his calm and control. He must stay in control and not give in to the feelings tearing away at him from the inside out.

He had thought of _her_ over the past few years, he had become accustomed to his situation. That his once broken heart although never fully healed, had erected itself a wall protecting him, making him numb and oblivious to those kind of feelings. It had meant no romantic entanglements; how could he? If he was to lower his defences enough to even consider loving another, it would open him up to the past all over again. And yet despite all that, all the speeches to the contrary, he had fled his brother's house knowing he had felt something.

On learning she was to marry another, he had felt anger and frustration, and jealously. He hadn't wanted to, he hadn't thought himself capable of it and yet he had. He had tried to hate her, to forget her. The thought of _her_ marrying someone else and being out of his life forever, should bring him nothing but joy and yet he had felt nothing but envy for the man who would get to call her his wife.

He had imagined one day in the future coming back to Kellynch, being once again in the assembly rooms, moving once more in the same circles and they would meet, she with her husband, he with either some young beautiful girl on his arm, or in search of one. He would have shook hands with the man, introduced himself, and all the time she would be stood staring between them wondering whether or not he would let slip the true nature of their past acquaintance. Of how close they had once been. And all he would feel would be triumph and power. He would have accomplished all he had said he would, and she would have … settled. She would address him as Captain Wentworth and he her as Mrs Whatever-her-name was, all the while them both knowing he had loved her first; held her first and kissed her – however innocently – first. He may not have her forever, but Frederick knew he had her, and her heart, first.

But seeing her today across that meadow in their secret place with another, knowing what that man was there to do, had left Frederick wishing he would never look upon her beautiful face again, for fear of the pain being too much. That he could not be introduced to her husband, to hear another man call her his wife, to see his hands upon hers, to imagine her in anyone's bed but his. He would not be able to mock that man, he would only wish he was as lucky as he. And pray that man deserved her.

He had the sudden urge to return to Kellynch and beg her not to make another mistake. He couldn't believe she loved another. Their love had been swift but strong, he had known almost upon meeting her, she was the one he was meant to be with forever, the more time they spent together only cemented that fact. When they parted, he had himself believe she had never loved him, it was the excuse he needed to leave, to leave her. If he had thought there was anything worth fighting for, he would have stayed. He couldn't believe that anyone who truly loved another, like he had loved her, could put that other person through so much heart ache.

The past couple of years he had time to think on it though, he had started to wonder if she did love him. No one could fake the closeness between them, that intimacy or her actions. She was comfortable around him, shared her secrets with him. No woman would do that unless she truly believed she was to be with him forever. Would she?

To him she had been his other half, and the almost three years he had spent just existing, was testament to that fact. He had been parted from the other half of his heart and soul, and he had barely survived. But he could not... He would not risk the chance of being refused again, of that humiliation. He was too proud. Edward had applied for his own curacy and with any luck he would get one far away from Kellynch and all its memories.

For it was the memoires which brought him the most distress, not the bad but the good. All the times he had shared with her, the dances, the long walks, the conversations, her humour, her flirting when she did not even know it. Her innocence and shyness around others that would all but disappear when she was alone with him. He helped her out of her shell and forced her to soar while in return she would ground him when he had the tendency to fly off. He missed that more than anything. Romantic feelings aside, they had been friends and he missed her opinion, her stories and her voice.

He missed _her._

The lapse in his concentration had let his horse stray, he jerked the reins to straighten them back up, as he did the leather slid quickly though his hands burning enough to sting and reminding him of that which he had forgotten. "Blast! My gloves." he cried into the empty road. He had left them at his brothers, never mind, he could easily purchase another pair. It didn't warrant turning back, enduring another ride in the opposite direction. The horse slowed and he realised it was at his behest. He pulled it to a complete stop and tried to think. It was ridiculous to even consider travelling all the way back just for a pair of gloves. He would then have the journey back to think of. For it would be too late to set out again, he would have missed the coach. He would be forced to stay at Edwards until the morrow and set off again then. But what was he thinking? It would be better not to think on it at all.

He kicked at the horse turning him around to move on forward. He would not go back, not for a pair of gloves. _Not for anything_. He rode on for twenty more minutes, each step further away from the past he felt it pulling him back. He stopped the horse once more, the beast sounding his displeasure. "Damn and blast!" he called out. He had to know, he _needed_ to know. He would go back for the gloves, see Edward and hear him say it. He needed to hear the words before he had any chance of going back to his ship. His head would never be clear.

For the final time, he pulled on the reins and turned the horse around completely, giving the horse the incentive it needed, he drove the animal quickly back to Monkford.

Just over an hour and a half later, Frederick and his less than enthusiastic horse found themselves back at the home of Edward Wentworth. Frederick dismounted and surged towards the door, banging loudly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Edward put down his tea cup and walked nervously to the front door. Anne's eyes were on his back, he could feel it. He opened the door and new instantly his conversation with Anne was over. As on the doorstep, was the last person he expected to see.

"Good Morning." he spluttered out.

"Good Morning Mr Wentworth. I wonder, is my God Daughter here?" Lady Russel looked at him expectantly.

Edward was both surprised at her knowing Anne was there, and also at the fact she even knew this to be his house. There was a noise behind him and Anne appeared at his side.

"Lady Russel? How? …what?"

"I wonder Mr Wentworth if we could perhaps continue this conversation inside?"

Remembering himself, Edward jumped out of the way, "of course, do please come in." He gestured the way into the small sitting room with his arm. Anne eyed him warily as she followed the other lady inside. It appeared she was every bit at a loss as to the reason for the other woman's appearance as he.

Inside, his once cosy room seemed impossibly cramped, his homeliness untidy. It was pointless to try and alter that then, the other lady had already seated herself in the hard back chair by the window no one else favoured when they visited. Anne returned to hers, leaving Edward to lastly sit.

"Is anything wrong at the Hall?" asked Anne nervously.

"No my dear, other than your unexpected absence. We, that is your family and I, had thought you would return to the house after –" She paused, looking at Edward suspiciously.

He surmised she was trying to ascertain if he knew about Musgrove's offer or not. Sensing her need to speak with her God Daughter privately, Edward rose, "if you please excuse me, Lady Russel, Miss Anne. I will just go and get some more tea things." They exchanged nods and Edward gladly left the sitting room for the kitchen.

Lady Russel expressed her obvious relief at him leaving. "Now, Anne. What on earth are you doing here? _Here_ of all places. We had hoped you would have some news. News you would wish to share with your family and myself." She smiled knowingly.

Anne shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Tell me, am I the only one who was not aware of Charles intention to propose?"

"So he did make you an offer." Lady Russel sat forward staring intently at Anne.

"He did."

"So why have you come here? Why did you not return to the house in order to be congratulated by your family? Unless-" She stopped herself again and her smile faltered. "Oh Anne-" she shook her head sadly.

"I could not accept." said Anne solemnly. She knew her mind was made up and this time there would be no persuading her otherwise. Her eyes were blurry and yet the tears were not for Charles. She may have been persuaded at nineteen not to marry, but at two and twenty she was far from being as easily manipulated into marrying someone she did not love. "Charles is a wonderful man," she said aloud. "And he will make someone a very good husband. But not me."

"But why Anne? He is of a good family, your father had already given him his consent. And we all offered him our blessings."

Anne felt a sudden rage inside of her. Where were all their kind words, blessings and consents when she wanted them two years ago? Just because Charles stood to inherit a wealthy estate. "I have given him my answer and I stand by it. I will not marry him. I have suggested he look towards Mary, my sister seems to have some affection for him."

Lady Russel t'sked. "Mary dreams only of Uppercross, of being her own mistress in her own home. She is the youngest of three sisters, she would marry anyone who offered her a way out. As would any youngest daughter. And she will have the chance, but not now. You are two and twenty Anne, and since all that _unpleasantness_ years ago, I have watched you wither and fade. There are few men left who remember you for who you are. Putting it bluntly my dear, I worry you will be short of other offers in the future."

Anne felt her cheeks heat but it was not from embarrassment, she was angry. "I am not sure I ever want to be married." she admitted quietly.

Her God Mother rolled her eyes. Edward continued rattling in the kitchen dragging out his tea making duties as long as possible. Lady Russel heard him and as if realising for the first time where she was, her eyes widened. "This is nothing to do with _him_ is it?"

"Him?" Anne looked over her shoulder towards the kitchen at Edward all the while knowing full well who her God Mother was really talking about.

"Is that why you are here?" Lady Russel looked around the cottage in distaste. "Is _he_ back?"

It was pointless feigning ignorance. Anne sighed. "No, he will never return." _You and father made sure of that_, she thought to herself. "I came here because I needed to gather myself before returning to you all." It was partially true. "How did you know I was here?" she enquired.

"You were seen by my driver as we travelled to the Hall. I had thought him mistaken, but your absence at breakfast made me wonder."

Edward chose that moment to return with fresh tea and a few slices of the cake he had been saving. "Please excuse me my tardiness."

The ladies smiled tightly but said nothing. Anne shuffled forward in her seat. "Allow me." Her hand was trembling as she lifted the tea pot. She willed it to steady knowing her God Mother's eyes were fixed on her. Her task completed, the unlikely trio sipped their tea in silence.

Lady Russel was the first to finish, putting her cup and saucer down deliberately. She looked at Anne. "Well my dear, I do believe we have taken up enough of Mr Wentworth's time. Let us be going back to Kellynch, your father will be wondering where you are."

Anne and Edward exchanged glances knowing it was pointless to argue. Their short time together, was at an end. Anne would have to try and construe another meeting so that could continue their discussion another time. Now she had to face her family's interrogation. She replaced her half-finished cup of tea and its saucer to the table. They all rose and Edward showed the ladies out, feeling once again assured that Anne's life without his brother was every bit as miserable as Fredrick's without her.

He watched through the window as the grand carriage pulled away until it was a small dot on the horizon. Sighing, he went about putting away the tea things he had just brought out. Contenting himself with the fact neither lady had touched her cake, and so he could still look forward to a slice with his supper later. He had just finished putting everything away when there was another knock at the door. He hurried to answer it, wondering who could be possibly calling on him now. He had never had so many visits in once morning.

In his rush, he did not see the item on the chair left behind by his previous visitor.

He opened the heavy wooden door and came face to face with a dishevelled "Frederick!"

His brother staggered through the door. Edward noticed he was sweating and agitated. "Frederick" he repeated. "Whatever is the matter? Why are you back so soon?"

Frederick had paused just inside the parlour as a familiar scent enveloped him and stole the thoughts from his brain and words from his mouth. He took a deep breath in and almost stumbled under the weight of the past. He leaned heavily against the wall and shook his head trying to pull himself together. His brother was at his side in an instant.

"Frederick whatever is wrong? You look as if you have seen a ghost?"

"I …" he blinked rapidly. "I am well." he said gruffly. His senses were playing tricks on him. "Just a little tired from the ride back." he lied.

"Why are you back again?" Edward repeated.

"I came for… my gloves." he answered weakly.

"You rode all the way back, for a pair of gloves? Why not let me send them on, or purchase another pair?" the curate asked suspiciously.

Frederick was pacing the small room wringing his hands. Something caught his eyes and he stopped. "I needed to know-" he said slowly, bending to pick something up from the back of the arm chair, before Edward could see what it was or ask him to finish what he was about to say, there was _another_ knock at the door.

"Lord save us!" he said under his breath before rushing to answer it. All he needed now was _another _visitor.

Frederick didn't notice the knock, or his brother going to answer it, he was too pre-occupied with the item at his feet. He bent to pick it up. The soft material sliding through his fingers. Without thinking he brought the fabric to his face and breathed it in. _Anne._ He didn't know for sure the shawl was hers, it could have belonged to someone else, someone who favoured the same lavender scent, but he could feel it. He knew deep inside it was hers, she had been there, in his brother's house. Since he left this morning. Why? To discuss her upcoming nuptials? Had her fiancée joined her? It had been a mistake coming back. He should have carried on, not listened to his gut - despite it never seeing him wrong in the past. He was confused and shaken. He would use his night at Edwards to right himself once and for all before leaving for the Laconia.

He heard voices in the hall; Edward apologising and … someone else. Before he had the chance to even think about who that voice belonged to, or what his reaction should be, it was too late. They were face to face for the first time in almost three years.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Anne walked ahead of Edward Wentworth fretting about bothering him again and apologising for being so forgetful in the first place. If it wasn't for the fact she did not see herself returning to the curate's home in the foreseeable future, she would have left her shawl. But she had insisted she come back for it and her God Mother had permitted the carriage to return. As she entered the small room she had only just left, she stopped her rambling suddenly, the breath catching in her chest. It couldn't be.

He was larger than he was, the once young man's physique and boyish good looks were almost gone, and a rugged handsome man stared back at her. His arms and shoulders were broader, he seemed to fill the space. But his eyes- they were just the same. He looked as shocked to see her as she was him. His hands were clutching something she realised belatedly was her shawl. The one she had come back for, she opened her mouth to say something when Edward came between them, as if he were afraid of what would happen if they were left alone. She looked at him questionably. Why hadn't he mentioned he had returned? She would never have stayed, never have forced Lady Russel to bring her back. Remembering her God Mother waiting outside she stifled a gasp, chewing on her bottom lip. _Lady Russel was just outside_, if she knew, if Frederick – she looked up at him again, he was still staring at her, now in disbelief rather than shock. As if he didn't quite recognise her.

In truth he didn't.

When Frederick first laid eyes on Anne in that parlour, he couldn't believe the difference in her. She was so altered, he would not have known her. And yet, it was her – her scent, her facial features; most particularly her eyes and lips. Those which had drawn him to her so inexplicably two and a half years ago were the same. She was thinner, and paler, with noticeable shadows under her eyes. Her posture was more slumped and she seemed entirely more withdrawn and smaller somehow, in her dowdy dress and severe hair style, but she was still Anne.

The tension mounting between them was palpable, neither dare open their mouth for fear of what they would say. Edward had stood stoic in the centre of the room, his eyes flitting back and forth between them, not sure whom needed his protection most. Finally Anne – in constant fear of her God Mother appearing to discover what had kept her – summoned the courage from who knew where and looked up at Edward, "I am sorry Mr Wentworth. I forgot my shawl. I only came back to retrieve it, and I shall be on my way."

Edward looked from Anne, to the shawl his brother grasped in both hands, and back to Anne in bewilderment. Was she really not going to mention the sudden shock appearance of her one time love? Frederick was lost in his own thoughts. She hadn't mentioned him. Hadn't addressed him, hadn't even acknowledged his presence in the room. Was this who they were now? Suddenly, his anger returned, he stepped forward, thrusting the garment into Edward's unsuspecting hands and left the room without a bye nor leave.

Anne jumped at his abruptness. He hadn't spoken to her. He had only looked upon her with such incivility and indifference, she felt like a stranger to him. No, worse than a stranger, fore she now knew with certainty what she had once wondered; he had not forgiven her decision and had no intention of being acquainted with her again. Her eyes were wet, she cast them down to the floor unable to meet the curates gaze.

Sensing her sorrow and embarrassment at the hands of his cold hearted brother, he quickly stepped forward and handed her the shawl gently. She took it willingly, holding it to her like it was an anvil anchoring her down and stopping her from falling back, and went towards the front door. Just before he opened it, Edward took a breath in letting it out slowly. "I did not know he would be calling. He was here earlier though, and those _were_ his gloves." he sighed guiltily. "I should have told you."

"There was no need." she bit back fresh tears. "It is your house, he is your brother; you are free to see him whenever you wish. I only hope I have not disturbed your visit."

Edward shook his head sadly, "Miss Anne, you should know, you are welcome here whenever you like. I enjoy our conversation and hope for it once more to continue. I am sorry we were unable to conclude our earlier discussion." The curate's words regarding their earlier meeting worried Anne he would tell Frederick of her confession. She opened her mouth to plead with him not to say anything, when he put his hand on hers in a friendly gesture. "Do not worry, whatever you have said today is between us and the lord, and will remain so for as long as you wish." he assured her.

Anne shoulders sagged with relief. "Thank you."

She wanted to say more, she longed to ask how long his visitor was expected to stay. Was there any chance their paths could cross again?" As if reading her mind Edward smiled. "I hope we shall see you again soon Miss Anne. Do not be a stranger to us here."

The use of 'us' had been deliberate and Anne took it as a sign it was meant to be. Edward knew there was unfinished business between his brother and Miss Anne and he was hinting he would attempt to help her. She nodded her understanding and left.

All the way back to Kellynch Hall she hoped her body would not betray her feelings in front of her God Mother; _he was back_, back in the neighbourhood amongst them once more. For however long she would make the most of it; she would gather her strength, rid herself of her cowardice and confront him. There were things which needed to be said, things that should have been said two years ago. She wouldn't give up this second chance at explaining herself and her actions so easily.

Once they were alone, Edward fell into his chair exhausted from just being there with them. Frederick came back in and did the same. "You could have warned me." he said solemnly, but there was no malice behind his words.

Edward sighed. "She arrived just after you had left his morning, and left just before you returned. She wanted to talk about-" he paused looking at his brother and remembering his promise to Miss Anne.

"About?" Frederick pushed.

"Things."

"Things?"

"_Things _that are not my place to divulge. You will have to ask Miss Anne yourself should you wish to know more."

Frederick made a grunting noise. "You know that is impossible."

"No I do not know! I know only what you chose to tell me at the time, before you ran off to the Asp. And now you have the chance to see her again, and you chose to leave again. Or have you forgotten our conversation this morning?"

"I have forgotten nothing. I was not running away then, nor do I now. I have a job to do. I am the Captain of the Laconia."

"Then why venture here in the first place?"

"I came to see my brother. I had thought he would want to see me also." snapped Frederick.

Edward rolled his eyes. "And now you return for, what was it? Your gloves? Nothing to do with the knowledge I imparted on you this morning. That another was to offer his hand to Miss Anne Elliot." Frederick's eyes flew open, shaking his head, but Edward would not give him the chance to contradict him. "Then I find you here clutching Miss Anne's shawl to you like it was some long lost possession you had just rediscovered. I was here, in the room, with the pair of you Frederick. The atmosphere between you was thick with unanswered questions and the need to know each-other's thoughts. But now I suppose you will be gone _again_ in the morning, leaving Miss Anne more confused than ever."

Frederick opened his mouth at last to tell his brother how wrong he was, then he closed it again and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his hand and hating the fact his hands now smelt of the shawl; _of her_. "So what _do_ you suggest I do?" he asked quietly.

"Stay!" his brother implored. "Stay as long as you can, and speak with her. Clear the air between you once and for all."

"How am I supposed to do that? When she is locked up there, in that prison they call a home, with the very people guarding her, who were so successful in parting us last time." He shook his head. "And now she is betrothed to another, it is impossible." he repeated.

Edward smiled. "I am sure my brilliant resourceful brother Captain Frederick Wentworth will find a way."

Frederick frowned. "So it is true; she is engaged to be married to another."

Edward managed to suppress his smile. "Speak with Miss Anne." With that he got up and walked back into his kitchen. Clearly things were not over and done with between them, he knew how much Miss Anne felt, he could tell how Frederick felt, now he just needed them to tell each other.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews 'Would I' has gotten so far. Yes I am back to writing Frederick and Anne, I can't stop myself, and have three stories on the go right now. Hopefully these will be uploaded soon. For now back to Kellynch...**

**Chapter Seven**

The bumps and jerks of Lady Russel's carriage, did nothing to loosen the knots in Anne's stomach. She was trying her upmost to keep any trace of her distress a secret from her God Mother – not only would the woman be displeased at his return, Anne doubted Lady Russel would believe she had been unaware. Hadn't she just asked her if he had returned? And Anne had denied it. It was the truth when she spoke the words. But he had been there earlier, and he had returned. But why? To see his brother was of course the obvious answer, but Anne couldn't help but remember his big hands clasping her shawl as if he daren't let it go. He had been shocked to see her there, was that why he had not spoken? She thought back on her own words, _she_ had greeted _him._ Hadn't she?

She had said the words in her mind "How do you do Captain Wentworth?" But had they actually left her lips? It would account for his sudden departure. _Another misunderstanding_. Would they ever be rid of them? She looked across at her God Mother, but she was looking out of the window, her mouth tight, her jaw set. She was unhappy at Anne's choices, she knew it would cause embarrassment and some awkwardness between the neighbouring families. But the Musgroves' were good people, and kind, and Anne could not believe they would hold it against her. The carriage slowed and she realised with a heavy heart she was home.

She had barely removed her bonnet and gloves, when she was being led into the parlour with her father and Elizabeth. Lady Russel swiftly behind her. "Well?" her father stood by the fire admiring his reflection in the large looking glass above.

Anne opened her mouth to tell him what had happened when Lady Russel spoke. "Sir Walter, perhaps we could have a word, privately?"

Sir Walter was never a patient man, he shook his head. "Is there to be a wedding or not?"

"Not" Anne answered. All eyes were immediately fixed on her.

"You mean Musgrove did not offer?" exclaimed her father.

"He did ask, I refused." Anne faced them head on, hiding her fear. It would not do for them to think she could waiver in her decision. She would not.

Lady Russel's gaze dropped. Elizabeth looked furious and her father shocked. He came towards her. "You refused? Why? Why Anne? You are no longer a slip of a girl, you do nothing to help yourself, your dress and hair, and complexion are all …" he trailed off unable to think of a word that would not outright insult his daughter. "You will be lucky to ever gain another's affection, or warrant another offer."

_So I have been told_, Anne said to herself quietly. "I am not sure I want another offer." she said aloud.

"So you mean to remain here, a constant burden on me."

Anne had not thought of it that way, but she would not back down.

Elizabeth who had for so far remained silent, stood. "You are so selfish Anne."

"Selfish?" Anne cried in disbelief. "Surely selfish would have been to marry him for the sake of it. I do not love Charles Musgrove. It would have been unfair on him. If you are all so concerned with my upkeep, then I would be happy to try and find a profession that allows me to pay my way."

Lady Russel and her father turned white.

"_Profession_ …"

"An Elliott daughter … _paid work_."

"And what about Mr Elliot?" asked Elizabeth.

"What does our cousin have to do with this?" Anne asked perplexed.

"It would have been the perfect opportunity for him to visit. A family wedding. Now he may never have the excuse to come to Kellynch." Elizabeth pouted.

Anne did not want to make matters between them worse by asking the obvious – why was it, if he was so smitten with Elizabeth, did he need an excuse to call at all? "Where is Mary?" she asked in an attempt at changing the subject.

"She is upstairs _indisposed_. She at least will be glad to hear the news." Elizabeth smirked. "She has been moping around ever since she learned of Charles' intention to propose."

Anne smiled to herself, she had been certain there was something there, for Mary at least, and Charles too, if he would just allow himself to look. He deserved a second chance at happiness. Everyone did. She thought of Frederick. She needed to see him. But she first had to endure another hour of questions and demands on her time. When at last they were done with her, and topics had moved on to more important things like what colour they should redecorate the formal dining room, she was able to make her excuse and escape. She went upstairs, keen to at least make one person more at ease.

She knocked on her sister's door and hearing her wail of 'come in' she entered. Mary was strewn out across her bed, still in her night clothes, an arm flung across her face dramatically. Anne stifled a laugh at her youthful stupidity. At just seventeen fresh from school, she had no notion of true devastation and upset or pain of a broken heart. Anne was glad for her. Mary opened one eye. "Oh it is you. I suppose you are here to share your happy news. Your fortune at a match well made."

"Not yet."

Mary sat up. "Do you mean he did not offer?"

Anne controlled the urge to roll her eyes at everyone's presumptions of her and Charles. She sat down on the edge of the bed. "He did. But I refused."

"You, you, refused? Why?"

"We should not suit. I see Charles only as a friend, like a brother. I think deep down he knows that."

"So you are not going to marry Charles."

"No." Anne confirmed. Mary smiled brightly and Anne could not help but smile back. "That's better." She stroked her sister's cheeks. "You know I always cheer you. Come along, get dressed and out of this room."

Mary nodded.

A short while later, Anne found herself out of doors once more. She knew where she had to go and if she didn't do it as soon as possible, she would be too afraid.

After a quick luncheon where neither brother had had the inclination to converse, Frederick decided he needed fresh air. The small cottage once so homely and welcoming, stifled him, as did his brothers constant worrying looks. He abandoned his horse, not only did it deserve a rest, but he fancied himself a walk. It had been an age since he had walked the once so familiar paths around Monkford and Kellynch.

He pondered going further, maybe all the way up to Uppercross. See this man Musgrove for himself, and judge what sort of man he was. He could introduce himself as Edward's brother, get to know the family – he had a gift like that. And what had Edward said that morning? Another son of theirs – Richard- was a little wild, and they were considering a navy career for him. He would be able to offer advice. What would Anne think then? The man she once agreed to marry associating with her current husband to be.

He was that lost in his own musings he almost missed the figure coming towards him across the meadow. The sun bouncing off her dark chocolate curls escaping from her bonnet, her pale green dress billowing behind her. That damn shawl loosely draped over her shoulder more out of habit he thought than need. Although it was nearing the end of September, the days were still warm. Her eyes were down cast concentrating on the rough terrain and watching her footing, she hadn't seen him.

He glanced around him, it was an open field; there was nowhere to run or hide. But then, why should he? He had nothing to hide after all – he had done nothing wrong. Let her see him, let her come, let him hear whatever it was she should say – it mattered not to him. He told himself.

Anne was growing tired. She considered herself a good walker but having made this journey twice already that day, she felt the pull on her joints and muscles. Her shawl caught a bramble yet again and she was forced to stop and untangle it save it should rip. As she did, she happened to catch the sight of a man coming towards her, she had only a moment to ready herself before he was in front of her.

"Allow me." He bent forward and easily unhooked her shawl.

"Thank you Captain Wentworth." she said softly.

Hearing her silken tone utter his name so warmly, did something to him inside. He could feel his defences crumbling. He cleared his throat. "Off to see my brother again?"

"No." she said quickly.

He looked over his shoulder in the direction where she was heading. It had been plain to him where she was going.

"That is... _I am_ headed to Monkford… but not to see Mr Wentworth." Anne corrected.

He looked at her puzzled, wondering who else she would know in the sleepy village. She could have made new friends he supposed. When it finally dawned on him who she was going to visit, his heart sped up and he swallowed hard. "You were going to see _me_?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

"I wanted to apologise for this morning. I was in a hurry … people were expecting me, waiting for me, and it was such a surprise seeing you there. You were not there this morning when I called a few minutes before, then you were and I –"

She was rambling and he caught himself before he smiled, remembering another reason why he had fallen in love with her. "You did not even wish me the time of day." he interrupted.

She stopped suddenly, "Neither did you me." she bit back.

He opened his mouth to say something back but he thought better of it, closing it again.

Anne found herself oddly upset at his disinclination to continue the discussion, in the past they would have argued back and forth jovially enjoying their banter. "Will you be visiting your brother for long?" she asked.

"No, I do not intend to. I have command of a ship."

"The Laconia." she nodded knowingly, her eyes brightened with what looked like pride, but Frederick knew it could not be that.

However, how did she know? Unless Edward had told her. "Yes." was all he said.

She blushed. "I have my copy of the Navy Listings and father's papers mention your name quite a bit." she explained. "I noted Captain Croft is an Admiral now. How are he and Mrs Croft? Still in the East Indies?"

He was somewhat taken aback at how much she had remembered, how informed she was, and how she had thought to ask about his family. It wasn't until much later that evening when he thought back on their conversation, did he remember he had given her the copy of Navy listing when he left in the year Six, had she really kept it all this time?

"They are both well. I am not sure where in the world they are at this precise moment, but with the war upon us it is no doubt he will be called back to where he is needed."

At the mention of the war Anne's face dropped. "I do wish I could have met them." she said almost to herself, in fact she looked quite alarmed she had said it out loud.

Frederick for his part was trying his best to appear as if he had not heard her. He had always longed for the two most important women in his life to have met, but alas, that was not to be. Now it never would. "How are your family? Are they well." he asked through gritted teeth not really caring in the slightest of the well-being of those who were so intent on destroying his.

Her demeanour changed again and he noted her shoulders hunched under the tension. "Yes they are well. Thank you."

"And your youngest sister Mary? She is now home from school I would presume?"

"Yes," she smiled. "She is becoming quite the young lady." A hint of mischief glimmered in her eyes and again he was reminded of the Anne of the past, his Annie.

They stood quiet again – it seemed so surreal, once they had spent so many hours talking about the most ridiculous things or debating about current affairs. Now they had nothing to say to one another. And yet, they both had everything to say as well.

A carriage passed by in the distance and Anne turned quickly, concerned it could be Lady Russel. "Oh it is just the Musgroves." she murmured turning back to him. Frederick's eyes immediately flashed recognition and she gasped. "The Musgroves! I must go! I..." she paused, visibly torn between doing what she wanted and what was right. But propriety would always win out. She composed herself. "Please excuse me Captain, I must leave you and return home."

The formality had returned in her tone and Frederick was more convinced than ever her impending union with Mr Musgrove was in existence. She half curtseyed and he bowed unable to say any more for fear of it all tumbling out of him, how he really felt inside. He would beg her not to leave, not to marry another – to think of him, of the way they were together.

He was about to walk away grateful of the fact he would be away from home and not around to witness the actual wedding when she turned back. "I suppose if you are staying you will be at the Gould's card party tomorrow night? Your brother is invited."

There was something in her voice; was she implying she wanted him to attend? That had always been her way previously, he felt a glimmer of hope inside of him. "Will the Elliot family be in attendance?" he called after her.

She smiled cheekily and it was almost his undoing. "Perhaps. But I am no card player." And with that, she was gone.

_No, you never were previously_, he whispered to himself. She would hover around in the back ground distracting him with her presence without even knowing it, and causing him to lose many a hand to an undeserving opponent. The past should have brought him pain or at least sadness and animosity, but it was with a smile and a lighter step he returned to Edwards.

Anne had hoped the Musgroves' would not be too angry with her and she was right. After the initial awkwardness, they had tried to sweep the whole affair under the carpet as if it never happened. Mrs Musgrove had pulled Anne to her chest, embracing her in a motherly fashion and whispering that although she would have loved to have had her as a daughter, she hoped they could remain friends. Anne had assured the kind woman that was her wish too and then turned her attention to Charles sitting sullen in the corner. Mary was flittering around him in an attempt to draw a smile. Failing she had given up and moved away to the settee next to Elizabeth. Anne had taken a seat beside him. "Charles" she said kindly, "you must understand, I care about you very much but not … not like that."

He looked at her sadly and she thought she was making it worse. She got up to lead when he caught her hand. "Does your heart already belong to another?" he said quietly.

Anne looked around to ensure no one had heard his question and sat quickly back down. "What?" Her cheeks were flaming and she realised with mortification she had already given him an answer. "How did you know?" she asked.

"My parents believe it is Lady Russel's doing, that I am not bookish enough for you. But I do not believe that. You know your own mind and I do not think you would be so easily persuaded like that if you really loved me." Anne felt her body freeze and her mouth dry. If only he knew just how manipulated she had been in the past. "So all I can conclude is that your heart already taken." He looked over at the settee. "Mary mentioned something about a scandal. Something that was hushed up while she was at school."

Anne's eyes flickered to Mary wondering how much she had learned.

"Is he someone who is unsuitable? A bad sort. Someone you could never be with?" His eyes softened. "I cannot imagine any man would give you up so easily." he added quietly.

"Charles, please." she took a deep breath in letting it out again, it would not do for him to think so highly of her, she who had broken not one but two hearts in as many years. "All you need to know is that we" she gestured between the two of them "should not suit. We are so alike, you would grow bored of me; we are more like brother and sister than lovers. These past two years since your family moved into the area and became entwined with mine, you have become one of my closest acquaintance. I do not wish to lose you as a friend."

Charles took her hand. "You will not Anne, of that you can be sure. I am here for you as long as you need. I know I will find someone else who I hope I will find happiness with. My only wish if that you do the same." he said sincerely and covered her hand with his other.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

The small gathering at the Goulds' was everything it should be, never mind the fact it was an informal party, all the local gentry families in the neighbourhood had been invited – all those that matter anyway – The Elliot's of course, Lady Russel, The Musgroves, Mrs Finch and one that particularly did not. The friendly Monkford curate Mr Edward Wentworth. Edward had been more than surprised by the invitation, but then he had discovered that the knowledge of his recent house guest had already made it way around the sitting rooms of his neighbours. He blamed Mrs Finch – a kindly well-meaning widow who was intent on match making all those single people around her. She had been the one who had placed Anne in Frederick's path in the first place. Rumour was the old lady's health was fading and she rarely came to parties any more. However, on hearing the navy Captain was back, and Miss Anne – having turned down Charles Musgrove, was still unattached – she had made it her mission to ensure both young people were present with her in attendance.

As it was, Frederick had already decided, invitation or not, he would be attending that party. Call it morbid curiosity but he needed to see the happy couple together, to hear everyone say their congratulations and know it was over, forever. The day before, Anne had given out too many mixed signals. He didn't know if she was giving him a sign there was still a chance, or just laughing at him. He wouldn't have thought her capable of the latter, yet he had never thought her capable of hurting him so either. Edward had been supportive, had told him not to make assumptions. One thing Frederick was looking forward to, was the look on Lady Russel and Sir Walter's faces when they realised that not only had he returned, but he was made. They dismissed him so readily. They had believed he would amount to nothing, but he had proved them wrong hadn't he. Here he was a Captain at such a young age, and about to embark on a commission that would secure his future both financially and professionally. Yes, he had nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. It was them who should feel humiliated, to have been so wrong in their assumption of him.

In Kellynch Hall Anne was enduring her own bout of nerves, she had been so bold the day in the meadow, almost inviting the Captain herself to the party, now she wasn't so sure she had done the right thing telling him about it. Her father and God Mother would be less than pleased by his presence, there was bound to be some kind of confrontation. The Musgroves were to be in attendance too, it would be cruel to Charles, when he discovered the history between them. Then there was Mrs Finch, she had been instrumental in bringing them together three years ago, ensuring they were introduced and providing ample opportunities for them to meet and spend time together. She would no doubt be on similar mission that night too, and then there was Frederick himself. She was still unsure what he was doing back, how long he was staying and what part she played -if any- in his plans.

She stared at her reflection in the looking glass, it had been only a few years, at two and twenty she was still young, but she did not look it. Her father had been right. Her hair was dull and lifeless, her face pale and drawn, her eyes had lost their sparkle and her mouth felt as if it had forgotten how to laugh. She was thinner too, her dresses which had once hugged her curves she gained on the way to becoming a young woman, now hung off her slight frame. She thought of Elizabeth; tall and elegant, the epitome of an English Rose and Mary; young and full of life and laughter. And she thought of Frederick of how their years apart had been nothing but kind to him. Apparently only improving the perfection. His once athletic frame was stockier and broader, working on a ship had improved his muscles and being constantly abroad had left his skin tanned but not weather beaten as her father would have every one believe of the Navy men. His hair looked thicker, his jaw stronger, his entire countenance screamed confidence and self-assurance. Everything she had not in her haggard state.

There had only been a slither of doubt, a chink in his otherwise perfect resolve. When he stood clutching her shawl, she saw a glimpse of the pain he must have felt when she ended their engagement, otherwise his façade remained proud and unwavering.

Someone called her from downstairs and she turned to finished getting dressed, dismissing the ridiculousness of the fact she was wearing a new dress or the fact she had the maid spend a little longer than necessary arranging her hair. There was nothing wrong with wanting to look nice occasionally, she told herself. Her only concern was that it would not go un-noticed. Her very attendance at a party she would normally have excused herself from had raised some eyebrows within her family. She knew as soon as they saw him – Lady Russel at least- would realise the true reason behind her sudden change in attitude and appearance. Still, she thought as she smoothed her dress – she would face the repercussions later.

Mrs Finch had arrived first at the Goulds. She had offered the Wentworth brothers a seat in her carriage, which they had politely refused, Mrs Finch suspected it was because the Captain would want to make a swift getaway if needed be – she hoped vehemently that would not be necessary. Two and a half years was no time at all and yet time enough to change everything. It was long enough for a young man to prove himself in his profession, long enough for a young once easily persuaded woman to realise the error of her ways, long enough for that same young woman to have come of age, and long enough for hearts to have begun to heal. She hoped.

The Musgroves had been next through the door, the young Master Charles looked downcast but not beaten. He had thought on what Anne had said earlier to him and could not help but see sense in it. He would not let her rejection get to him. The next time he saw Anne he would greet her as a friend like always, no animosity between them. The footman stood forward to announce the next guests and Charles looked for the Elliots' only to be surprised by the appearance of Edward Wentworth the curate, and another man. He had similar features to Edward's, and yet he was a bigger broader man. Charles took note of his blue uniform and surmised this to be the famous Captain Wentworth the villagers were all wild to meet. If memory served him right, the man had been in the area before, years ago, before the Musgrove family had moved. He would be pleased to make the man's acquaintance and so stepped forward to be introduced.

Frederick saw the figure of Charles Musgrove walking towards him and he straightened his stance in anticipation. He hadn't been formally introduced, but he knew by the determined look on Musgroves face, he knew who Frederick was. He stole himself for the onslaught of recrimination concerning Anne and no doubt how he should stay away from her. Something he had no intention of doing less she told him to. "Captain Wentworth I presume?" Charles held out his hand, his eyes shining and his smile warm. If this man meant him any harm, Frederick could not detect it. He shook his hand. "Charles Musgrove." he continued. "Always good to see a new face amongst us. Tell me, will you be with your brother long?"

Frederick glanced around him, was he being led into a false sense of security? Was this man planning to distract him with small talk before ambushing him? "I ... I cannot ... I am not sure yet." he mumbled.

Charles continued unperturbed, "I hear you were here before, a few years ago was it?"

"The year Six. Yes." answered Frederick

Charles nodded. "Not so long ago, you must know most people here then. You will not have met my parents though."

"No it is my understanding they moved to the area after I had left."

Charles nodded again. "How long did you stay?"

"About half a year." Frederick said anxiously, wondering where this line of questioning was leading.

"What caused-" Charles had been about to ask what had driven the Captain away when a hush fell over the group. The last of the guests had arrived.

Sir Walter entered the room full of air and pomp that made Frederick think he hadn't changed at all, except maybe to have become more ridiculous. On his arm was Lady Russel, the very name stirred anger and contempt within him. He blamed her above all others. Her influence, her trusted position as Anne's confidant had caused him so much distress. Elizabeth followed behind, still as beautiful - some would be of the opinion- still as cold, haughty and self- obsessed observed Frederick. Behind her was the real beauty of the family, both inside and out. And beautiful she looked that night. Her dress was very becoming and her hair reminiscent of how she wore it in the past. Frederick knew he was staring open mouthed but he could not take his eyes off of her.

However did he imagine he could ever live without her?

Without that wonderful woman in his life. Her eyes, her smile, he had never gotten over her, never found her equal. Never would, he knew that now. She may have found happiness with another, but he would not. He would probably marry someday, give his wife a good life, never be cruel or unkind, but he would never love her and perhaps that was most cruel of all. Another young lady appeared -whom he gathered was Mary and he forced his gaze away.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

Charles was looking at Anne in shock and then he pulled his eyes away shaking his head and turned back to Mary. He appeared to be having an internal struggle with himself. Frederick almost laughed out loud. Surely this man could not be comparing the two? Anne was far superior to both her sisters, to all the young women he had met. This man Musgrove had Anne and he was drawn to another. Charles noticed his companion watching him and withdrew his eyes. "I suppose you are acquainted with the Elliots'?"

"We have met, yes," said Frederick. As he spoke, Anne looked over at the pair of them and smiled. Frederick would have liked nothing more than to believe she was smiling at him, but he had to reason with himself; she was smiling at her fiancé. With a mumbled excuse he walked over to his brother.

Anne's smile dropped, she had expected him to come over, to compliment her on her attire or at the least to return her smile. Perhaps it was her party. He did not want to be entangled with all those who had caused him such distress. She looked to her father and Lady Russel, too involved in their conversation with the Goulds' to have even noticed him. Anne however was not as lucky in her plans of avoiding others, Charles was on his way over to her, only to be side tracked by Mrs Finch who over took him and made her own way over to the young lady. Anne was not sure who she wanted to speak to less.

The elderly widow meant well, and Anne did like her, but she was sometimes overwhelming in her determination of match making everyone, she could be a little over powering. Mrs Finch knew of their history and Anne was sure news would have already reached her of Charles' proposal and subsequent refusal. She would want the details, would want to know why and if it had anything to do with return of a young Captain Wentworth. Anne swallowed her frustrations and prepared to greet her friend. Almost at the same moment as Anne met with Mrs Finch, did Lady Russel turn intent on checking on her God Daughter's whereabouts, and came face to face with a ghost from the past.

Frederick had no intentions of even acknowledging the woman who had singlehandedly destroyed his hopes and dreams almost three years past. He had been attempting to move past her when she addressed him. "Commander Wentworth?" she almost shrieked in shock.

All conversation in the room ceased and every pair of eyes landed on the unlikely pair. Frederick smiled tightly. "Actually, its _Captain_ Wentworth now Ma'am."

Lady Russel showed no interest or signs of even having heard him. Her eyes were flickering to Anne and back to the man in front of her; no longer a young man easily dismissed, he was quite a presence in the uniform he now filled out. He gave her one last reluctant smile before continuing past her and going to stand beside his bemused brother.

Slowly the conversation returned. Lady Russel instantly sought the company of her God Daughter. She required answers and the presence of Mrs Finch would not deter her. "So, he _has_ returned." she said pointedly in Anne's direction.

Anne swallowed her fears. "I did not know."

Her God Mother looked at her in utter disbelief. She was just about to question her further when Mrs Finch spoke. "It is my understanding he has only lately returned, yesterday in fact, and no one- not even his brother was aware of his intentions." The lady smiled at Lady Russel, and winked at Anne. Anne smiled back grateful, even if she felt guilty for lying to her God Mother.

"Well I see he has the same bad manners as before, no amount of success has rid him of those traits. Really, is this what our Majesty's Navy has become? Letting miscreants like him make it to the status of Captain. No doubt one of the Admiral's daughters has an understanding with him."

Anne could listen in silence no longer, she would not let anyone dispute the accomplishments Commander Wentworth had achieved in order to gain his Captaincy. It was through his hard work, efficiency and merit that he had made it to the status of Captain, nothing less. "Lady Russel!" she interrupted. "Please desist in this deformation of Captain Wentworth's character. He has done nothing to deserve such insult."

"Nothing? Did you not see how arrogant he was in his address of me? The way he walked away without excuse. It is despicable."

"He had every right to!" declared Anne surprising them both with her defence. Mrs Finch stood back ready to intervene if necessary but this was Anne's time to finally find her own voice. "Do you not imagine after all we put him through, he –_anyone_\- would be uncivil in their address? We caused him pain. He remains aggrieved and injured because of us." Anne half sobbed. Mrs Finch placed a comforting hand on her young friend's arm seeing the pain in Anne's eyes, and suspecting not for the first time, that he was not the only one still injured by the events in the year Six.

Lady Russel only chuckled. "Oh my dear you cannot possibly suppose he still thinks on all that … _unpleasant business_. He is a man, they think nothing of it. I assure you he will not have given you a second thought since that day he left here." Her God mother said icily.

Anne was seeing her trusted advisor in a whole new light, suddenly she wished to be far away from her. "If you would excuse me." she said quietly. She nodded to Mrs Finch and then walked to the other side of the room where Elizabeth was bending the ear of the Goulds.

Charles had witnessed the altercation between Wentworth and Lady Russel, and observed how the latter had repeatedly looked to Anne, could it be? Was the Captain the one? The unsuitable suitor from Anne's past she had given her heart to. He made his way over to the Captain once again, eager to learn as much of the man's back ground and time in the area as possible. However, just as he reached the man, Mary interrupted him. "Miss Mary." Charles greeted her, shooting the Captain an apologetic look. "I do not believe you have been acquainted with our new neighbour, Mr Wentworth's brother the Captain.

Frederick studied the young girl he had only ever seen in portraits. She had some of Anne's features; her dark hair and eyes, she was small and petite, but her facial expressions matched those of their eldest sister and father. She looked down her nose at Edward and only briefly acknowledged Frederick. "Miss Mary." Frederick greeted her with a bow but by the time he had straightened, her attention was already back on Charles. Frederick's eyes swept the room for Anne. He did not think it very appropriate for her younger sister to be flirting with her fiancé. But Anne was nowhere to be seen.

"Tell me Charles, do you like my dress? It is new, specially sent for all the way from London."

_Exactly like her father_ thought Frederick.

Charles blushed, "it is very nice Miss Mary."

"I have asked Mr Gould if, when they are finished playing cards, we can have dancing, and he has agreed!" She was almost bouncing on her feet.

Frederick was reminded of how immature she was and he thought of Anne at her age – how different she had been at just nineteen. He could not imagine her ever being so whimsical. She looked pointedly at Charles, and Frederick concluded she was expecting the man to ask her to dance. Charles however did not take the hint.

"That's nice Miss Mary," but he was looking past her, with a slight shake of his head he brought his attention back to the girl. "How is it we are seeing Miss Anne tonight?"

Frederick and Edward exchanged a glance at the mention of her name. Mary rolled her eyes, "I do not know, she suddenly wanted to attend."

"But An-_Miss_ Anne does not play cards." queried Charles.

Fredrick realised the man was intimately acquainted with Anne to know things that he had believed only he knew, and felt the need to walk away.

"She must have had a special reason for attending tonight." observed Edward bluntly.

Frederick looked at Charles as Charles looked at Frederick, each believing the other to be the reason, causing Edward to hold in a laugh.

"So, _will_ you be dancing Charles?" pouted Mary, keen for the attention to be back on her.

"I do not know Miss Mary," he snapped and then realising his error he smiled at her. "I mean, who else will be dancing? It will only be us. Sir Walter and Lady Russel will refuse, as will the Goulds', my parents and Mrs Finch. Elizabeth would never lower herself. That will leave you with the choice of three partners."

Mary huffed "I will be dancing with you." she clarified.

Frederick frowned, were they really all so self-obsessed they had forgotten Charles betrothed. "What of Miss Anne?" he said suddenly. All the pairs of eyes landed on his, pulling a face.

Charles spoke first. "Miss Anne does not dance. She never dances."

Frederick could hardly believe his ears – _Anne did not dance_. What? When they had always danced, and her so well. He turned towards Edward, looking for answers. The curate only shook his head in silent recognition. Edward then turned away from the others and added quietly. "I told you, speak with Miss Anne. There is a great deal that has changed and things you need to know."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N Apologies for the delay in uploading, the kids were on their Easter break and so my time was taken up with them!**

**From now on I will try to upload every Wednesday. I already have quite a few chapters ready to go. **

**As always, please leave a review and let me have your thoughts; good or bad. **

**Chapter Eleven**

Frederick looked around the room for her but there was no sign. The tables had been set and the Gould's were inviting everyone to take their places. Frederick saw his chance and slipped out of the room un-noticed. He had barely gotten ten feet along the corridor when he ran into the one person he sought. "Miss Anne!"

"Captain!" Anne looked shocked again to see him. She looked around him, evidently expecting him to be accompanied by someone else.

"I needed some air." he told her.

She smiled and then suddenly aware they were once more alone, she made her excuse and attempted to leave, when one word stopped her in her tracks. "_Anne."_

The use of her Christian name sounded so foreign from him, and yet so familiar. She turned to face him, half of her face in shadow. "Yes." she murmured.

"I believe it is obvious to both of us, we need to discuss some things. I do not know for how long I shall be here, but while I am, I wish … I would like for us to be able to speak with one another … to discuss everything that happened." He paused leaning back against the wall so that he was completely engulfed in shadow. "We were once good friends … before everything else. I should like us to part this time as such." he said softly.

His voice coming out of the darkness and his words were all too much for Anne as she held on to the wall for Support. "I would like that too." she whispered honestly.

He smiled although she could not tell in the dark. "Tell me Miss Anne, do you still favour the early mornings for your daily stroll?"

She felt her heart race and was glad she was holding on to something. "Yes," was all she said before scurrying away, while her legs still worked.

Frederick remained a few more minutes so as to not draw attention to his return. In arranging to accidentally meet with her on her walk he was reliving the past; yet, he did not care. He would meet her –alone- and they would finally put an end to all the questions, the hurt and their past. Then she would be free to go and marry Musgrove – Frederick had to admit Charles was a good man, and he knew he would endeavour to make her happy. She would have been _happier_ with him, but it was not to be, and so he would allow her to be happy with someone else. With Charles Musgrove.

The rest of the evening passed by without further event. Frederick felt the eyes of Lady Russel and Sir Walter on him most of the night, but he surmised as long as he kept his distance from Anne, they would leave him alone. And so he did, and so they did. Despite the enforced politeness throughout the group, no one could deny there had been a shift in their otherwise placid party.

Captain Wentworth was back.

Anne endured a fitful night with barely any sleep, she remembered having a night like that long ago. The night before their first meeting in the year six, she had hardly shut her eyes all night. This time it was not nervous energy which had kept her awake, she had spent most of the night thinking over what she wanted to say, what she _had_ to say. If ever things between them could go back to how they were – no not how they were – but as friends at least, things needed saying. They hadn't arranged a time or a place to meet, and yet she knew the hour and the very spot where she should see him and see him she did.

She had no sooner arrived at the clearing – their spot, when he appeared. He approached her with caution as if he was afraid she should bolt. His eyes flickered all around him. Was he expecting someone else she wondered? "Good morning Captain." she said finally.

"Good morning. Is it to be just the two of us or-"

"Yes, unless… are you expecting anyone else?" Anne was perplexed, she had no clue as to who he could be referring she might have brought along. Did he not wish them to discuss things alone? She had thought that to be the purpose of their meet. Was he afraid she would have brought her God Mother? Or perhaps one of her sisters?

"No, it is just myself … unless _you_ are expecting someone else?" he asked again. She shook her head and he offered her a half smile, before sinking down to the log on which they always used to sit. As he sat, he let out a hiss as if he was in pain. Anne raised an eyebrow silently asking him about it. "I had a difficult ride on my journey back and am feeling the after affects this morning." he explained.

"They say it gets worse as the days go on, before getting better." she informed him. Anne appeared very knowledgeable of such matters, and not being a keen rider herself -at least not in the past– Frederick looked at her surprised. "The trick is to keep moving." she added. Upon seeing his puzzled face, she murmured "Or so I have heard."

He smiled to himself, so she was still not a keen rider. He did not know why but knowing that she was yet not so changed brought him pleasure. Then he realised she could be speaking of what she had learned at the hands of her fiancé and he stopped smiling.

Anne noticed the difference and frowned herself. "Firstly I should like to apologise for my God Mothers ignorance-" Anne began.

"It is a bit late for that, do you not think?"

Anne took a breath. "I meant for her behaviour _last night_. Her addressing you as Commander and then even after you corrected her, she did not apologise for her error or offer your congratulations at your success."

Frederick rolled his eyes and sighed. "No, she did not. But you should know, I am no longer anxious for her good opinion. I no longer care or need to earn favour with her."

"You never did." replied Anne quietly.

"We both know that to be grossly inaccurate. She -in place of your own dear mother- was, and I presume still is, a very important part of your life and I was especially keen to be seen by her as being deserved of you." He felt himself blush and did not know why. "Back then." he added. He did not know why he felt the need to clarify that, but he did.

There it was, their first acknowledgment of their shared past and more importantly their attachment. Anne was quiet for a while and he had begun to think the meeting had been a bad idea and a waste of his time.

"She _is_ still an important part of my life." Anne admitted. "However, I am no longer so influenced by her and her ideas of what should make me happy, as I was then."

Frederick thought bitterly how it was all too little too late. Charles Musgrove would benefit from this new found confidence where he never had. "Yes, so I see." he said through gritted teeth.

Anne looked confused. "I beg your pardon?"

"Your involvement with Charles Musgrove. I doubt Lady Russel thinks him, a lowly squire, adequate for Lady Elliot's daughter either."

Anne suddenly felt rage at his insult directed at Charles. "It so happens the Musgrove's are a very wealthy, much respected family in this neighbourhood." She felt herself blush at her show of defending Charles.

Frederick looked up, surprised at her outburst and then disappointed. "I am sorry. I should not have said anything. If I have caused offence to you or your betrothed, then I apologise."

Anne softened, "I accept your apology. It is just …" she paused, her eyes wide. "_Betrothed?"_

Frederick swallowed. "I did not… I was under the impression it was common knowledge."

"It is common knowledge that Charles and I are _engaged_?" she squawked.

Frederick did not wish to discuss it, this was not what they were supposed to be discussing. "Miss Anne, I believe we are here to talk of other matters – personal to _us_. And time is getting on."

Anne was angered not only by his rumouring, but also at his abrupt change of subject. She had been on the way to telling him the true nature of her involvement with Charles, but now she was irritated she thought better of it. Let him think she was engaged to another. He would be gone soon and maybe the knowledge of her having moved on would help him do the same. And then when he was settled and far away she could breathe again. If he had not settled already. She realised then she never found out from Edward Wentworth if he was in fact still single. "You are right. Please continue."

Frederick stood, his size dwarfing Anne's, she would have been intimidated had she not known him as well as she did. That being so, she saw only the strong arms that had once surrounded her. The broad back that would stoop so he could kiss her wrist. She swallowed down the memories, save she should blush again.

"I want you to know that I forgive you." he said, exhaling loudly in relief. He waited for her reaction.

Anne stared at him until she felt she needed to sit. She shook her head. "_You forgive me."_

"Yes, I have had almost three years to think on it and I know it was not all your doing, you were persuaded to end our attachment by others, and too young to understand the hurt and heartache you caused."

Anne blinked several times attempting to gather her thoughts and determine if she had in fact heard right. At the first mention of forgiveness, she had been a little irked, although it had been her decision to end things between them, she believed this meeting was for her to explain her actions and them both to admit fault and the part they each played. To discuss it. But he was not interested in explanation, only blaming her and offering her forgiveness for it. For almost a year after they parted, she had blamed herself entirely and wished for nothing _but_ his forgiveness. Now she was angry. "So you believe I was too young, too naïve to know my own mind? That I was led and influenced by others into making the decision to release you from our engagement," she said slowly.

He winced at the word engagement. "Yes." he said simply.

"And you _forgive_ me for it?" Anne said in disbelief.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Frederick had the feeling he was saying the wrong things, but he couldn't work out how or what. As far as he could tell -in his own mind, everything he had said so far, had been right. He knew they could never move past the past without him forgiving her for her part.

Anne opened and closed her mouth several times before finally getting to her feet and pacing the small area. Now he knew he had upset her; Anne only ever paced when she needed to calm herself down. "When you asked me for my hand in marriage you did not think me too young." she argued. He opened his mouth to comment but she continued oblivious. "You professed to love me, was that a lie?"

"You know I loved you." he said quietly and without pause.

"And did that love instantly vanish the moment our engagement ended?" she asked bravely.

Frederick hesitated, he wasn't ready to reveal the fact the love he had had for her then, remained still. "No." he replied.

"Then may I ask why, if that was your belief: that my young age had allowed me to be persuaded by others, when you realised it, you did not come back here and ask me to reconsider?"

_Because I was afraid you would say no again. That I would be denied a life without you a second time. Because I could not survive another humiliation at the hands of your family. Because I was young myself, and stupid and angry. _

"Because … I was away at sea. And then it was too late. The feelings were gone." He was talking of her feelings and how they now laid with another, but Anne thought he was referring to himself.

She gulped back the urge to cry. "Well for your information, I do not require your forgiveness." She marched up to him standing in front of him, pulling herself up to her full height -though it barely grazed his shoulders. "I may have been young and naïve, but I _knew_ what I was doing. I _knew_ my decision would hurt you, cause us _both _pain, but that it would be better in the long run._ I _made the decision – no one else, and I stand by it. Look at all you have accomplished. Can you honestly stand there and claim all that happened after you left, would still have come to pass should we have married?"

He looked away unable to answer her. She was correct. Everything he had accomplished had been after they parted, but who was to say those chances and opportunities would not have come his way regardless. He clenched teeth. "You still believe you did the right thing?"

"I do not blame others, nor myself for having been guided by them." clarified Anne.

Frederick was seething at her responses. "Answer me this, say Mary came to you in the same situation; in love with a man who is unsuitable and nothing to recommend him but his love for her, would you offer her the same advice as you were given, as you took?"

Anne hesitated. "I cannot answer that, it would depend entirely on the circumstance-"

"Then answer me _this_!" he interrupted. "Are you happier now, with the life you have now, than any I could have offered you?"

Anne could feel her nerves returning – no she was not happy. The only way she would be happy was to have him by her side for the rest of her life. He was leaving – going back to sea. She would probably never see him again. She kept repeating those facts in her head as he looked at her so intently her legs nearly gave way. He demanded the truth from her and she did not believe she had the strength to deny him. She finally gathered the courage to answer him when the church bells chimed. They both turned towards the noise. That sound had always been the indicator their time was at an end. "I must return." she whispered, half to herself.

Frederick put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "We are not done here _Miss Anne_. We must speak some more."

Anne thought quickly. "The assembly tonight." she blurted out. "Are you invited?" He nodded and she could not help her eye roll – was everyone in Somersetshire desperate to meet the famous sea Captain? "Of course you are. Well then we can speak tonight." she finished.

"Tonight?" he looked at her incredulously. "In a room filled with people, including your family?"

Anne shrugged back her shoulders defiantly. "I will find a way." she promised before quickly hurrying away.

Frederick trudged slowly home, his head no clearer than when he had set out that morning, if anything he was more confused. Why had she been so keen for him to know she was the one who had parted them? If she was so happy in her situation now, why not just accept his forgiveness and part as friends? _Unless_ –maybe she was not so happy. She had been reluctant to answer him when he asked her out right. Perhaps life with Charles Musgrove was not what she wanted or needed in order for her to be happy. Perhaps it was something else. Someone else.

When he arrived back at Edward's cottage he found him in his usual arm chair, a book in his lap. As he entered the room, his sibling's eyes left the pages and met Fredericks gaze. "Well?"

Frederick crossed the small sitting room and deposited himself in his usual spot. "We talked."

Edward noted the clock on the wall. "Not for long. Am I permitted to ask what about?"

"Her future as Mrs Musgrove mostly. That and her family." he purposely withheld the information about Anne and the whole forgiveness business. He was sure Edward would preach to him something about only God being able to truly forgive.

Edward meanwhile was concentrating on concealing his astonishment. Anne was either deceiving Frederick, for what reason Edward knew not, or the situation had changed since he last spoke to her and she had once again been persuaded by her family. Yet, she had seemed so determined and no announcement -even informal– had been made. "Strange." he pondered aloud.

"What is?"

Edward looked at Frederick surprised at first to find him there, he had been so lost in his thoughts. He gathered himself quickly. "Strange that no one mentioned it last night at the party, and yet she spoke openly about it with you. Did she speak of the particulars? Dates?"

"No … she..." he thought back on their conversation and when he did he realised she hadn't actually spoken of it at all. Only to question the existence of the rumour and to defend Charles. "No she did not." he finished. "But as you say, if it has not yet been announced it was unlikely for her to divulge her plans to me."

"And you spoke nothing of the past? About what happened between the two of you?"

"I know what happened." Frederick snapped, his head beginning to ache.

"But you do not know or understand why."

Frederick frowned. "I told her I forgave her."

Edward almost laughed out loud. "You … you did _what_?"

"I told her I forgave her. I know now she was too young and impressionable and only acting upon the guidance of others."

"Am I to understand, that instead of you _asking _her _why_ she did what she did, and understanding her motives, talking things through, you _told_ her what she had done and why, and that you forgive her for it?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, was this when your meeting ended?"

"Around that time, yes."

Edward let go of his chuckle, laughing loudly.

"I fail to find anything amusing about my predicament."

Edward shook his head still grinning. "This is the woman you once professed to love most, and who -I believe- you still hold feelings of a deep nature for, and you have accused her of being nothing but a weak minded lump of clay ready to be moulded into whatever those around her design."

"That _is_ what I believe – although I would not put it quite as blunt as that."

Edward ceased all amusement and rolled his eyes getting up from his chair. "Then I believe Miss Anne has had a lucky escape from you and I wish her every happiness with Charles Musgrove."

"Now see here Edward! You can have no idea of what pain she put me though, what I still endure."

"No, because you would never tell me!" Edward shouted back at him. Frederick opened his mouth to argue and realised he had no argument. For whatever reason, his words had upset her and apparently his brother not only understood why, but was on her side. So maybe he was at fault. For that morning anyway. Edward could see his brother was struggling internally and wanted to help. "I will say it one more time – talk _to_ her. Not _at_ her, to her and more importantly _listen_. I think you may be surprised by what she has to say."

Frederick gave a brief nod. "Are we attending the assembly tonight?"

Edward smirked. "I have not been invited to so many occasions since you were here last time. Yes, we can go if you so wish, thought I doubt you will have time to speak with her then."

Frederick smiled, remembering her words. "I will find a way." he repeated.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Anne smoothed out her dress for the tenth time since she had arrived at the assembly rooms. She had spent the rest of the day after she parted from the Captain restless and frustrated. All their brief time together that morning had done, was widen the distance between them and create more confusion and hostility. She had deliberately mislead him in thinking she was engaged to another man- and why? To make him jealous? To appear the victor in their parting? To prove she had moved on, or just to get back at him for his comments about her being fickle natured? In truth it was a mixture of all those things.

She had wanted to see his reaction when she spoke of another man so warmly – was there a glimmer of the green eyed monster lurking in the back of his eyes? Or was it all her imagination? Was it too much to hope that he could still care enough about her, to envy another man of her attentions? She had been torturing herself over how markedly well he looked; so revered and confident, and she had wanted just a moment of him seeing her like that. Like the Anne of their past. And lastly, she had been angry with him for his assumption of her.

She had been persuaded under the guidance of another who only sought to advise her, but he implied her feelings were as easily manipulated as her choices. She had fallen for the Commander as he was then, fast and fierce. When he asked her for her hand she had had no qualms in saying yes. She wanted to marry him, to be his wife and those feelings were so strong and steadfast, she felt the same now, almost three years later. As far as she could tell, she would always have those feelings. And to think he presumed her over him in a brief conversation with her family, that she was too young to have truly loved him sincerely enough. Her love for him was what had driven her to let him go in the first place. Her head was so full of questions she wanted to ask and have answered, she nearly missed Charles' approach.

"Good evening Anne."

"Good evening Charles." She smiled warmly at him, pleased to see a friendly face. Almost on arrival her father, Elizabeth and Mary had all disappeared off in to the throng of the people to find someone worth their time to talk to. Anne had been awaiting her God Mother's arrival and that of the Wentworths' – she hoped with enough time between so that they would be prevented from another awkward meeting. Anne glanced over his shoulder quickly to ensure she didn't miss eithers arrival.

Charles noticed. "Are you watching for someone in particular?"

Anne blushed. "I am sorry Charles I was not attending."

Charles smiled sadly. "It is him is it not? The one your heart already belongs to?" he paused. "Captain Wentworth."

Anne felt the flush of her cheeks spread down to her shoulder. "Charles, I …"

He stepped in front of her and took her hand in his. "Do not be alarmed Anne, I doubt anyone else will have seen what I have. I have been observing you closely since my failed proposal." Anne opened her mouth to stop him from continuing but he was already speaking again. "I now know why – although happy with me, you would never have been truly happy, and although you may love me – you would never be_ in_ love with me. Your heart is no longer yours to give away."

Anne placed her hand on top of his squeezing it. "Charles you would not want my heart – for it was broken years ago and I doubt it shall ever heal. You are right, I have given my heart – my love- away and you deserve to be someone's first choice and a not a consolation prize."

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. She knew then they were friends again. It was only when Charles lowered her hand and they laughed at themselves affectionately, did they see who had witnessed the whole exchange.

Captain Wentworth stood clenching his fists, at his full height, his mouth taught and his jaw set. His gaze locked on the couple. It was only a slight pink to his cheeks and sad look in his eyes, which betrayed him his cold infuriated stance. When her eyes met his, they widened with shock and horror. What must he think? What must it have all looked like to him? After all she had implied at their meeting, surely he would consider this further proof that she was with Charles. In that moment after all her hours of wondering, she realised she did not wish him to part her company again thinking she was well, to think she had moved on and did not feel the pain of their broken attachment. He deserved to know the truth of just how excruciatingly difficult her survival had been over the past two and a half years.

Frederick could hardly move, he felt his body was shutting down around him, his breath caught in his throat, he felt his eyes sting with pain, and his heart slow to barely a beat as it cracked and broke all over again. His stomach flipped and caused him to worry he should be sick. He had known about Musgrove; had heard her talk of her betrothal. He had discussed it with Edward and had recompensed himself with the fact she would soon belong to another, but to see them together, to see her smile and laugh was all too much. It wasn't envy or anger he felt, just pure pain. Putting all his energy into his legs, he turned and walked away as quickly as he could.

Anne's hand left Charles and flew to her mouth covering her gasp. Tears were already filling her eyes. She rushed forward but Charles caught her arm, she looked at him. "I _must_ go to him." she half sobbed, half begged.

"Not now." he whispered.

She followed his eyes as they landed on Lady Russel. She had just entered and was already watching her God Daughter closely. Anne felt her pulse quicken and devastation fill her chest. "Let me go Charles" she said at last.

"If you follow him now, she will assume-"

Anne let out a sigh. "She knows. She's always known. They all do."

Charles was momentarily surprised. He knew Mary had mentioned a scandal, but she knew no details and he had presumed Anne had kept the unsuitable man's identity secret. That that was the scandal. He wished he knew all the details so that he could help her more. "Still," he said carefully, "if you go, she will probably follow. Allow me to go in your stead."

"What?"

"I can carry any message or just explain what he observed." said Charles earnestly.

Anne bit her lip worryingly, she wanted to go herself, but Charles was right. The moment she followed Frederick, Lady Russel would follow her. "Very well. Tell him … tell him I meant what I said. I will find a way and that not everything is as it seems."

Charles nodded and moved discreetly through the crowds, before Anne had the chance to warn him of the Captain's misunderstanding regarding the relationship between the two of them.

Mrs Finch had witnessed much of what had occurred over the past few minutes and realised she at least could be some help. She made her way to the young lady. "Miss Anne how do you do?" she said, standing in front of her, blocking her from Lady Russel's view.

"Mrs Finch. I am rather bad company this evening. Excuse me I must-"

"Perhaps you would like to retire early?"

The old lady was breathing heavily and Anne wondered if the rumours surrounding her ill health were correct. She had become to care for the interfering but endearing lady and should not wish her unwell. She observed Mrs Finch clothes looked a little looser, although it was obvious she had taken great pain to hide the fact. Anne recognised the little signs, she had seen it in her own reflection often enough. The lady's overall appearance was thinner and greyer. It was Anne's sad opinion that a bout of any illness could damage her greatly.

Anne pulled her attention back to the now and frowned, not only would that prevent her from speaking to Frederick, she had no way of getting home early - even if she wanted to.

Sensing her latter concerns Mrs Finch smiled. "You may take my carriage."

"Oh no Mrs Finch, I will remain here, _please_. I should like to stay. In any case how would you get home?"

"Oh my man will come back for me, it is no trouble." She tucked Anne's arm under in hers and walked towards the coat room. "Now you gather your things and I will make your excuse. I just need to find someone to accompany you home."

"Oh no Mrs Finch." Anne pleaded. "Please, I should stay, _I want_ to stay." she repeated.

"Nonsense my dear. You look quite done in. Stay here and I will be back shortly."

Anne considered moving; to go and find somewhere to hide. But it would be rude of her after Mrs Finch was going to so much trouble for her, and ever the people pleaser, Anne remained and did as she was told. Frederick would have to wait. It was doubtless he would not want to talk with her after what he had witnessed anyway. She just hoped he would see sense after Charles spoke with him and want to speak with her again before her left. What if she woke to the news he had left without warning or goodbye? Like last time. _No_ it was different this time, they were not involved, not even friends, her actions would have no bearing on his. And Charles had gone to speak with him. To put things right.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Charles had fought his way through the crowd and finally caught up with a rather bristly Captain. "Captain Wentworth? I wonder if I may have a word."

Frederick turned at the now familiar voice with a stony face. "Yes?" All politeness on his part was gone, he knew deep down it was not Charles fault. He had done nothing wrong. How could Frederick blame him for falling in love with Anne Elliot? Hadn't he done the same? Hadn't he been helpless to resist? Yet Fredrick hated him for it. For loving her, for being able to be with her, for touching her, _for kissing her_. He also suspected from the way Musgrove had followed him, he was now aware of their history. "Are you wanting me to congratulate you? To shake your hand, wish you well, admit the better man won, to give you my blessing."

"What? What are you about? I came here to relay a message from Miss Anne, I don't know why you should want to congratulate me on anything. Surely you have heard the news, I do believe half the village knows now."

Frederick was confused, did he think he was jealous? That _that_ was why he should not wish to congratulate them. Did he come here just to rub it in his face? "You're engagement to Miss Anne." he clarified. "What message?"

"My ... what? I am not engaged to anyone, least of all Anne. Have you not heard?"

Frederick stumbled, holding on to a chair for support. "What? I do not understand. She told me-"

"Anne told you _we_ were engaged? To be married?" Charles said incredulously.

Frederick thought back to the conversation to her exact words, she had implied it, but had she actually said it? "She defended you, she flattered you. She-" he trailed off. She hadn't spoken the words. Neither had Edward, it had all been assumptions on his part.

Charles looked down at his feet a hint of a blush appearing high on his cheeks and tips of his ears. "I did offer her my hand. I care very deeply for Anne and I believed I could make her happy. To take her away from those who do not appreciate her," he glanced over at Elizabeth and Sir Walter. "I would have made her a good husband. However she … in her wisdom, knew we should not suit and she turned me down." He looked up at Frederick's startled face. "Surely you have heard?" The other man shook his head and Charles shrugged, "well now at least we have something in common."

Frederick's eyes flashed with anger, "No, we do not." He paused and Charles frowned in confusion, he had been sure. "For when I offered Miss Anne _my_ hand she did _not_ refuse." Frederick said defiantly.

Charles was all astonishment he could not understand, if that were true, why were they not married now? As far as he could tell, Captain Wentworth was a good man of good family, he obviously cared for Anne and she loved him, what were the parts of the story he was missing? He needed to understand. Neither of them seemed willing to divulge this information. "I apologise I did not know. But now you know the truth about Miss Anne and myself at least. We are not engaged, any flattery towards me on her part was probably sympathy for my poor wounded soul." He attempted a smile but Frederick remained straight face.

"What message?" he repeated.

"Oh yes, it is rather cryptic I am afraid. Anne said she meant what she said, she would find a way and that nothing is as it seems." He relayed the words carefully.

Before Frederick could ask the man more, Mrs Finch arrived. Both men groaned inwardly and glanced around for a possible means of escape, finding none they resolved that they were about to be accosted by the well-known matchmaker. "How do you do Mrs Finch?" asked Charles.

"I am well thank you Mr Musgrove. How are you?"

The slight incline of her head made Charles think she had heard the news about his proposal.

"Quite well thank you. Do you know Captain Wentworth?" Charles was well aware they had met back when he was last in the area, and at the Goulds', but he needed to push her attention off of him so he could be away and back to Anne. Using their greeting as an excuse, he slipped away, much to Frederick's chagrin.

"Mrs Finch," Frederick bowed his head. "My brother informed me you have been indisposed, I trust your appearance here tonight and at the Gould's previous, means you are on the mend?"

"Yes, yes, I am quite well thank you Captain. However a friend of mine is quite un-well and needs to go home. I wonder if you would do an old lady a great act of kindness and accompany her? I wish to know she is taken care of on the journey home. I had thought of your brother but… here you are."

"She? I do not think it would be proper for me to accompany an unknown lady home alone." He looked around anxiously for Anne, he needed to speak with her.

"I did not say she was unknown to you, in fact she is rather _well_ known to you." Frederick ceased looking and stared at Mrs Finch who was smiling. "I believe it would be in both your best interests to leave this place, and who knows, you may learn something during your carriage ride. What do you say Captain?"

Frederick couldn't know for sure, but if there was any chance at all Mrs Finch could be referring to whom he thought she was, he must take it. "Very well Mrs Finch. I will accompany the young lady."

Mrs Finch grinned and winked. "The carriage and its occupant are outside waiting for you."

He heard her voice before he saw her, but he knew it was her and felt a wave of relief wash over him. As he came closer, he realised she was arguing with the driver. The carriage door was ajar, her with one foot on the step, hands clutching the sides of the door, she was looking up and away from him. He smiled to himself as he approached her. "May I be of some assistance?"

She jumped so at his voice, she lost her footing and stumbled forward, in an instant he was in front of her holding her steady. They had not been that close in over two years. Trapped in the moment they both stood speechless staring in to the depths of the others eyes. Someone cleared their throat behind them and their trance was broken. Frederick looked up at the culprit; Mrs Finch's driver had been in her service for over ten years, he knew all about her meddling in the love lives of her friends and her obsession with match making them all. He was in turn known to her for his discretion. He knew if Mrs Finch had orchestrated this paring once more, it was for a reason, but he always – for propriety's sake – was aware of the surroundings and behaviour. They were still outside the assembly rooms and open to gossip.

Frederick realised his error. "Please Miss Elliot, go inside the carriage, it is cold. I will tend to the driver."

Anne, still so surprised and somewhat relieved at his appearance, could muster no counter argument and so did as she was bid. Sliding inside she sat in the corner of the carriage her head pressed against the window to listen.

"Now what seems to be the problem?" Frederick asked the driver.

"The young lady did not wish to be accompanied. She was anxious to depart, but I had my orders from Mrs Finch; to wait here with the lady for a gentleman to accompany her."

Frederick shook his head at the audacity of Mrs Finch, and for Anne for wanting to defy her. "Well as I am the gentleman, I suppose we can now depart." He smiled.

The driver knew it to be true, as Mrs Finch had discussed it earlier when she brought out Miss Elliot and informed him of his need to take a little detour before coming back for her. "Yes sir." The man readied the horses while Frederick returned to the carriage.

As he opened the door he heard a scuffling inside and suspected Anne must have been listening. "You know, eavesdropping is a bad habit, and most unbecoming of a young lady." he commented.

Anne's eyes widened and she sat up straight in her seat. "Am I to have no say in this ridiculous set up?" she asked, ignoring his comment. "Tell me, was it just Mrs Finch or did you have some involvement in this plan?"

"No, credit where credit is due, this was all Mrs Finch." He sat down opposite her and banged the roof to signal to the driver his instruction to proceed. "And why is this so ridiculous? We need to continue our conversation, do we not?"

"It is dark, and we are alone in a carriage, having just left an assembly – _together_\- early, what will people think?"

Frederick frowned, one time not so long ago, they would have savoured the opportunity to spend some time together alone. "I doubt our presence will even be missed yet, and by _people_, I presume you mean your family and your fiancé."

At the last word Anne blushed, "did you speak with Charles?"

"So we are still pretending are we?" he mumbled leaning back. "Why is it I am accompanying you and not your fiancé?" he said louder.

Anne coloured more deeply. "It would hardly be any less improper."

"But still," he looked down avoiding her eyes. "I remember when we were engaged, and for a long time before, we were barely more than ten feet away from each other at all times, and had you left a party early then, allegedly indisposed, there would have been no one stay me from being by your side." He looked up and met her gaze full on.

His speech, his tone, his eyes, all brought a lump to Anne's throat and a solitary tear escaped her eyes, rolling down her cheek. The moonlight had kept her in silhouette for the first part of their journey but now illuminated her in a ghostly glow, the tear plainly evident.

Frederick frowned, "Why did you deceive me so? To let me believe you were to marry Musgrove." he almost whispered.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

"I did not do it deliberately." Anne snapped. "You had me so shocked at your return, and so angry at your assumptions I was not thinking clearly."

Frederick leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his thighs and wringing his hands. "you can have no notion of how it felt, not only to believe you were engaged to another – but to see him with you, so close, as close as we …" he paused the pain still too great. "_He kissed you_, in front of your family and friends, more than I was ever at liberty to do and then you laughed. I confess it was too much to bear." He swallowed; she saw the lump in his throat. "Then to discover it was an act. I felt-" he shook his head unable to finish.

"How?" Anne leaned towards him, tears now running down her face freely, two years of torment having caught up with her. "Tell me, I should know. You should tell me." she sobbed.

He stared back at her. "Two and a half years is no period in time at all, everything remains the same, and yet, everything is changed. People change."

She composed herself, wiping angrily at her tears and sitting straighter in her seat. "I am not so changed."

"Are you not?" Before she got the chance to answer, he sat back again. His face fell at the sight of her reddened eyes and he passed her his handkerchief. She accepted it gratefully and tried to make herself more presentable. "Why did I make you so angry?" he blurted out.

"What?" She tried to pass him back the article but he refused, motioning for her to keep it. "When?"

"During our conversation this morning. Just now you said you were angry with me, and you left this morning so abruptly when we had barely begun."

She took a breath in and out trying to remember her practiced speech and then realising she did not need to recall the words, they came to her easily. "You claimed to love me, to know me better than anyone else. To understand me where others did not, and yet when I came to you that day and ended our engagement all that counted for naught. Instead of hearing me out, letting me explain, you chose to shout and hate and walk away. How is that the action of someone who truly loved? You spoke of me having not known what love was, of being naive and too young to understand all that comes with loving someone, but it was you who ran away. You said I was fickle and yielding and showed a timidity of character, yet it was you who gave up so readily."

"Me! Anne, I went away because you sent me. You released me. You told me you did not love me."

She shook her head. "I told you I could not marry you."

"It is the same thing."

"No, it is not." she laughed dryly. "I told you what I _had_ to, to make you leave. So you would go on and accomplish all that you needed to – to have the career you deserved. I let you go _because_ I loved you. How could you of all people not see that?"

"I was heartbroken. The woman who had agreed to be my wife, had just told me she no longer wished to marry me. Now you would have me believe-"

"You should have known me better!" she interrupted. "You should have known how much I loved you – the way we loved each other. Our plans, our hopes and dreams, would I really have thrown all that away so easily? Was I such a good actress I fooled you over all those weeks and months -all those times we were alone together- that I loved you, when really I felt nothing for you?"

Frederick did not answer, he was reeling from her admissions. "How can you hurt the one you love, _because_ you love them? Surely if you truly loved them, you would never intentionally harm them."

Anne looked out of the window pulling the handkerchief through her fingers, wondering how she could make him see the sacrifice she had made had all been for him. "Do you think I would have liked life aboard the Asp?" she said suddenly, her face now back in shadow and darkness. The whole carriage was now without light.

Frederick knew a gentleman would suggest lighting the lamp, but he also preferred the dark, it was easier to talk. "You know very well I should never have allowed you on that ship. It was not safe for you. _I_ would never put _you_ in harm's way."

"So you would have refused your first commission as a commander? Or perhaps you would have left me behind. Where? In your brother's cottage? In a room somewhere near Whitehall? Waiting alone for months and months for news?"

Frederick opened his mouth to contradict her but was stumped again. Could what she was saying be true? Did she do it all for him? Would his life have been quite so prosperous? Would he have been so advantageous in his career, if he had been married? He had only ever thought of how happy they would have been. He had never given a thought to all the particulars. Important things like where they would live, and what she would do if she was not permitted to travel with him, had never even crossed his mind. Was she right in that also? Was he the one who had been young and naïve?

He didn't respond and they spent a further ten minutes in silence. Anne knew she should be nearly home and suspected the driver of taking the longer route to Kellynch.

"Why did you refuse Musgrove?" he breathed.

"Because I do not love him." she answered without hesitation. "Not like that. Not like then." she murmured back.

He let out a long sigh in response to her answer. She was talking in riddles, he had no idea of her true feelings, at present. "So what now? What will become of Miss Anne Elliot? Forever single to be called upon whenever others need her, feeble and alone." he said icily.

"Better alone and feeble, than bitter and resentful."

He huffed. "Are you referring to me?" She did not refute it. "_I_ am not bitter _or_ resentful."

Anne controlled the urge to roll her eyes or laugh out loud. "You are _full_ of bitterness. You have every right to be after all, our family –and I – did you a great disservice."

"_Disservice_?" he said incredulously.

Anne ignored him and continued, feeing braver. "But that does not mean you should hang on to it, it will build up inside you and prevent you from being truly happy."

"I do not-" he tried to interrupt her, but again she ignored him.

"And you are resentful of the fact I –"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Anne was interrupted by Frederick's fist hitting the roof of the carriage, he heaved the window down letting in a rush of cool night air and leaned out. "Stop!" he called to the driver.

The carriage stopped so abruptly Anne was thrown forward from her seat, this time though she stopped herself just in time. She looked at the Captain fearfully. "What was the meaning of that?

He said nothing, only got to his feet and out of the confines of the carriage.

For the first time in the past thirty minutes, he felt able to breathe again. The road was dark, save for the lights from the outside of the carriage, and deserted. He doubted anything foul should befall them, they were only a stone's throw from Kellynch Hall, but he kept one eye out just in case.

"Captain?"

He turned to find Anne out of the carriage and on the road, her shawl wrapped tightly around her. He almost cursed out loud. Why had she followed him? It was late and cold and she should not be outside, but he could not last inside that carriage a minute longer, so he was loathed to suggest they get back in. "I _am_ bitter and resentful." he said quietly, aware the driver could hear them. "But not for the reasons you believe."

"Then why?" she straightened her back ready for the onslaught.

He gathered his strength. It was time she learned the truth, it was time he admitted it to himself. "I am bitter because I lost all that I held dear and all I ever wanted, and resentful of the fact I could have tried harder to keep it. I let it all go so easily. I let _you _go too easily." He came closer to her. "When I returned, all I could think about was forgiving you for all you had done in parting us, when I should have been asking you for _your_ forgiveness for all I did in keeping us that way."

Anne was speechless, was he telling her he regretted his actions after she released him? If he had stayed, what would have become of them? Would he have pursued her further? Would her father have finally given them his blessing? The driver cleared his throat but neither heard it. "If you had stayed you would not have achieved all that you have." she said finally.

He smiled coyly. "Are you doubting my abilities?"

"No, only your priorities. The way we were back then, you would not have thought straight, you would have put me first instead of your career."

The smile lapsed into a frown. "Is that not how it should be? When you love someone, they should be your priority."

"In an ideal world yes, but in reality, you needed to succeed; for your sake as well as mine. You would not have been truly happy if you were forced to take on some other occupation just to keep yourself close to me and a roof over our heads. You deserve everything you have achieved. I would not take that away from you."

He stepped even closer to her and Anne felt her heart skip a beat. "Anne, I –"

"If you please Sir, Miss, it would perhaps be better if you returned to the carriage." suggested the driver.

Frederick turned to answer him, but Anne caught his arm pulling him back around to her. "Please continue."

"Perhaps we should-" he looked towards the carriage and the impatient driver.

"_Please_ _Frederick_," her eyes searched his. "Please continue what you were going to say."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

He smiled at her use of his Christian name. It had been so long since he had heard her call him Frederick, he almost forgot what it was he needed to say. "I leave in just over a month. And by leave I mean the country. The Laconia is waiting for me." His eyes were full of a sadness and desperation.

Anne frowned, he was telling her it was pointless. There wasn't time. After almost three years of waiting, now they didn't have enough time left. She nodded silently and quickly returned to the carriage. Frederick hurried to keep up with her. Offering her a hand to help her inside, she hesitated before placing her small gloved hand in his. As soon as they touched, they both shivered and gasped – so many memories- familiar and yet new. In a moment it was over. Anne climbed inside and let go of his hand. They sat out the rest of the short journey to Kellynch in silence. Both their heads filled with questions and neither having the courage to voice them.

Upon their arrival, Frederick exited first and once more offered Anne his assistance. She took his hand willingly, holding on to it until the very last moment she could without seeming improper. "Thank you Captain."

He frowned; he as back to Captain. He knew it was most likely as the driver could hear them, but he still suspected it could be because she was angry with him. "Good night Miss Anne." he said softly.

She nodded and turned to walk away before turning back. "I wonder… that is … shall I see you again?" her voice was shaking and her teeth chattering. "Before you leave for the Laconia I mean." It was the one question she could not help but ask no matter how nervous.

He smiled sadly. "Of course, I would not think of leaving without telling you goodbye."

She looked relieved and then sad, before nodding and walking thought the gates. Frederick watched until she was safely inside and out of his sight, before turning to the driver. "You may return for Mrs Finch at the assemble rooms. I will walk the rest of the way."

The driver looked out in to the black meadow now bathed in moonlight he knew the Captain would have to cross to in order to reach Monkford, and at the sword swinging by his side. He surmised the Captain could handle himself should any scoundrel appear. "Very well Captain Sir, good evening."

As Frederick made his way to his brother's home, he took no notice of his surrounding, in fact he was that consumed with what they had said to each other, he arrived on Edward's doorstep with no recollection of his journey home at all. They had been on the verge of confessing so much. He especially had wanted to tell her he loved her still, despite events of three years ago, despite all the obstacles still standing in their way; not in whole but in large his Captaincy and impending departure. He wished for more time, to reconnect properly. To discover if her hopes and dreams remained as they had once. To see if she should still be happy as the wife of a Captain.

He had known in that moment their hands met, she was still the only woman he could envisage a future with. From the look on her face as he took her hand, and then when he reminded her of his leaving, she had some feelings for him still too. He longed to know if they were still as deep as they had been then. Did she still love him? He could not bear even the thought of her rejecting him once more, and yet he knew if he had any chance at being happy in his lot in life, he needed her by his side.

She had called him Frederick, even if it had been in an away to gain his attention – it had worked – hearing her sweet voice call him by his given name had been bliss and torture all rolled into one. He knew one thing for sure, he wanted to hear it again. He had no choice but to pursue this; to see where it led.

As he lay in bed that night listening to the sounds of Edward as he arrived home, he made a plan. He would have to work fast; to construe some way of seeing more of her. To learn where she and her heart stood, and then if everything came to fruition – if he realised his real dream – well, he would have to deal with the Laconia then.

Across the meadow in her bed at Kellynch, Anne was experiencing her own dilemma. She knew she loved Frederick Wentworth, there was no doubt in her mind or her heart. It had always been him and always would be. She had been on the verge of telling him that night when he had hit her with the blow of his leaving. She knew his stay could not be for long, but she had hoped for longer. If he was leaving, what would be the point of confessing her love for him? They could not be together, even if he was to stay – to postpone his leaving somehow, there was still the ever present problem of her family. Regardless of all his accomplishments, they would never accept him. Yes she was now of age and free to marry when and to whom she liked, but did she really want to distance herself from them? What if all those _what if's_ she had been faced with at nineteen, came true at two and twenty?

Frederick injured, or worse, her not allowed to accompany him; no home, the chance of children to complicate things further. Her mind rattled with all the questions. She pulled the pillows over her head burying her face in it she let out a scream of frustration. Why was it, fate seemed determined to throw them together, and at the same time keep them apart?

She still held his handkerchief in her hand although soiled with her own salty tears, she could still make out his scent she breathed it in and sighed, absently tracing the stitch of his initials with her finger. She placed it beneath her pillow and sighed glancing towards the window. She wondered if he was thinking of her now. She then realised how inappropriate it would be for him to think of her in her bed – probably while in his. Then she realised she was doing the exact thing herself. She blushed in the dark. When they became attached in the year six, she had thought on it – more than she should, more than an innocent young lady should. The idea of being married. Of sharing a house, a life, a_ bed_ with a member of the opposite sex. She had no notion of the 'ins and outs' of a marriage or procreation; she was much too genteel, but she had imagined what it must be like to be married.

She knew her parents had occasionally shared a bed chamber. She remembered as a young girl creeping in and seeing them in the morning going about their room together in their night clothes. And in rare moments of affection, her ma-ma resting her head on her father's shoulder in the evening while she and Mary had played. Those were the moments that had fascinated Anne. To be so comfortable with another, to whom you were not blood related, all that closeness. Then when she became close to Frederick, she realised how easy it was. To have him hold her to him, and even now and again bestow a kiss, she had imagined how their marriage would be – rather than rare, it would be filled with moments like those. He had once let it slip that aboard a ship, the Captain and his wife would often share a room. It was not always convenient for each to have their own separate quarters. Sophia and the then Captain Croft, he had told her, preferred being together. Anne had found this shocking at the time, but the more time she spent in Frederick's company, the more the idea of falling asleep beside him and waking together no longer seemed wrong. She hoped for it.

She had tried -and failed- to supplant the image of him as her husband, many times. No matter how she tried to imagine herself as someone else's wife, none gave her the feeling of completeness that he did. It was with that feeling still filling her, she was able to drift into a deep sleep.

In the morning Anne resolved to keep busy, she had no notion of when she would see Frederick again. Mrs Musgrove had been telling Anne about the new piano they had purchased for her girls to practice on, and how she would love for Anne to come and play on it. Henrietta and Louisa were still learning and about to go away to school. So she headed up to Uppercross, trying her best to put a certain sailor out of her mind. No amount of determination however could compensate when she was shown in the sitting room only to come face to face with the man himself.

He looked once again as shocked at seeing her there as she him. However unlike a few days ago, he smiled warmly in response. He was sat beside Charles, Mr Musgrove senior stood beside them talking, when he saw Anne he stopped. "Miss Anne? Well this is a pleasure I must say. Two callers in one morning."

Charles grinned. "Yes it is quite a coincidence."

Anne glared at him and then returned his father's smile. "Good morning Mr Musgrove, Charles, Captain. I was looking for Mrs Musgrove, I believed she wishes me to try your new piano."

"Ah yes …" he paused and grimaced. "The girls … lack your finer touch."

Charles muttered something under his breath and Frederick let out a laugh quickly disguised as a cough. Anne was pleased they were getting along so well, but still somewhat surprised to find Frederick in the Musgrove's house. As if reading her mind Charles spoke. "Captain Wentworth heard that Richard maybe considering a move to the Navy and decided _this_ morning to come here and offer advice and any help he can give."

Anne nodded her understanding ignoring what Charles was implying. She felt Frederick's eyes on her at all times; like she used to. She turned her attention back to Mr Musgrove. "If Mrs Musgrove is otherwise engaged, I can come back another time. It is my error, I should have warned her of my intention to visit and not just arrived unexpectedly."

"No, no, she will be more than pleased to see you my dear. I will run and fetch her, Charles could you see to Miss Anne please?"

Once the elder gentleman left, Charles let out a chuckle as he called for the maid to bring refreshment. Anne raised an eyebrow at him before going to stand nearer to him and away from Captain Wentworth. "You would have me believe it is naught but a coincidence you both choosing _this_ morning to visit Uppercross?" Charles said quietly to Anne.

Anne jumped and looked over at Frederick who was busying himself looking out at the gardens. "Believe what you will Charles, it is the truth. I had no notion that Captain Wentworth would be here this morning, as I am sure he will confirm the same about my appearance. Had I known _he_ was here, I would not have called." Charles frowned and she sighed eager for him to let her be. "If you must know _all_ the particulars, we did not part on good terms last night and I am yet undecided if I should want to see him again at all."

It was Charles turn to look surprised. "Well that is not the impression I have gained from the Captain. The way his face lit up at your entrance, I would have thought him very pleased to see _you_ here."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

The maid arrived, drawing Frederick's attentions and putting an end to Charles and Anne's conversation. The Captain attempted several times to draw Anne into discussion, or the very least her gaze, but he failed and as Mrs Musgrove appeared he was beginning to feel at a loss.

"Miss Anne. I am so sorry to have kept you waiting, shall we go through to my sitting room?" Anne nodded her agreeance and followed the lady out.

Mr Musgrove had gone to find his son Richard, so that they could speak to Captain Wentworth, leaving the other two men alone. Frederick spoke first, conscious of how little time he now had. "Does Miss Anne appear to you out of sorts today?"

"Out of sorts?" Charles looked towards the parlour. "No, not in my opinion. She is quite well as usual."

Frederick frowned.

"Although," continued Charles. "She has mentioned you two quarrelled."

"Quarrelled?"

"Last night?" Charles was conscious he was piecing together the snippets of information he had, and that he could in fact be completely incorrect, but he had to learn more to help them. "She said you were not on speaking terms today."

Frederick cursed under his breath. "What am I to do?"

"I do no claim to know what is between you, or what has passed or what there is to come, but I do know time is a great healer. Maybe if you leave her for a while, things will right themselves."

Frederick grunted. "Time is the only thing I do not have at my disposal. Just this morning I received a reminder I should already be inspecting the Laconia and overseeing the preparations." Charles was gaping at him vacantly. "Musgrove?"

"I do believe I have just had the most marvellous thought."

"About?" Frederick sighed.

"About how you can spend more time with Miss Anne while not neglecting your Captain duties."

Suddenly the Captains attention was very much on Charles begging him to continue.

"Father wishes for Dick to join the Navy, but ma'ma has concerns about the lifestyle. Well what could put her mind at rest more, than a visit to the Laconia? You can inspect the ship and give my parents and brother an insight into life in the navy."

"That is all well and good Charles, but I fail to see how this would help me spend more time with Miss Anne."

He smiled widely, "we invite her along of course!"

Frederick shook his head as if he had not quite heard him properly. "Invite her along? Charles we both know it will be impossible. The impropriety for one-"

"She will be my mother's companion, what can be improper in that?"

"Her family will not allow it."

"Most probably not, but you forget my friend, in the two years and a half that have gone by since you were last here, Anne has become of age. If she is invited somewhere and wishes to go, who is to forbid her?"

"And that brings me to along to my next point. Given what she has told you this morning and my own impression of her during our short time together today, she will not wish to go."

"Well then, _we_ must persuade her!" Charles said enthusiastically. Frederick only frowned, full of pessimism. Charles would hear nothing of it. "Trust me sir, it is a good plan."

"What is a good plan?" asked Mr Musgrove upon re-entering the room.

Frederick watched as the younger Musgrove told the older of his intentions. He seemed as excited by it as his son, and was also determined Miss Anne should go as a thank you for all her help to Mrs Musgrove. Although Charles had not told his father why it was imperative she should go, he had made it obvious she was the most sensible companion for Mrs Musgrove. Musgrove senior quickly called for his wife and Miss Anne.

Charles winked at Frederick as the latter went to stand back by the window. He did not want to put added pressure on her by sitting and staring. He waited while the Musgrove men had explained their plan to the matriarch and then turned away while they invited Miss Anne along. He heard her sharp intake of breath and longed to see her face. Resisting no more, he quickly turned his head and caught her gaze; her wide brown eyes were directed at him, "It is a lovely thought Mr Musgrove but I-"

Frederick turned away again, irritated at himself for raising his own hopes unwittingly.

"Before you refuse Miss Anne, you should know we will take care of everything; transport, lodgings, you will be our guest."

"That is very kind of you both, but-"

"Oh please say you will come Miss Anne, I know nothing of all those ships, and you are always so knowledgeable with all the Navy things. Why I have lost count of the number of times I have seen you with your head bent over inspecting that tattered Navy list of yours." Mrs Musgrove rattled on. Frederick spun around at this new information. Mrs Musgrove saw him and went on, "why we even offered to send for another one for her, it was so well worn but Miss Anne would hear nothing of it choosing instead to hang on to that little pamphlet as if it were some long lost treasure."

The kind lady could have no knowledge of how much embarrassment her words were bringing to Anne. She needed to look at Frederick, and at the same time was scared to, in fear of him guessing the truth. She finally met his eyes and found herself locked in the familiar trance, he was pleading with her to say yes; silently asking for more time. She felt herself nodding. "Very well. Thank you. I would very much like to accompany you." Once she had agreed and more plans were made, Anne stood. "Now I must be going home." she said softly, thanking the Musgroves' and nodding towards Captain Wentworth, she made her escape.

Frederick's eyes followed her through the door and immediately he knew he should go after her. "I am headed home too Mrs Musgrove. I must make arrangements of my own and let my men know I will be attending inspection and bringing company."

"Very well Captain. Good day to you sir."

After his own goodbyes, Frederick was finally free of the house and able to quicken his step. He wished to catch Anne before she got far and in sight of Kellynch. "Miss Elliot." he panted as he caught up with her, matching her small stride. Anne had heard his approach. She knew it could only be him, and yet she dare not turn and acknowledge the fact. She stopped. He could not read her expression sideways on, but he suspected she did not look pleased to see him. He frowned as she turned to face him and he discovered his suspicions were correct.

"Captain, why are you following me?"

"I needed to speak with you, about this trip to see the Laconia. You have to know, it was not my idea." He thought he saw a glimmer of disappointment in her eyes. "I mean, I would like nothing more than for you to see her, but I did not wish for you to think you have been placed in an impossible position. The Musgroves'- as nice as they are- are a little demanding." He half smiled. "What I am attempting, rather badly, to convey, is that I should not want you to feel as if you have no choice. If you do not wish to attend, you can say no. It is your decision." He said the last few words with such conviction she could only conclude he was thinking back on another decision which was hers to make.

"I should like to go." she confessed.

His face melted into a grin. "You would?"

"Well I have travelled so little, any fresh place is of interest to me."

"Oh," his grin lessened. "Oh I see."

"I have especially longed to see the port and all the ships. It would be equally enjoyable to see the Laconia."

The grin returned. "You could bring your Navy listing and improve your knowledge." he told her. She blushed and he thought her very pretty in the early morning light, a pink tint to her cheeks. She looked more like she had back then. "What will you tell your family?" He said gravely and her smile faltered.

"That the Musgroves are planning a trip and they have invited me to accompany them."

"You will say nothing of my being there, or that it is my ship you are going to see?" His irritability was returning.

"No." she admitted.

"Am I allowed to ask why?" he said angrily. "Is it because they still have control over you? Or because you are ashamed to be affiliated with me?"

"Neither!" she exclaimed. He stood back stunned at her outburst. It appeared Anne Elliot had the confidence to put at least one person in their place, it was just a pity it was him. She sighed. "If I tell them you will be there, it will only start a ridiculous line of interrogation and end in me being forbidden to go."

"You are of age, you do not need their permission."

"I am still part of the family and do not wish to return to an animosity filled home."

Frederick opened his mouth to argue further but a look from Anne quickly quietened him. "So you are not ashamed to be seen with a lowly Captain."

Anne smiled warmly. '_I would be proud'_ she uttered silently. "Most certainly not." she told him.

"May I be honest with you?" he asked

"I would not want you to be _dis_honest with me."

"I never could." His answer smacked of bitterness again, he had remembered her parting words to him in the year six. He had demanded she tell him the truth; to admit that she had never loved him, she had cried that she had never been dishonest with him – _she never could_\- and yet she had agreed to be his wife and there she was telling him the engagement was off. What else was he to think?

"Captain?"

Her voice brought him back to the present. "I am glad you are coming along." he admitted. "I find I dearly wish for you to see that part of my life. We talked of it so often in the past."

She looked away embarrassed by the memory. "Well if we are being honest, I should tell you I am overjoyed at the prospect. I have often imagined what that life would be like." His eyes flew to hers surprised at her declaration and in recognition, they both blushed.

They stood for a few minutes more discussing their impending trip and Richard Musgrove's chances of making a man of himself in the Navy. Then it was time for them to say their goodbyes. Frederick had some urgent letters to send and Anne had the awkward task of telling her family where she would be spending the next few days.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

The Musgroves had decided to leave the day after the next, to give Captain Wentworth time to let his peers know of his intentions and to allow the Musgroves to make their own arrangements. Charles, Frederick and Richard were to travel on horseback, while the Musgroves and Anne would share their comfortable carriage. Anne decided to leave informing her god mother while last, she knew she would be the one who would be most displeased with her going to a port to look at ships. Regardless of whether Anne mentioned him by name or not, Lady Russel would know Captain Wentworth was involved somehow. Whether directly or not, he would be to blame for Anne wishing to spread her wings a little.

It was to Anne's mortification therefore, as she entered the parlour intent on telling her father her plans, she found the very woman she thought of sat beside her sister Elizabeth, Mary and her father. Anne took a deep breath releasing it slowly. She had turned down Charles Musgrove and been able to stand firm in front of them, why now were her legs wobbly? They will know, she thought. As she greeted them all and went to sit down, only Lady Russel acknowledged her appearance. Immediately asking her where she had been and looking at her in disbelief when Anne told her she had been to the Musgroves to test their new piano.

When it was quiet Anne began. "Actually, the Musgroves are planning a short trip for the day after the morro," she paused sensing no one was listening her to story. "And they have invited me along." At this all heads turned to her.

"A trip? Where?" asked Elizabeth.

"To Plymouth." She swallowed, she could feel her god mothers full attention on her. Hearing the answer Elizabeth was no longer interested and turned back around lazily.

"Why on earth would they want to take a trip to Plymouth?" inquired her father.

Anne looked down avoiding their eyes where possible. "Richard Musgrove is intending a career in the navy and they wish to accompany him there to see what life is really like, and the ships and things."

"And just why have they asked _you_ to accompany them?" Mary probed.

"To be a companion for Mrs Musgrove. Henrietta and Louisa are both too young, and she wishes for a female to accompany her."

"Well they might have considered me. No one ever considers me." wailed Mary.

Anne turned her attention back to her father. "The Musgroves have organised everything and tell me they will cover all expense."

Her father suddenly looked affronted. "Expense? Do the Musgroves think a Baronet of Kellynch cannot afford to send his daughter on a trip to Plymouth?"

"Does that mean you are giving me permission to go? Anne asked hopefully.

Her father looked like he might be, before referring to her god mother. "What do you think of this Lady Russel?"

The lady had remained silent up until that moment and Anne was sure she would have something to say about the matter. "I would like to know who else is going on the trip?" she asked pointedly.

"Mr and Mrs Musgrove, Richard and Charles." Anne rattled off without pause.

"No one else?"

Anne hesitated, and she knew Lady Russel had noted the pause. "Not that I am aware of." she said slowly, feeling her cheeks heat and praying she was not blushing under her god mothers watchful gaze. "But I am not privy to all of the Musgroves plans." There. It was only a white lie. She hadn't said for definite he was not coming, only that she was not sure. After all, there was always a chance he could be too busy. But as she said it she knew she was only fooling herself. The fact was, if Lady Russel had a mind to ask, and Anne was sure between then and when they departed she would have, the Musgroves would be all too willing to tell her how the lovely Captain Wentworth was the leader of their little fact finding expedition.

"How long will you be staying?" her God Mother continued. Anne knew she would be consciously stealing away all snippets of information Anne was sure she would use later to her advantage.

"I will be gone for only three nights. We will travel down in the morning the day after tomorrow, stop off at Exeter for the night, and then on to Plymouth the following day, after spending the night there we shall return home in the same manner as the journey there. As far as I know." This time she answered truthfully. They were all the details she did know regarding their itinerary.

"I have a head ache. I am going for a lie down." Mary announced bringing the attention and gazes around to her. Sir Walter only nodded at his youngest daughter while Lady Russel smiled. Elizabeth had her nose buried in the society pages leaving Anne praying she could find an excuse to leave.

Once she had quit the room Lady Russel spoke once more. "I think Mary is disappointed she has not also been invited. How about you Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth looked up, her mouth gapping. "Me? Go with the Musgroves to Plymouth. Oh I think not. I have much to do here. But by all means take Mary." she sneered. "Although no doubt she will suffer greatly from the journey." she mumbled.

"Perhaps a bout of fresh air would do her well. She is very prone to illnesses and her nerves could do with some bolstering."

It was Anne's turn to gape. "I am not sure … that is Mrs Musgrove had only invited me as her companion. I do not know if it would be prudent or polite to invite Mary along at the Musgroves expense." She looked to her father but his attention was back on the looking glass.

"I am sure the Musgroves would make an allowance this once." replied her god mother. "I will speak with them.

And so there it was. Lady Russel's excuse to enquire after their trip and whom might be attending. Anne should have known. Her heart sank, foolishly she still chose to believe there was good in her god mother and she only had her best interests at heart. If only she could make her see that Frederick Wentworth was in her best interests. Anne had already suffered two lonely years without him, knowing she had made a mistake. Granted this time she was not facing the same choices. He had not proposed, or renewed his sentiments in any way, but she longed for them to be friends at least, so that she may not dread ever meeting him accidently. It would be nice to speak of him without the feeling of guilt weighing her down. To think he may think of her or speak her name without feelings of hatred.

Anne rose and stepped away on the pretence of moving away from the heat of the fire, she stared out of the windows at the gardens and wished she was far away from the house and the watchful eyes of her relations. She loved them dearly, but lately she felt more and more of an outsider. It did not help by her awareness of the financial state of the estate and worries that between them Elizabeth and her father would soon have spent their way through what reserves the family had. Whenever she tried to bring up the subject of economising she got shouted down. She thought back to Charles' proposal and how, maybe, she had been a little bit selfish. She could have gone lessening the burden on her father. But at what expense to herself and her happiness? True she had hardly been happy of late, but marriage was final and she wouldn't- _couldn't_\- put herself through something so binding whenever there was a chance there was another out there for her. Maybe a far away someone she was yet to meet, or maybe someone in the next village that she knew all too well.

She looked back at her family to find Lady Russel preparing to leave. Anne let out a heavy sigh. She should suppose thank the lord she had not been subjected to too much questioning on her return from The Assembly. She knew Lady Russel must have known they had left together. Unless Mrs Finch had construed some cover story. And yet she had faced no reproof from her family. _Yet_. In truth she doubted, other than her god mother, her family even remembered the young man who had once seen something in Anne Elliot that made him want her as his wife. She doubted her father had given him a second thought since the day he left their company in the year six.

"Anne?" Lady Russel was addressing her.

She turned back to face the lady. "Yes."

"I will go to call on Mrs Musgrove now, would you like to accompany me?"

"Now?" Anne cried desperately, she had hoped for some time to prepare. "I mean… I have only just returned. And what of Mary? We have not even asked her if she even wishes to go."

"Regardless of her wishes, I think it would be good for her. And less awkward for you."

"Awkward?"

"Well my dear surely it will be difficult for you to travel and spend time with the man whose heart you may have broken."

Anne coloured instantly; she felt her cheeks heat and tingle with blush. She opened her mouth to say something but her words failed her. She still lacked the courage to stand up to her closest friend. She, who in the place of her own ma'ma, had been such a comfort to her. How could she face her when she discovered she had lied?

"Charles will want someone there to distract him from his sorrow at losing your hand." Lady Russel smiled tightly, just as Anne felt her entire body sag with relief.

She could no longer carry the deception, as the stepped outside Anne took her god mother by the hand. "Lady Russel I should tell you there is a good chance Captain Wentworth will be joining the Musgroves on the trip. He is a naval captain and his ship the Laconia docks at Plymouth. Mrs Musgrove has said she has questions she hopes the Captain will be able to answer for her."

Lady Russel's mouth was twisted and her eyes hard as she looked at Anne with quiet discord. Anne had seen this look before and although she knew deep down the lady meant her no malice, it was hard not to be affected by the cold stare.

"I see." She walked towards the carriage with Anne trailing behind. She didn't speak again until they were within the privacy of the carriage. "I suppose I should be grateful for you being honest with me at least, but I find am I disappointed this honesty cold not show itself earlier Anne."

"I was not being _dishonest_." Anne argued. "I do not know for certain if he will be attending or not. He has his own business to take care of, readying the ship for his departure next month."

At this revelation the Lady's face softened. "Next month?" She nodded to herself. "You seem to be well informed my dear."

"I am only repeating what he has told the Musgroves."

"So he is to leave us again. And soon." Lady Russel looked away from Anne out of the window, but Anne could have sworn she saw her smiling.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Frederick replaced the pen back to its holder and stretched out his stiff fingers. He had been writing for what seemed like hours. He had no notion of how ladies were always writing their letters; pages and pages. He had stuck to the specifics and yet he still felt the effect. He observed the pile of letters ready to post. The ones to his sister and Whitehall would be sent by normal post, however the three regarding his impending departure and subsequent arrival in Plymouth had to go by express. He needed his men to know he would be attending sooner than expected, and that with him he would be bringing company. He had ordered provisions so that they could dine aboard the Laconia, it would be fitting and a good way for Anne – _the Musgroves_\- to see what life was like.

Although it was a life significantly grander than a mid-shipman just setting out, like Dick, would find life at sea. It was a glimpse as to what could be accomplished with hard work. He was testament to the fact. His talent for thinking and planning had gained him possession of his greatest prize: the Laconia. That, and a lot of luck which had been on his side. He had taken it upon himself to arrange the lodgings for the Musgroves in both Exeter and Plymouth, he knew the area well and knew reputable places they might stay which were near the dock. He included that letter inside the thick one addressed to his first lieutenant Harry Harville. They had worked together on the Asp and Harville was one of the few men Wentworth trusted implicitly. He knew Harville would already have everything in order on the Laconia and these few extra tasks would not phase him. Harville was lately married and Frederick had offered Mrs Harville an invitation to the supper. He was sure she would get on with Anne.

He leaned back in his chair thinking of the second Elliot daughter. They had been so near in the carriage to regaining some of the closeness between them that had been lost. And then when he had spoken of his leaving, she had looked genuinely upset by his news. He daren't hope that she wanted him to stay. He could only deduce she was hoping for more time to settle their differences. They had spoken much on the journey and yet still he had plenty to say about events from two years ago. He thought again about what she had said, that she did it all because she loved him. He had been so sure her feelings had not been as strong as his and that was why she has found it so easy to walk away, but now he had doubts and those doubts were eating away at him, wishing his beloved Laconia and all that she promised lay farther away than Plymouth.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Frederick turned to find Edward standing in the doorway and sighed. "They are not worth your trouble."

"I doubt that. Will you be taking another morning's stroll today?" As he said it, the curate looked to the clock and Frederick joined him, it was already late. No doubt Anne would already be on her way back; that was if she had ventured out at all. He realised with sadness he no longer knew her routine or her habits, he wondered if they had changed as greatly has her other personality traits. He had not failed to notice her lack of laughter, the intelligence of her speech and her wit, she barely said a word to anyone at either of the gatherings he had witnessed, instead she stole away to the corners avoiding looking people in the eye and satisfied to blend in to the blur. She used to stand out, at least to him; to him she glowed. He wondered for the first time if she had suffered as much as he now imagined she could have. Could their parting have had such an effect on her to have left her a ghost of the Anne Elliot she once was. "Why does she no longer dance?" he said aloud.

Edward knew instantly who the 'she' was his brother was referring too and frowned before coming to sit down in his usual spot. "You were the last person to dance with Miss Anne. She no longer dances, not since the last night she was partnered with you at Mrs Finch's party."

"That was over two years ago." Frederick exclaimed. "Never since?"

"Oh at first she was asked, but she would always politely refuse. Her melancholy and refusal to enjoy the things young ladies do, painted her as … odd. Suiters stopped coming forward and soon her offers of dance partners dried up also. Now it is just a fact, Miss Anne does not dance."

"Not even with Charles Musgrove?"

"Not even with Charles Musgrove."

"But Why? She loved dancing dearly. It was always I who had to sit by and watch her with other men whose name adorned her card. I would have had her dance all night with me, but propriety forced me to have endure watching her smile in the company of others. But I could never fault her for it, for I knew how much she loved it. Why out of everything did she stop that?"

"Do you really have to ask?"

"You would have me believe it is because of me. My absence."

Edward sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. "I think Anne's great enjoyment of dancing was largely due to her being partnered with you, and even when she was forced to dance with another, she knew you were there in the room with her, your watchful eye on her at all times. Even when you were partnered with other young ladies, there was no jealously on her part, only pride at watching you. The same could be said of you. You talk of enduring watching her in the company of others, and yet I never remember you being jealous. You were both so comfortable with the other, so assured of your feelings and their reciprocation."

"You are trying again to convince me of her feelings."

"Do you still require convincing? After all you have seen. Surely even you cannot help but have noticed how altered she is. Her friends are noticing how different she has become since your return."

"I was shocked I'll admit. When I first saw her standing there in this very room, I would not have known her had it not been for those brown eyes looking back at me. She lacks all of the brilliance, the vibrancy she had when I first met her. And yet, she is still Anne." he dropped his head. "At least to me." he added quietly.

Edward heard it and supressed a smile. He had the lady's confession of how she felt – still felt- and now he knew he was on the verge of hearing his brothers. "You still care for her."

"I … I do not know. I am so conflicted. I think I do, and yet I know I should not, after all she put me through, I should hate her, or at least be indifferent, and yet I cannot shake the fact every time I am in her presence I feel ... complete. For want of better word. Like something has been missing for the past two years since I left. I had always thought she still owned a piece of my heart. It was a piece of my heart which had been broken and would never heal, but hers none the less. But now I no longer know. It could still be that, and it could also be that she still holds the key to mending it again."

"You came back for her, surely that must mean something."

"I came back to prove I had accomplished all that I set out to. And if you remember it was you whose door I came to, not hers. It was not _because_ of her I returned."

"What about the second time you knocked on my door?"

"I had forgotten my gloves."

Edward snorted. "You believed she was about to accept the hand of another. You thought for a time she had. How did that make you feel?"

"I was angry. Of course I was. I was angry that she had found it so easy to move on while I was still alone, still thinking of her."

"And now you know differently. That she is single and had turned down a proposal from another man, a good man. Surely that must give you hope she still holds you dear."

"I do not know anything for sure, not her feelings, nor my own." Frederick frowned.

"What about this trip? You seemed more than happy she would be accompanying you."

"Yes, I thought if we spent some more time together it would make my feelings clearer."

"And what about hers?"

"Hers also."

"And what if these feelings become clear, that they are still very much there? For you both. What then?"

Frederick rose and paced around the small sitting room. "_Then_, I do not know. I am due to leave for the West Country and then onto who-knows-where, in one month." He looked at his brother to find him shaking his head.

"It does not have to mean the end."

"You mean ask her to wait for me?" he shook his own head violently. "I would not have her do that. Look how the last two years have fared her."

"That was when she thought you had forsaken her. She would know how you feel. You could correspond."

"You know I cannot do that unless we were …" he shook his head again. "I will not speak of renewing my offer when we do not even know we are renewing our feelings."

Edward shrugged. "It was just a thought. If you _were_ betrothed you would have certain perks you do not have as courting only, let alone as friends. Then again, if you were to propose, why not just go the whole hog and get married? Then you could take her with you."

Frederick paused his pacing and swallowed down the spark of joy which had risen inside of him. To have Anne as his wife, to have her travel with him like they had always planned for her to do. He frowned. "She may not want to leave her family. Just because she spoke of doing so at nineteen does not mean she feels the same way now." Edward grinned. "What is so amusing?" Frederick asked him.

"It sounds to me like you know exactly what your feelings are. You are already thinking of her accompanying you. That sounds a lot more that you wanting friendship alone. You are thinking of her as your wife. That must mean something. And as for her not wanting to leave her family, I think any reservation she had when you parted will have been put to rest over the last couple of years. The Elliot's are not as they were once were. Since the death of her mother relationships have been strained, however since the refusal of the heir presumptive William Walter Elliot to visit Kellynch and marry Elizabeth, I think bitterness, pride and vanity will run that family in to the ground. If my suspicions are correct, Miss Mary has her eyes on Charles Musgrove as her escape. I would not want to think of Anne left behind to act as nothing but a nurse maid for her sisters and father, or a spinster aunt. She is meant for more than that. She longs to travel, she often tells me such. I presume she has shared this with you also."

Frederick smiled. "A long time ago yes." He looked away lost in a moment, until the clock chiming brought him back. "But all this is conjecture until we know how she feels."

"Are we at least in agreeance your feelings are unchanged. You have never loved another, for you have never mentioned anyone in your letters -as sporadic as they were."

"No, there has never been anyone who has matched her." he admitted. "I do not believe to have ever met even her equal. She cannot be supplanted in my mind, or my heart." he said finally.

Edwards stared at him intently. "You need to tell her."

"What if she no longer loves me? What if she ridicules me for even imagining she could? What if she now agrees with her family, and thinks me unworthy? What if-"

"_What if_, she loves you too?" Edward interrupted. "She is of age now. Do you really want to be wasting precious time you could have together wondering all these scenarios? Coming up with a worst case for each of them. Go man, go now and speak with her, before your trip. Tell how you really feel, tell her anything you think she needs to know, and ask the questions you need answering. Do not live with regret. Do not think on this day in five or ten years' time, and wonder why you never took the chance. I have never see two people more in love than you both. Nor two hearts so entwined. I find it hard to believe that has broken. After all it was her family who disapproved and persuaded her to give you up. Do not forget so readily her accepting you in the first place. She was willing to marry a young commander with naught but ambition to bring to the marriage."

Frederick smiled at the memory. His brother was right, Anne had been so happy when he proposed. As she had said in the carriage she was not that good an actress, he could not believe it was all pretence. They had loved each other fiercely and he had to cling to the hope that that which had attracted her to him in the first place and made her want to give up everything to be a lowly wife of a sailor was still there somewhere, waiting to be awoken once more.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

The day of the Musgroves trip dawned grey and misty, yet the weather would not affect Anne's mood. Surprisingly she had slept well and was looking forward to being away from home, even it was for only three nights. The Musgroves had been approached and at the behest of Lady Russel, willingly included Mary in their invitation. However as of ten minutes previously, Mary had summoned Anne to her bed chamber complaining of a sore throat, informing her sister she could not possible venture out in the cold. She would rather stay in bed with the nursemaid to look after her. Anne had been torn between wanting to insist her sister accompany her for her own sake; for she spent too many days in bed for a young girl. At the same time, Anne could not help but be pleased she would not have to deal with her youngest sisters complaints and be free to give her attention elsewhere.

As Lady Russel would still be enjoying her breaking her fast at home in the lodge, she would not discover the change in plans until Anne was already away. Something else she could not help but be grateful for. It was not that she wished to avoid her god mother, rather lately she felt she was constantly disappointing her and it caused Anne to be greatly conflicted between that of wanting to please her dear friend, and wishing for her own happiness. She had followed the Lady's advice before, only for her to regret it ever since. She could not help but examine her hand, the one he had held as he helped her in and out of the carriage, the way his face had lit up when she confessed her wish to see the Laconia, or his own torment at the fact he would be leaving soon. Could it be he still harboured some feelings for her? And not ones of resentment, but of warmth. She thought on of his reaction to her explanation for ending their engagement, she hoped she had been clear and he understood it had all been for his sake. That she was only thinking of him. That she had loved him then and that had never changed.

_"__Surely, if there be constant attachment on each side, our hearts must understand each other ere long."_

She sighed and packed the last of her things she would require for her visit. Before she left her room, she took the handkerchief now hidden in her keepsake box and stuffed it in to her reticule, if anything it would be an excuse to converse with the Captain should she need it, and if not, it would be a comfort to her.

The plan – as derived by Charles and Frederick, was they should leave early and travel as far as Exeter, there they would take lodgings and allow the horses time to rest before setting off on the remainder of the journey to Plymouth the next day, the same on the return. Therefore she would be away from home for three nights. Three nights in Frederick's company. Not alone, she reminded herself, and yet her stomach still fluttered at the thought. The Musgroves had prepared a basket to keep them nourished on the journey to Exeter and Anne was afraid she would be unable to eat. She looked again at the weather and frowned, she hoped it would not rain. With the gentleman on horseback they would surely be drenched by the time they reached the inn.

At just after half past nine the Musgroves carriage arrived to collect Anne. She was half glad half disappointed to find Captain Wentworth did not accompany them, but then she supposed he would not wish to be seen in Kellynch. She gathered her things and after a quick goodbye to her family – those who were out of bed – she was off with Mrs Musgrove kindly chattering away in her ear. Once inside their generously comfortable carriage, she breathed easier. She was finally free of the constraints of Kellynch and off on her own little adventure.

Their party met with Charles and Richard at Uppercross and just when she was wondering if Frederick had gone on ahead, he appeared at her side of the coach, he nodded his greeting but his face was expressionless. She offered him a small smile and was pleased to find it returned before his eyes were set on the road ahead. She sat back listening once again to Mrs Musgroves chatter, every now and again glancing sideways. Only once did she find him staring back at her but when he saw her looking, he was quick to face the road again. She rolled her eyes to herself. The many ups and downs of their acquaintance was beginning to make her queasy.

Over the next two hours Anne drifted in and out of sleep, her head resting comfortably against the soft fabric of the interior of the Musgroves carriage. The whisperings of the married couple across who commented on how lovely the young Miss Anne was for coming with them and how they still wished she could have accepted Charles, lulled her in and out of consciousness. When she did awake Anne kept her eyes fast shut, she did not wish them to know she was listening. It wasn't until the soft snores of her companions filled the carriage did she dare to slowly open her eyes. Mrs Musgroves head was resting on her husband's shoulder and Mr Musgrove's head lay against her hair. Anne smiled to herself. It was a rarity to see a married couple so close after such a long time. She coveted it, and with that she could not help but look out of the window.

Frederick was once again looking at her, but this time he did not look away. She wondered silently if it was because the Musgroves were no longer witnesses to the exchange. She worried how she must appear; slumped against the seat, her bonnet likely skewed and her face flush from sleep. She straightened herself up and smiled again as prettily as she could muster. Her smile was returned and she felt hers widen. He mouthed something to her, but she could not make it out. He looked up at the road again and she wished she knew what he had said, in an instant she was pushing down the window pane. "I beg your pardon," she cried as loud as she could without waking the Musgroves. But it was not loud enough against the sound of the horse's hooves and the wind around them. Frederick did not even turn his head from the road and she wondered if he had taken offence at her having not understood him. She called to him again and this time a little louder, she glanced behind her to make sure she had not awoken her hosts, but they were still locked in the embrace sleeping soundly.

Captain Wentworth turned at her voice. "I only asked, if you are well?"

"Better than you I expect." she called. "Are you not tired?"

"It has not been a difficult ride, and the views are incomparable." He looked pointedly at her and she blushed.

He could not be talking about her, surely he meant the hills or the meadows. Not her. She sat back in the carriage unsure of how to proceed. In the year six when they were first together he had flattered her constantly and she had fought hard to deter him, in the end she would match each compliment of her, with one of her own aimed at him. He soon gave up. Was he inciting their banter again? She chewed on her gloved hand wondering what to do. Without giving it any more thought she leaned back out of the widow. "I agree." He looked at her, instantly a warm smile on his face and the slightest tinge of a blush on the tips of his cheek bones. Before he shook his head chuckling and forced his gaze back to the road.

They had only gone on a little further when Charles, riding at the other side of her, signalled for them to stop. Mr Musgrove woke with the abruptness of the carriage coming to a halt and hastily woke his wife.

"What is it dear are we there?" she asked sleepily.

"No my love, I believe it is time for lunch."

The baskets were opened and small parcels passed to the driver while the others crowded around the carriage. It was still too damp to dine outside. So the gentleman took a turn sitting down in the comfortable surroundings while Anne and the Musgroves stretched their legs. Anne had stopped to admire some wild flowers when Frederick was at her side. He watched her as she breathed in deeply engulfing the fragrance and smiling. "I find you are enjoying our little jaunt, despite the inclement weather." he commented.

"You have discovered my secret." She smiled brightly. "I am. I admit. I have travelled so little that every fresh place is of interest to me."

"Have you been away from home lately?"

"No," she lowered her gaze not meeting his eyes. "I was at Bath for a brief time the winter after …" she looked up at him searching his face and hoping he understood that which she could not speak of.

He nodded and then shook his head. "You did not care for Bath I know."

"No. I know I once professed that one does not love a place the less for having suffered in it, but with Bath, I find that it has been all suffering, nothing but suffering." She looked away again.

"Forgive me, I did not mean to upset you."

"You did not. Only the memories ... are upsetting."

After a few seconds silence Frederick exhaled. "We should speak of other things." They stood stoic again each trying to determine a safe topic especially when they were not alone.

Anne had already spied Charles eyeing them suspiciously. "Have you much to do in Plymouth, with the Laconia I mean."

He smiled, glad for something he could at least converse about without concern. "Yes, although my first lieutenant is more than capable, I will feel better once I see her again."

"It was a great prize for sure."

"It was. Although on the journey back, there was a time when I thought neither she, The Asp nor I would see port again." he told her. Anne gasped. "After I had bought her in, we were in the Sound, when a gale came on, which lasted four days and nights, and which would have done for poor old Asp, in half the time. Four and twenty hours later, and I should have been a gallant Captain Wentworth, in a small paragraph at one corner of the newspaper; and being lost in only a sloop, nobody would have thought about me."

Anne shuddered. She would have thought about him, she would have cared deeply. She would have been devastated, inconsolable, broken all over again.

"Are you cold? Perhaps you should go back inside the warmth of the carriage."

"No, no it is not that." Anne murmured. "I had no notion you had gone through such a thing."

He smiled. "I did not tell you for you to pity me, only to prove the luck the Laconia has brought me so far. I am still here. And much better for it."

"Miss Anne? Are you ready to depart?" Mrs Musgrove called out to her.

Anne looked up at the Captain apologetically, she would have liked to hear more of his stories. He gestured for her to lead the way back over to the carriage and as she did her foot caught on a root buried in the earth causing her to stumble. He took her arm and held her firm. "Steady as you go there Miss Anne, it would not do for you to take a tumble." The feel of his hands on her, even if it was just to keep her from falling, had her nerves rattled and she felt that same spark that she had the night of the assembly and before then, almost three years before.

"Thank you Captain." she said quietly.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One **

They reached Exeter in good time and were able to take an early dinner in the Inn, both of which Anne found very reputable and presentable. They spent a pleasant evening in the lounge with Captain Wentworth telling more tales of his time at sea, from being a young boy up to his current action in Domingo. Anne listened avidly while attempting to remain nonchalant in front of the others. She would have loved for them to be alone and her free to ask the many, many, questions she had inside of her. Now she had to make do with being polite and ladylike in front of her friends and appearing only slightly interested.

Every now and then though she would forget herself and she found herself leaning towards him in an effort just to be closer to him, he would look at her a certain way, so reminiscent of their past, and she would be lost for a moment as if they were the only ones in the room. Then the Musgroves would make their presence known and she would be back in reality. The reality being they were no longer an affianced couple.

"Do you think you will be ready in time to travel back with us, or will you have to remain behind?" Charles asked.

Anne was suddenly very much in the present. She had not even thought about him not returning with them. Had she been so stupid? She had taken it for granted he would be retuning with them. Perhaps he had already said his goodbyes to Edward and had no intention of returning to Monkford. She looked at him awaiting his answer, knowing the desperation must be showing on her face.

"I … I do not know yet Charles. I will make my decision when I see her and what state my men have her in." he chuckled.

And the subject changed as Richard began asking ridiculous questions about life aboard the ship, ones she knew would irk Frederick and at the same time she had to admit she had had the same thoughts before she knew any better. The use of servants, cutlery, food, sleeping arrangements, it had all been a mystery to her before their time together. Then he had talked at length until she was almost as knowledgeable as any Captains wife who had experienced such things. She was sure she could answer most of Dick's questions herself, but she'd rather sit back with her eyes fluttering closed listening to Frederick's voice. She imagined this was what their married life would have been like, sat in an evening by the fire while Frederick regaled others with their stories, only these she would have been part of them too. She would have been by his side while he experienced all that he told.

"Miss Anne."

The sound of her name sprang open her eyes and embarrassingly she found all their party was eyeing her with pity.

"I seemed to have bored the young lady enough with my tales." Frederick said, but his eyes sparkled with mirth and she knew he had not taken offence.

"Nonsense." she smiled. "I was only resting my eyes and imagining all that you have said. You are a very adept story teller Captain. I could almost imagine I was there with you." The words caught in her throat but it was too late she had spoken them aloud without thinking of the repercussions. Frederick coloured and looked away. Charles was grinning, Richard simply looked bored and Mr and Mrs Musgrove were already speaking of others things. Having embarrassed herself enough for one evening Anne got up to leave. "If you would excuse me, I believe I am a little tired after all. I will retire."

"Oh my dear should you like me to assist you? I don't believe there are any maids to help you." Mrs Musgrove asked her kindly.

Anne was momentarily floored, she hadn't thought of this. Mr Musgrove would of course be there to help his wife ready for bed but she had no one. She caught Frederick smirking and she realised he was probably finding the whole situation of her; a grown woman, needing someone to help her to bed amusing, she straightened her shoulders. "No there is no need Mrs Musgrove, thank you. I am well able to attend myself."

The smirk vanished and Frederick simply nodded his approval. She wished them all good night and made her way up to her room. After shutting the door and placing her stub of a candle on the dresser, she leaned against the door and shut her eyes tight, gathering her breath and letting her racing heart slow down. What had she been thinking saying something like that and to him of all people? _She imagined she was with him_. Even if it was true, she should not have said such a thing. What must he think of her?

She pushed off the door and began to un pin her hair, it was one of the more simpler jobs she could perform while she thought how she could possibly remove her dress with all its buttons on the back. She looked in the mirror turning so she could see the fastenings, she attempted to dislodge some, but after ten frustrating minutes she only managed a few before her arms would no longer stretch or cooperate. She sighed heavily and flopped down to the bed. She looked towards the empty basin and jug and longed for a bath or at least a wash. In her naivety she had failed to pack wash things, she was the daughter of a Baronet, too used to everything being provided for her. She would simply have to sleep in her dress tonight and then beg Mrs Musgrove's assistance in the morning to help her change. She drew back the covers ready for bed when there was a tap at the door.

Panic spread over her as she realised her hair was down and her dress loose enough about her neck she had to hold it to her. "Hello?" she whispered. The tap grew louder in to a knock. Anne jumped at the sound. She placed a hand on the door handle summoning the courage to open it, realising too late her feet were also bare, having removed her shoes and stockings for comfort. She swallowed down her nerves and opened the door a crack, holding her hair back.

A young girl stood in front of her, small with black hair scraped back under a tatty bonnet and kind eyes. She carried a jug of water which was steaming and an array of other items she half tucked under her arms obviously giving her the ability to knock on the door.

"Yes?" Anne asked perplexed.

"If you please Miss, I've been sent to assist you for bed."

"I thought all the maids were already engaged elsewhere."

"They were. I'm not actually a maid. I live a couple of streets away. The gentleman asked me to come and help, and earn a coin if I dare say."

"Gentleman?"

"The Cap' Wentworth miss. My brother, he is on the Laconia. Sorry miss, may I come in, this pitcher is terrible heavy."

Anne startled. "Oh, of course I am so sorry." she held the door wide for her. Still in shock that Frederick had gone to such extremes for her.

"As I was saying, my brother, he says the Captain is such a good man, he would do anything he asked and when he called on us and asked if my brother knew of a maid who could help, I said I would go myself." She beamed proudly.

"When was this?"

"A few minutes ago, Miss."

Frederick must have left just after her and what? Ran to the nearest house of a man under his charge? Anne was so bewildered she could not see straight.

"Nancy?"

Anne stilled at his voice, it sounded so near, and she was suddenly very aware she had left her bedroom door wide open while she stood there in a state of partial undress. She turned to close it quickly as the girl struggled with the pouring the water into the basin. Just as it was almost closed his face was before her.

Frederick has the decency to blush when he caught the sight of Anne Elliot; her hair down, holding her dress to her, the lace ribbons of her stays on show. He averted his eyes dropping his gaze to the floor and it was then he noticed her bare feet. Ten tiny toes peeking out from under her dress. He did not know why that sight affected him more than her hair but it did. He gulped and instantly looked away. "I do apologise Miss Anne I should not-"

"What are you doing here Captain?"

"I..." he turned around to answer her and quickly turned back, a hand over his eyes, he could have sworn he saw her smirking but he ignored it. Speaking once more into the corridor rather than in her direction. "Soap."

"Soap?"

"Nancy, she left the soap behind." He said at last.

Anne could barely control the laughter which was bubbling up inside of her. She had no notion seeing her thusly, could affect him so, she had never seen him so undone. Nancy was already behind her muttering. She thrust her hand through the gap in the door and took the soap from the Captain before going back to her preparations.

"Thank you." Anne said quietly.

"It is only soap. I know, I know you might not have remembered to pack everything. I always keep a spare bar with me." he winced at the ridiculousness of his statement, why should a navy Captain have a bar of soap with him at all times? He could only hope she assumed it was some kind of sailor custom.

"No, I meant thank you for Nancy." She held tightly on to the edge of the door as if stopping herself from opening it and inviting him in.

He finally turned to face her, she was significantly covered by the door as to prevent him from seeing anything he shouldn't. "It was nothing."

"It was everything." she whispered in reply.

His eyes widened by her declaration but before he could comment further she was saying good night and the door was shut.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Frederick leaned against the wall and breathed deeply. He had not known what had possessed him to go running out of the Inn in the evening and banging on the door of his mid shipman Carter's door, demanding he find him a maid. It was pure luck (Laconian Luck) that had Carter's sister Nancy offering her services. He could not imagine what the Keep must have thought as he returned with the young girl, ordered a pitcher of hot water and then walked her upstairs. He laughed to himself at the sight he must have displayed. He heard the voice of the Musgroves coming up the stairs and made his way quickly to his own room. Trying in vain not to remember the sight of Anne with her hair down and her bare feet.

How many times had he allowed himself to imagine just that over the two years since they had been separated? It was not proper and yet he could not help himself. It was not that his thoughts of her were unsavoury, no matter how lonely he had been he had never stooped that low. It was more the idea of her being his wife that he fantasied about. Evenings spent by the fire, long leisurely walks with no one to mind them or clocks reminding them of their need to be elsewhere, and at night falling asleep with her in his arms and waking with her beside him. Making her laugh with his amusing anecdotes and watching her eyes light up as she read something that interested her. Taking her with him on his travels, seeing her reaction to all the new sights. It was all these things that had haunted his dreams while he lay in his bed aboard the Asp.

Now here he was lying just a few feet away from her. Though in separate rooms. Hers had been the last face he would see until he woke and that would have to do he supposed. Until tomorrow when they would reach Plymouth and he would confess all he felt. For he knew now it was the right thing to do, the only thing he could do. If he were ever to chance his happiness again, he needed to take that leap even if it could end in disaster, yet the more time they spent in each-others company he could not fail to notice her warmth and glimpses of the intimacy they once shared. Could Edward be right? Could she be just waiting for him to renew his attachment and all that had transpired once before could come to pass once more?

Anne smiled as Nancy witted on about how nice the Captain was and well respected by his men. He was kind to them all, but did not "stand no messing mind. Makes them all write letters home when I'm sure most of 'em would not. There now miss, let's get you out of that fine dress of yours." Anne allowed her to unfasten the rest of her dress already at ease with the recent stranger. "How do you know Captain Wentworth if you mind me asking, miss?"

"We are acquaintances, our party is to Plymouth to see the Laconia."

"Ah yes, my brother is due back there himself tomorrow. And he takes our youngest brother with him."

"He has a place on the Laconia too?" Anne could not help but imagine this was a rarity for a young man to be placed with his brother on his first vessel.

"Aye Captain Wentworth went to the school himself and made sure he was with our brother when he heard he was coming up. He told them it was so Sam could keep an eye on him. He takes care of everyone like that. It is a pity."

"A pity?" Anne asked as her dress was pulled away from her, she held her hair aloft while Nancy undid her stays and began work on her corset.

"That he has no one to take care of him." Anne flinched but luckily Nancy was already making her way over to the bed putting away Anne's clothes. "There once was talk of a young lady, broke his heart by all accounts. The men sometimes speak of it, The Captain does not know." She looked suddenly at Anne as if terrified she may have got the men in trouble.

Anne only smiled. "Your secret is safe with me."

"They say he was madly in love with her." Nancy rushed out, her enthusiasm for telling her tale obvious. "Some say he even asked her to marry him, but that she released him soon after, broke his heart. He jumped on the first ship he could and fled the country. He was never quite right after that," she added the last part sadly, and when she found Anne looking at her dismayed, she hastily elaborated. "Oh a fantastic Captain for sure, but he always seemed distant, like something was missing and he never quite found it, at least that's how our Sam puts it. He said one night when they were in Domingo, the Captain was in his cups- a rare thing by all accounts- as he was usually the one who looked after the others. Anyway this particular night..." she paused while she soaped up a cloth and passed it to Anne. Anne ran the cloth up and down her arms inhaling the sweet smell of lavender, she gasped. The soap was her soap. The one she ordered in from London her one frivolity. He remembered her soap? Or was it a coincidence; that a man should have this soap at his disposal? She felt herself grow weak and looked in the glass to find her face ashen, "Are you well miss?"

"Yes, just a little fatigued from the journey. Please, please continue."

Nancy looked at the ceiling as if trying to remember where she was and then nodded to herself. "So this particular night, he raised a glass and had all his men toast."

"Is that unusual?" asked Anne, drying off her skin.

"No, it was the person whom they were toasting."

"Oh?"

"He had every man on that ship raise a glass to 'Annie, whom could have been part of all this had only she loved me enough. One and twenty today, finally of age. Many Happy returns.' Or words to that effect I don't remember them exactly, and our Sam being half cut at the time does not have a good memory of it either, but he says the sentiment was there. He had loved her and she had left him. The Captain never mentioned her again and the men knew better than to raise the matter."

Anne hugged her arms about her trying to warm herself despite the heat from the fire. She knew she had hurt him, but she could not have imagined how it must have been for him to be so far from home and family, thinking she did not love him. To have faced it all on his own, keeping his sorrow hidden and still doing his job, being the best he could be. Anne stepped behind the screen and removed her shift as Nancy passed Anne her nightdress, she couldn't speak any more and suddenly she was dreadfully tired, and the prospect of spending the next two days together no longer held the appeal they once did. He was going to so much effort for her and she had been so quick to put him right about what happened, to prove she only did it for him, that she had forgotten about his pain. He had spoken of bitterness and resentment. That he should have fought harder, well now she would have to be brave enough to fight for the both of them.

"Will you need anything else miss- oh good lord I have just realised I do not even know your name, the Captain just kept calling you 'the young lady'."

Anne stopped short at the question, but it was no use in lying, she would find out soon enough. "It is Anne."

Nancy gasped as both women looked at each other, it could be a coincidence; lots of young women were called Anne and yet in that moment Anne knew Nancy knew it was her. That she was Annie.

"Um …" she looked about the room trying to avoid Anne's eyes. "The Captain has asked me to return in the morning, what time do you normally rise?"

"About half past seven will be fine, thank you."

"You're welcome miss." She curtseyed. And then left.

Anne stood in the middle of the room for longer than she should. Her feet were cold and the fire was dying out, she had no notion of time, it could be the middle of the night, or perhaps barely an hour had passed since Nancy left. She was searching her mind for an answer, for advice of what she should do, she was without friends or family to ask. Then she shook her head violently. She would not go to them again anyway, not this time.

No, she had to make up her own mind and stick to it, if she thought there was something worth pursuing with the Captain, then she would find the strength inside her to do it. It came down to one fact, she loved Frederick and she wanted -beyond anything- to be with him for the rest of her life. She needed him by her side, she had tried living without him and she had barely survived the short time since he had been gone, but that glimpse into her life without him had taught her to see it had been a mistake to walk away from him, to let him walk away from her. Now he was back and they were once more in the same circles she could not let the opportunity pass her by, she had been given a second chance and she intended to make full use of it. Tomorrow she would endeavour to share with him the workings of her heart and listen to him while he told her of all the hurt he had gone through at her hands.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three**

True to her word, Nancy Carter was at Anne's door for half past seven the next morning. Having had an uneasy night, Anne was already sitting on the edge of her bed awaiting her arrival. She swept in to her room like a whirlwind chattering away about what had happened since they last met and what she had planned for the day. She spoke about her brothers leaving and her ma'ma crying. How she longed to go with them rather than be left behind. Anne could only nod and smile as she splashed cold water on her face and began to dress. Nancy, although adapt at bathing and undressing, was not as good with hair. Having never done the hair for a grand lady as the likes of a daughter of a baronet she was not used to the many, _many_, pins. Anne ended up assisting her and showing her what to do. The effect in the end was not perfect, but since it would be hidden beneath her bonnet, Anne did not have the mind to care.

Before she left, Anne was sure to wrap the soap in the handkerchief Frederick had given her so that she could keep it close. All these things would be reminders of him should the worse happen and he did not return her feelings. After saying goodbye to Nancy and wishing her well, Anne was busily making her way downstairs to break her fast and meet up with the Musgroves ready for their departure and final leg of their journey, when the man of her thoughts materialised in front of her.

Frederick Wentworth was a little way down the corridor. He was dressed in his Captains uniform, his hat tucked under his arm. Anne had seen him in his blue coat before – the night at the assembly, however seeing him now; her feelings being what they were, she found herself transfixed with his appearance. In a moment he looked up and caught her looking, bravely she did not look away, she only smiled and was pleased to receive one in return. She should go down the stairs, but for some reason she found herself waiting for him. In only a matter of seconds he was beside her. "Good morning Miss Anne."

"Good morning Captain. You are ready for your task ahead I see." she said gesturing to his uniform.

"Yes, we should be in Plymouth before the morning is out and I long to get on with my duties as soon as possible." _So that I can be done and at your disposal_ he added silently.

"I do hope us being here will not hinder them."

"On the contrary I will enjoy having others to share my prize with and all that she offers. My men will no doubt be pleased of the reprieve also." She raised an eyebrow at him puzzled. "I have given most of the men the night off so that we may dine alone."

Anne swallowed and knew she must be blushing again. "Captain I … I do not think it would be appropriate." she stuttered.

Frederick grasped her meaning immediately and grabbed her hand. "No. No, you misunderstand. I mean _our party_. The Musgroves and yourself, are to be my guests along with my lieutenants and their wives." She smiled with relief and the fact he still held her hand. "You thought I meant just us did you not?"

She smiled and chuckled lightly. "I confess that I was afraid that may be the case."

"I would not put you in any danger of being open to scandal. Although, it would not be the first time we have dined alone together." he winked.

"I would hardly call a picnic dining together."

"Ah so you do remember." he smiled.

"Of course I remember. It was the best of days."

"It was the best of _my_ days." He dropped his gaze before looking back up at her sheepishly. "At least one of them."

"You must have had many good days in the past two years with all you have seen and accomplished."

"And yet all of my best days took place while I stayed with my brother in Monkford." he confessed. Now Anne knew she was blushing. "Forgive me. I should not speak of such things."

"Should you not?" she asked courageously.

"It is not proper."

"I hardly think any of this is proper." she sighed. "Our trip. The fact we were previously attached and yet we are the only ones who are aware of it," she paused. "Well us and Charles."

"And Harville my lieutenant."

"And Nancy."

"Nancy?" he said shocked.

"She … guessed. She is very perceptive. Although she does not know all the details, only that we were more than friends once." She smiled and he thought her very becoming. "Will Harville be at the dinner this evening?" she asked.

"Yes. But you need not worry, he will not mention our past."

"Now you misunderstand me; for I rather wished he would." Her declaration had him momentarily stunned. "It would be nice to speak of things, with someone who knows you. Who could tell me how you really fared after we parted." she explained.

"_Anne_, I do not see-"

"Miss Anne!" Mrs Musgrove voice interrupted him. "You are already up, good, good. And Captain Wentworth you too sir."

"Ma'm."

Mrs Musgrove shuffled past them taking Anne's arm on the way. It was only then did she realise Frederick still had hold of the other hand, she looked up at him and he finally noticed, releasing her and quickly saddening them both. These snippets of conversation were all well and good but they needed to talk, to discuss things properly. She could only hope they would find another way of speaking.

Once downstairs they found Mr Musgrove having strong words with Richard, it seemed the latter was having second thoughts about his life in the navy and would rather return home. Anne knew that given the choice, Mrs Musgrove would rather he stay at home too, but that Mr Musgrove was already mind made up, he had to go. He certainly wouldn't want to lose face in front of Captain Wentworth. Once the two men saw Frederick coming towards them in his blue uniform with his hat now atop of his head giving him the appearance of being half a foot taller than he actually was, the whole image was quite intimidating and Richard soon ceased his moaning.

Charles bustled through the door looking brighter than Anne had ever seen him. At least someone was enjoying themselves. He clapped his hands together. "We're all here, capital! Now breakfast and then we shall be off. I have sent word to ready the carriage and the horses." He bristled past them into the dining room leaving them all to follow in his wake. The seating arrangement meant Anne and Frederick were opposite each other and both found it difficult to meet the others eyes and at the same time they found it impossible to look away. Stealing glances across the rim of a tea cup and a smile behind a slice of toast. At one point they both reached for the jam at the same moment and her hand landed on his remaining just a little too long, until Charles cleared his throat and they were forced to pull away. Frederick shot the other man a look that said he was not too happy with the interruption but Charles only grinned. He was enjoying himself _far_ too much in Anne's opinion.

The ride to Plymouth was not as enjoyable as that to Exeter. Richard was now sullen and refused to speak to anyone, riding ahead; though Anne doubted he knew the way. She noted Frederick would repeatedly call him back and point him in another direction. Mrs Musgrove had become melancholy with the thought of her poor Richard leaving home and the possibility of him never being seen again. To which Mr Musgrove could only roll his eyes at Anne as she attempted to comfort the woman by giving her opinion that the Navy uniform would be quite becoming of him, and who knows he may on his return, entice a nice girl from a nice family and settle down.

However the subject of matrimony only brought them round to her refusal of Charles again, to which Anne was again forced to defend her actions. "Please Mrs Musgrove believe me when I say I care very dearly for Charles, he is a wonderful man, but I see him only as a brother, we should not suit. He would be better looking elsewhere. I have suggested he look to Mary."

"Mary is a sweet girl to be sure Miss Anne, but if you do not mind me saying, she is always fancying herself ill. She would be better getting some fresh farm air in her lungs and spend a little more time out of doors."

"I will pass on your suggestion." said Anne tightly, knowing the likeliness of that, or Mary going outside often without a carriage, were both low. Frederick was once more positioned at her side of the coach and Anne now knew this to be consciously done, she had watched as Charles had been asked to step aside when he had taken up the place beside her. She could only hope it was because he longed to be close to her, like she was to him.

Mrs Musgrove was back to asking questions about the Navy again, to which Anne did her best at answering, although she was sure Frederick would do a much better job. In no time at all they were in Plymouth and at the Lodgings Frederick had arranged for them. They were very well done and clean and tidy, the Keep friendly enough, all known to Frederick and all had good things to say about him to which he had only shook his head in reply and told them it was all nonsense and that they would ruin his bad reputation telling people how nice he was. Anne could only think that this was likened to what Nancy had said, it seemed he was respected and revered wherever he went and knowing him like she did, she could easily see why.

"I will let you get settled while I run down to the Laconia and see how she fares. Then I shall meet you here for luncheon, say in about one hour and a half. Then we can all go down to the Sound together and you can take your first look at her." Frederick told the party.

"Her?" Mrs Musgrove asked.

"The Laconia ma'm." Anne replied.

"Oh the boat!"

"Ship." Anne and Frederick corrected together. They looked away smiling awkwardly.

Mrs Musgrove only looked at them puzzled. Frederick stepped forward. "The Laconia is a great French Frigate ma'am and around here we say that warrants the title of 'ship'. She is more than a mere _boat_." He smiled warmly at her and she smiled back fussing at him for correcting her and then she went to join her husband where he was making arrangements with the Keep. Richard had already sulked off to his room, it wasn't long before Charles made his excuses too. They were alone once more. "I hope the rooms will be to your liking." he said quickly.

"I am sure they will."

"Unfortunately Nancy is no longer near enough to be of help to you, but I am sure they will have a maid available."

"I am sure they will." she repeated.

"Anne." he said softly.

"Yes?" she whispered back.

"Would you … I wonder if you would take a stroll with me."

"What? Now?" she looked around her. He nodded. "But you have to go to the Laconia and I should not leave the others, they will wonder where I have gone."

He smiled in spite of her answer, for she had not refused to go with him, only that it should cause an impediment to others. "I confess I do not have to be at the Laconia until later, I said that only as I way of extraditing myself from our party, I was hoping you could come up with your own excuse – say a stroll along the high street – to do the same."

Anne was all astonishment. He had done this solely to spend time with her. She thought of propriety, of what her relations would say, especially Lady Russel. But Anne was in a town where no one knew her, and although many knew him, they had only good things to say about him. What would they think if they saw him walking down the street in broad day light beside a young lady? That she was a female relation? A friend of a friend. Someone he was escorting home. She looked towards the Musgroves' who were chattering away to one another without looking her way. "Just a minute." she told him. "Wait for me outside. I will be along presently."

Frederick stared after as she turned and headed towards her companions. He could not quite believe his plan had worked, he had half expected her to tell him that it would be highly inappropriate and not speak to him again, but instead he was watching as she went to tell her friends she wished to wander off alone when in reality she would be with him. The deception of it should shame him, but all he could think about was how he was about to spend some time alone with Anne. He hurried outside to wait for her.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four**

Anne despised lying, and in particular her lying to anyone; especially those she held dear to her. Yet in the past few days she had told more tall tales than she had since she was a very little girl. The Musgroves' had not even questioned her on it, claiming they needed to rest, they had been happy for her to go off exploring as long a she did not venture far and that she should not lose her way, they made sure she had money to get a chair back to the inn if she was tired, and after promising to take note of all the shops she passed, she left hem behind.

Out in the street she looked left and right until all at once he appeared beside her. "Hello."

"Hello." she answered back nervously.

"Shall we?" he offered her his arm, and she took it without hesitation. She could not keep the smile from her face; being on his arm and when she looked up at him, she found him to be smiling too at having her there.

"What did you tell the Musgroves'?"

"The truth." He looked down at her incredulously. "I said I was going for a walk to look at the shops. It was not I who claimed to be going to the Laconia. It is you who is deceiving them, not me." She smiled mischievously and it warmed him that she was showing glimpses of her previous self.

"You are correct of course. You are quite without blame." He looked away from her smiling. "But what shall we do if someone sees us and the Musgroves' find out we were together?"

She ceased walking and looked up at him seriously, "You can say you changed you mind and then that we ran into each other quite accidentally." She answered simply as if she had already given the matter though, before walking once more.

In truth the conversation was veering dangerously into the territory of the past, back then they had talked about what excuse they would give if they were ever caught together, each one more elaborate than the last.

They stopped now and again to admire some wares in the windows as they passed, Anne commented on each, and he would give her his opinion. It only occurred to her afterward that he had likely seen many of the things before. He did not seem to care though, and let her lead them along marvelling at each thing as she found them. One particular shop had a display of Navy paraphernalia all of which Anne was most interested in. Frederick for his part enjoyed explaining to her what each object was used for.

Her eyes set at once on a small telescope. The spy-glass was gold and, what Frederick suspected was, Ivory. It was not suitable for a Captain on a ship, but it looked light and small enough to fit a lady's hands perfectly. Anne was staring at it so, the shop assistant had come to the door inviting them in for a better look. Keen to not appear rude, Anne obliged the man with Frederick trailing after.

Inside, the walls and shelves were decorated with navy memorabilia and items that had no doubt washed up on the shore after a ship had met her fate. Frederick supposed some of the items may have been brought back by the men who were forced to sell when they fell upon hard times. As he walked around admiring each thing in turn, Anne stood by the telescope. "I find it hard to believe you would use such a thing aboard the Laconia; it is small is it not?"

Frederick smiled to himself at her good sense. "Yes, I would call that a spy glass rather than a telescope. Still," he picked it up and positioned it in front of his eye, twisting the dials back and forth until he could make out the picture clearly. He could see the Sound as if it were in front of him and he smiled, holding it out to Anne. She took it in her trembling fingers and presumed to hold it in front of her face and look through the end. "No, no, you have to ..." he moved behind her and brought his arms about her. Resting them on top of hers he brought the glass closer to her face. He felt her tense under his touch but then, just as quickly, she relaxed. He surmised she was not used to having people in such close proximity with her. For that he was bizarrely pleased. He pulled the glass closer to her eye until it was resting against her face. "Now close the other eye." he whispered to her.

The moment she gasped, he knew she had it working correctly. "Why it is the sound! As if I could touch it." She reached out with her hand and he stifled a chuckle. She looked up at him without turning her face, so close to his, her lips mere inches from his, he could if he wanted to, lean down and capture them. They shared a moment before she remember herself glancing towards the eager to please shop assistant, who had the good grace to look away, and turned back. "Tell me Captain where is the Laconia? I would like to see from up here, how grand she stands in the water."

He smiled again. He had never met another woman who had such regard, such interest, such empathy for all he held dear. He leaned closer to her until his face was next to hers, his hands back on top of hers, he moved them both so that she was pointing the right way. "There." he murmured next to her ear.

She was holding her breath, she daren't move a muscle in case it ruined the moment. She had not been this close to anyone since ... since him. Yet it did not feel wrong, she was not nervous or uncomfortable. Everything about his closeness; the intimacy of his actions, it was all so natural. So that she could imagine they had been doing it for years. She concentrated on what she was seeing through the tiny window of the glass. The moment she found the Laconia she knew why it had mattered so much to him, why he had had to have her. She stood majestic and strong; resolute in the ocean. Standing out amongst all the others. "She is magnificent," she whispered.

"Yes she is." he breathed. But as she lowered the glass and looked in to his eyes she had the suspicion he was not talking of the ship.

Someone cleared their throat behind them and they sprung apart. Anne was turning pink again and although he found it quite becoming of her, he guessed she would not. He stepped in front of her shielding her. When he looked around, he found the proprietor of the establishment had arrived.

Once the man saw it was Frederick he smiled. "Captain Wentworth sir. It is good to see you here again. What can I do for you today?"

"We would like to purchase this please." He took the scope from Anne's trembling hands, ignoring her rambling about it not being necessary.

"Ah a good choice indeed. And would the lady like it wrapped?" He asked around Wentworth, curiosity leading him to make out the identity of the mystery lady the Captain was so eager to protect. Frederick smiled. "Yes please Timmins." He took a few coins from his purse and passed it to the man. Timmins knew when to push his look and when not, believing this occasion to be one of the latter, he busied himself with wrapping the gift and doing his best to appear uninterested in the interesting pair.

"Captain really-" Anne started.

"I insist." He fixed her with a stare which told her it was pointless to argue.

She dropped her head taking the package and holding it close to her like it was the most precious thing in the world to her. "Thank you."

They made their way down the remainder of the high street in silence, Anne was too over whelmed by all that had transpired between them to utter a word, and Frederick content just having her on his arm. They stopped when they came to a bench positioned so that a person could look out to sea. The Captain hastily wiped down the bench while Anne murmured her thanks. After a moment of respite Frederick took a deep breath in releasing it. "You told me that you ended our engagement because you wanted what was best for me. That I would not have done well with you anchoring me down." He looked away from her out to sea, leaning forward resting his elbows on his lap. "I wanted to tell you were wrong, about that at least. I would have done well _because_ of you, _for_ you. With you by my side, I know I would have not only accomplished what I have, but probably more."

"But what of The Asp?"

"There you are correct. I would not have allowed you to travel aboard, even as my wife. You would not have been comfortable, and I would have worried for your safety. You were right to say I had not thought things through before. I had not. All I could think of was the beautiful young woman who had just agreed to be my wife. The logistics of where we should live, and what should happen to you while I was away had not entered my mind, at least not enough. I had no plans in that regard. I knew we would get on, but I relied too heavily on everything working itself out, which is no way for a married man to behave. I chastised you for not putting me first when I am guilty of the same thing. I was so happy with my own circumstance, I did not give any real thought to yours."

She reached for his arm, squeezing it once before letting go. "I was happy. Overwhelmingly so, and we would have got on. I believed in you. You would have seen me comfortable. It was you I was concerned for."

Frederick opened his mouth to say more, but thought better of it and closed it again. Anne knew the time was getting on and she should soon be returning, but they still had not said all that was to be said.

"I think it may be time I was getting back to the Inn." she said quietly.

The Captain looked disappointed but nodded, although he didn't move to get up. Anne stood looking out at the view one more time.

"Do you think we would have been happy?"

Anne looked back at him, his face was downcast.

"I mean now." he added. "Two years on. Do you think we would have regretted our choice? Say I had refused to give you up and persisted with Sir Walter until he gave us his blessing, and we had married. Do you think you would have wished you had listened to them in the first place?"

Anne shook her head violently. "I think we would have been utterly content." she said without hesitation, her eyes watering. "I do not regret my actions, I do not blame myself or my family for having been guided by them, but I confess if Mary _did_ come to me now in the same situation,_ I_ would advise them quite differently." He stood and came towards her. She didn't look at him, but she did smile reminiscently. "I _know_ we would have been happy, blissfully so. We would have quarrelled over silly things and both thought we knew best, I am sure. But we loved each other so, so, much, I cannot think we could have been anything but happy." she looked up to find him staring back at her. "I do not assume to think you feel the same, I know you have told me as much."

"What? When have I-"

"The morning in the clearing, when I asked you about why you had not come back for me and begged me to reconsider, you said it was too late; the feelings were gone. Anyone who could have allowed their feelings to dissipate so easily, could not have believed we would have been happy joined in matrimony, you likely would have already been looking for a … _distraction_." She looked away blushing.

Frederick coloured, "Anne surely you cannot imagine I would have been unhappy in our marriage? I loved you."

"Precisely, _loved_, that love you once professed to have for me was easily forgotten, was it not?"

"It was not easily forgotten. I-"

"Wentworth!"


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five**

They both turned at the voice. Two men approached them. The taller of the two had dark hair, strong features and a sensible, benevolent countenance. The other was significantly younger than the other and Wentworth, he was slight and willowy but had a pleasing face.

Anne looked around her guiltily and tried to ensure there was a proper amount of distance between her and Frederick. As she moved away, Frederick reached out to take her arm and pull her back to him, desperate to finish their conversation. He seethed at the appearance of his two comrades. He only managed to grasp her pelisse at her elbow. She turned at the contact and looked at him worrying her bottom lip. He held fast and faced his ship mates. "Harville, Benwick. Good to see you lads."

Anne looked from him to the men and back again. What was he about? Standing so close to her, his hand on her elbow. Surely he must know how it would appear to them; they were his men. They would think he and she… she was flummoxed and unsure what to do next for the best. She dearly wanted to finish their conversation, but she must return to the Inn before she was missed and now she had two strangers to contend with, one of whom currently knew a great deal more about her then she did about him. The men were already staring at her as she lowered her eyes.

Frederick finally cleared his throat. "Miss Elliot, these are my first and second lieutenants." He motioned to the first man; the taller of the two. "Lieutenant Harville."

The man stepped forward and bowed his head. "Miss Elliot, pleased to make your acquaintance."

Was it just her imagination, or did he say her name with recognition?

Frederick said nothing only motioned to the other gentleman who was smiling brightly. "This is Benwick. Benwick, Miss Elliot."

"Elliot? As in..?" Benwick looked at Wentworth raising his eye brow but Frederick only looked away.

Harville glared at Benwick. "_As in_ Miss Elliot." He turned to Anne. "You will forgive Lieutenant Benwick miss, he has not had to good fortune to have been in the company of many young ladies of your status."

Anne only smiled attempting to hide her own discomfort at the fact more than one of the men knew who she was. "It is quite alright." She looked at Frederick who had the hint of a blush on his cheeks and she wondered how much Benwick knew. Was he aware she was the woman who broke their Captain's heart?

"I was just going to walk Miss Elliot back to the Inn where the rest of her party are staying and then we shall all be coming down to inspect the Laconia." He drew himself to his full height and set his face in a stern expression Anne could imagine him sporting on board his ship. "Is she ready?"

"Aye Captain, she's ready." Harville looked as proud of their prize as Frederick had been.

"I am looking forward to seeing her." commented Anne. Leading all three men to offer her a smile in thanks of her compliment. She looked up at Frederick who seemed close to her than ever. "I should really be getting back now."

"Yes of course."

He placed her hand in the crook of his arm while the other men averted their eyes pretending not to have noticed his action or her reaction. They said good day to the gentleman with promises of seeing them in due course of the day aboard the Laconia, and set off back to the Inn.

They were outside the doors when Frederick stopped and turned to her. "I did not finish saying what I begun earlier. I wanted to tell you when I spoke of feelings having gone away, I was referring to your own. I believed you to be engaged to Charles at the time. I thought it was you who no longer held a care for me." He paused, altering his stance and moving closer to her. "Anne," he whispered, "I have never-"

They were interrupted once again, this time by the arrival of the Musgroves in the lobby. Frederick bit back a curse and even Anne had to stifle a giggle. Whatever it was he was on the way to saying would have to wait once more until they could find a moment alone. She hoped they would, she had a speech of her own to say and she was determined it all be out in the open before they returned home.

It transpired the Musgroves' were that excited at the prospect of seeing the Laconia and being aboard a Frigate they didn't even to think to ask how it was Anne was in the company of the Captain. Mrs Musgrove accosted Anne as soon as she was through the door and dragged her off so that they could ready themselves for the visit.

A short luncheon later, throughout which, Charles made several thinly veiled hints about how convenient it was Anne should have met the Captain out on her stroll. Anne spent most of the meal trying to control her blush and not look at Frederick more often than was appropriate.

After they had eaten, Anne slipped upstairs to put away her gift and change out of her travelling clothes. Once she had freshened up, she returned downstairs to find they already had a carriage waiting. Frederick, Charles and Richard were to walk down, and as Anne believed, give Richard some sound advice about his future prospects, while she travelled with the Musgroves once more.

"Captain Wentworth is a good man." said Mrs Musgrove suddenly.

"Oh yes, yes a fine man." Her husband agreed.

"I do wonder how it is he remains unmarried, as handsome as he is."

"And with a few thousand pounds in his possession, from what he was telling Charles." commented Mr Musgrove.

Anne blanched. She hadn't even thought about his financial circumstance. She knew he had been fortunate with the Asp and the Laconia, but she never imagined he could now be in the position she had always wished he had been back then. Not for her own sake; she would have married him as penniless as he was then, and he had been. Any money he had earned, he had spent freely. It was not until he met her, that he confessed he regretted his hasty immature actions. Now she didn't know what his plans were and why indeed he wasn't already attached to some young Admirals daughter.

"Has he not tempted you Miss Anne?" Mrs Musgrove was teasing smiling at her, but Anne still felt herself go scarlet.

"Now my dear, leave our poor Miss Anne alone, she will no doubt have plenty of admirers." Mr Musgrove said, smiling at Anne.

Anne only smiled back at the flattery and wished they would be at the Laconia soon.

When they eventually got to the dock and met up with the others, Anne could not look Frederick in the eye and he was left wondering if it was his declaration outside the inn that had her unable to meet his gaze. Their moment of awkwardness was soon forgotten as they took in the majestic sight which was the Laconia.

Anne smiled as once more Lieutenant Harville came towards them. She stood back while Captain Wentworth introduced him to the rest of their party. No one seemed to notice she hadn't been introduced or maybe they did and were too polite to say anything. In any case Anne kept her head down. Harville led the party up the gangplank on to the Laconia. It was busily bustling with men as they went about their tasks readying the ship and storing provisions. Frederick explained to them they worked in shifts, allowing some to spend precious time with their families and rest before they would set sail. The men would report for fulltime duties one week before they left. She learned that Harville was lately married, and they would meet his young bride that evening at dinner which was to be served aboard the Laconia.

The Musgroves and Anne, were surprised at the superiority of the living quarters. From all Frederick had told her in the past, Anne was expecting little more than a galley serving food and a few chairs. There was in fact ample space and as he explained.

As Frederick moved around the ship pointing out different shipmen and what their role was. He continuously tried to involve Richard in the conversation to no avail and Anne was beginning to think the trip had been a waste of time – for him at least. For her it could not be further from the truth. Regardless of how she tried to avoid it, Frederick's gaze repeatedly fell on her, he would discreetly offer her a wink or a smile when there was something he believed would amuse her. More than once he moved past her so close their arms brushed against each other and she felt that familiar tingle in her skin from when she was nineteen.

Eager for a little time and space to herself, she sought a moment when Frederick was explaining the masts to Mrs Musgrove, to slip away to the side of the ship and retrieving her battered copy of the navy listings, looked at the numerous ships anchored in the Sound hoping to find details of some of them.

"Can I be of any assistance Miss Elliot?"

Anne turned startled to find Captain Harville stood beside her.

"No. That is, no thank you Captain, I am only trying to discover if my somewhat dated listing has any relevant information."

Captain Harville looked down at the Navy listing and then quickly across at Frederick who was paying them rapid attention despite simultaneously talking to the Musgroves. "That Navy Listing is a little dated, about two years ago I'd say. It's strange, I thought those particular kinds of listing were only available to men in the Navy. It is not the same as the ones made for the general public. Anne looked down at her keepsake, one of the only mementos she had kept from their time together and held it against her only making the situation worse by showing what it meant to her. She felt the blush creep up her cheeks. Harville did not wish to make her feel any more uncomfortable than she obviously already did, so he hastily changed the subject pointing out ships he believed may be found in her listing. Her reprieve did not last long before Mrs Musgrove voice pulled her back to the group.

"And tell me Captain Wentworth, may I be as bold as to ask to see the Captains quarters while we are here?" Mrs Musgrove asked with a girlish laugh. Anne felt herself blushing in the place of the woman who had asked such a brazen question, and also because of the fact she dearly wanted to see for herself.

Captain Wentworth chuckled lightly. "Seen as though I am yet to move in and make it my own, I suppose you may Mrs Musgrove, you may. Who knows maybe one day Richard will be calling the Captain quarters his own."

He said it with a feigned conviction Anne and Charles saw through immediately. It had occurred to each of them a while ago that the Navy was no place for a lazy selfish boy like Richard. They shared an inconspicuous glance as they followed Frederick towards his private rooms. Mrs Musgrove was still giggling uncontrollably and had linked her arm with Anne instead of her husband, while frequently whispering to Anne about how she had never set foot in another mans bed chambers before. Anne could only hold her tongue and keep her blushes under control while she prayed to escape the inappropriateness and of the whole situation.

Frederick led them through a door which opened on to a small sitting room containing a large desk. "This is where I study the charts and make course and update the captains log each night." he explained. Anne's eyes darted to every corner of the room committing it all to memory so that after he sailed, she would be able to imagine him in the space. A second door led to the actual bed chamber, Anne averted her eyes from the bed as much as possible and chose to look out of the small windows at the sea as it bobbed up and down. She tried to black out the Musgroves' as they commented on the quality of the furniture and ample space. She didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to listen to people talk with delight about a space that - had the situation been different- she would have been frequenting and what she once hoped to call her own home from home.

"And sir where does this door lead?"

Anne glanced back over her shoulder to face the party, keen for a change of surrounding.

It was Frederick's turn to blush, although only slight, as he faced them all. "It leads to the mistress' chambers Mrs Musgrove. That is, the rooms which should belong to my wife." He could not help but glance in Anne's direction. "Should I have be fortunate enough to have one."

Mrs Musgrove looked at his colour but thank fully did not notice the person on whom he was intently staring, and smiled. "I'd wager that will soon change sir, I have a feeling you have your eye on someone special already."

She was teasing again but Frederick was not of the mind to charm or play. Noticing Anne purposely trying to avert her eyes from his, he sighed. "I had hoped so yes Mrs Musgrove, but sadly it appears I am too late." he answered cryptically.

The atmosphere in the room became stifled with tension that even though the Musgroves did not know the origins of, they felt just the same. Anne quickly looked away desperate for a way out, and in her haste to find exit from the confines of the room, she dropped her listing. Frederick desperate for a reason to be near her and away from the prying eyes of the rest of their party who were all staring at him, bent to retrieve her property.

"Miss Anne, you dropped this." He looked down at the scrap of paper in his hand and realised it was the tatty Navy listing she had carried around with her, it was then that's he noted it was the same navy listing he had given her when they were betrothed in the year six. His eyes widened with the realisation she had kept it for so long, and treasured it by the looks if it and how she had held it to her throughout the morning. He swallowed down the words he longed to say and passed her belonging back.

"Thank you." she murmured, her voice hoarse from the unspoken questions. Before he could say more she turned and fled from the room.

"I think we may have embarrassed our young friend with all this talk of gentleman's chambers' and matrimony." Mr Musgrove said sheepishly.

"Aye, I should have thought better of it, I am sure her Lady Russel would not approve." his wife added.

Frederick sighed to himself. "No, I am almost certain she would not approve."


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six**

Anne walked quickly along the dimly lit corridors until she found daylight. She didn't feel the tension leave her until she stepped back out on deck amongst the hustle and bustle of the ship. What was she thinking? Going into what would become his bed chambers? It was foolish and improper and …

The way he had looked at her when he spoke of marriage, of not having a wife; she had felt the pain of her decision in the year six all the more keenly. All what he had said that morning as they walked together, his talk of feelings, of having been happy and her responses of how she knew they would get on. She had laid her heart open and now it appeared he was attempting to do the same. But for all the conversations about feelings they had shared over the past few days, their incessant talk about the past and 'what if's' it did not alter the fact that in just a short while he would be leaving on the very ship on which she now stood.

What could possibly come of all their confessions?

Naught but more heart ache and pain for the both of them.

She could wait for him… _would_ wait for him… but for how long? If the war lasted, if he was away for a significant amount of time, would their feelings waver? Would he be tempted by another? Would she be forced into a match for the sake of her family? She shook her head, disgusted at either thought. Then of course there was the very worst, the thought of him not returning at all, that caused her to shiver and sway as her hand reached out for the railing she swallowed down unshed tears, no she could not even allow herself to think on that outcome.

"Miss Anne?"

She turned to find Mrs Musgrove staring at her with kind and concern in equal measures, and behind her the rest of their party. Frederick was at the back, his eyes searching her face anxiously.

"Sorry, Mrs Musgrove, but I have a frightful head ache, would it be possible for us to return to the Inn? Or if you should like to stay, I am happy to return alone."

Mr and Musgrove looked at each other worriedly, and Anne could see, with an edge of disappointment, they did not wish to leave yet but wanted to do right by their guest. Anne looked about her wanting to make the situation better for all. "Perhaps if one of the lieutenants could be spared they could see me safely to a chair and you can remain. I do not wish to cease your enjoyment for my sake." Anne felt guilty enough for being deceitful once again.

Benwick immediately stepped forward eager to be of assistance to the lovely young lady, but at the sound of a throat clearing behind him he instantly desisted. Frederick was at Anne's side before she could blink, addressing the Musgroves. "If you please Mr and Mrs Musgrove, my Lieutenants are otherwise engaged with your visit, I on the other hand are more than happy to deliver Miss Anne safely back to the Inn."

Anne was speechless, trying to remain indifferent and unaffected by his offer, while inside her heart was beating rapidly and her chest so tight she could hardly breathe. It was, as far as Anne could see, blatantly obvious he had made a point of singling her out, offering to escort her himself when he had so many other men at his disposal who could have more than easily done the job. It was also apparent that he was concerned for Anne's wellbeing and coming on the back of his admission about thinking of matrimony, she was worried the Musgroves would be suspicious. Although the thought of spending more precious time with Frederick was appealing, she could not help it would only make matters worse in the long run. The more she allowed her feelings to flourish, the harder it would be for them to part again. She looked longingly at Charles silently begging him to offer his own services. However he only offered her a sly grin and a wink in return.

"I say that's very good of you Wentworth, I am sure we would not trust our dear Miss Anne with anyone else." Mr Musgrove was saying.

Mrs Musgrove was adding that she was sure the Lieutenants were quite welcome to take up the rein of the visit and advising them, and just like that, Anne was being led to the gangplank amongst well wishes and hopes for a speedy recovery. She could feel Frederick beside her even if she could not see him there, for she daren't look into his face, she had always being able to detect his presence even when they were not in the same room. Just being in the same building was enough for her to feel him beside her.

He did not offer her his arm this time and she wasn't sure if it was for propriety's sake, being in the port amongst those that knew him, or whether she had offended him in some way. They reached the carriages when she slowed to a stop, he turned to look at her questionably. "If it is not too much trouble I would prefer to walk. I think it would help clear my head."

"It is quite a walk." he told her.

"It is fine. I like to walk."

He smiled and they walked on. As the streets became more deserted Frederick toyed with the idea of taking her arm once more, but her reaction to his declaration on the Laconia had him confused and worried he was pushing her too fast. He did not wish to make all the same mistakes as last time. He was about to ask her if she would like to lean on him when she inhaled sharply.

"Why do you assume it is too late for you to find a wife?" She was so nervous it came out as rushed and rambled but she knew he had heard her clearly enough.

He looked up at the sky and then at the floor avoiding her eyes. "Because I rather believe it is."

"Do you have someone special in mind?"

His head snapped up so quickly, and he looked at her with such intensity it stole the breath from her lungs once more. "I would have hoped we both know the answer to that question." he breathed.

Anne blushed. "And you believe it is too late because-"

"Because I presumed your feelings had not held as steadfast as they once had." He took her hand in his, caring nought for the passes by. "Anne, what I have been trying to tell you since we arrived here, is that I have never stopped caring for you." He closed the small distance between them. "I have tried to forget you, I even thought I had succeeded until the day I came back and my brother told me you were to marry another. I knew then I could never truly let you go. At first I thought I was jealous at you being able to move on while I never could, but since then, I have thought on it." He smiled. "In truth, it is all I have thought about, throughout all our conversations and mentions of the past, the only thing that has become plain to me is that I love you Anne." He swallowed hard and then taking a deep breath in, continued his confession. "I have loved none but you. My heart is even more your own than when you almost broke two years and half ago." Anne sucked in a ragged breath trembling. He squeezed her hand trying to steady her. "Am I too late? Are such precious feelings gone forever?"

"Frederick-" the use of his Christian name gave him some hope at least. She was not dismissing him. The idea of loving him was not so abhorrent to her. She sighed and he felt that hope disperse. "I had thought you meant it was too late because of the fact you will be leaving soon." she admitted.

He pulled his free hand down his face sighing himself. "I had almost forgotten about that in the midst of everything."

"_That_ is all_ I_ have been thinking of." She slowly removed her hand from his grasp and walked a few paces ahead.

He soon caught her up. "Tell me this, please, if I was not leaving, if I had come back to stay, would you … do you think you could come to love me again?"

Anne's throat constricted as if something had stolen the very oxygen from the air, and then she felt tears began to gather. She looked around her desperate to not make a scene on the street. She nodded violently. "I already do." she half sobbed. "I never forgot you either. I never stopped loving you. You were the reason I turned down Charles. I was not even sure I would ever see you again or if you were married or if you hated me, and yet I still could not imagine myself married to anyone but you." Tears fell down her cheeks but she did not care, it felt so good to say the things she had held dear for so long; to know he felt the same. He stepped towards her as close as he could and held both her hands in his, kissing the inside of her wrists each in turn and then using his free hand to wipe away her tears.

"You love me?" he asked her smiling.

"Yes." she repeated, nodding and smiling through the tears. They both spent a few moments beaming at the other before her smile faded and she dropped her head shaking it. "But it is no good." she wailed, and chastised herself for sounding like Mary.

"Why?" Frederick was so elated at her admission, he could not think of anything that could possibly put a damper on his mood.

"You are leaving." she said sadly.

His smile instantly vanished. "Yes." He acknowledged, cursing Napoleons inexplicable timing under his breath.

"I will wait." Anne assured him, and she meant it, he knew it.

"I know you will, but I would not have you do that Anne. You have waited for long enough. I will not have you waste anymore of your life waiting for me."

"But-" Anne felt like the ground was giving way beneath her feet, did he really expect her to forget all they had said, her heart, she could not do it. Surviving without him, believing him to hate her was bad enough, but to know he loved her and to not be with him, would be worse. "I cannot live my life without you by my side."

He smiled again deeply. "You have no notion how good it sounds to hear you say that." He sighed contentedly, pulling her to him once more. He had not let go of her hands and he liked the feeling of them being anchored together. "But we must think practically, right the mistakes we made last time. The best we can hope for is that when I go to your father he will now accept me and offer us his blessing and then we will at least be engaged, I could always arrange for you to stay with Sophia if she is travelling. But, should your father refuse-" he paused looking at her, she was pulling a face. "What is it?"

"It is … nothing." She looked away again but he placed a hand beneath her chin and pulled her gently back round to face him, silently begging her to tell him how she felt. She sensed his need for her to be honest so she explained. "It is just… you talk of going to my father and you have not…" she trailed off and it took him a few moments to realise what she was getting at.

He chuckled. "It would be more gentlemanly of me, if I actually asked for your hand would it not?"

Her cheeks reddened, but she was smiling.

"I just assumed-" he started.

Anne touched his arm interrupting him. "Please do not ever assume. That was one of the mistakes we both made last time."

He nodded. Taking her hands in his once more, he took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly; his gaze fixed on her. "Miss Anne Elliot of Kellynch, would you do me the greatest honour of increasing my happiness exceedingly by agreeing to be my wife? Again."

Her happiness shone out of her as she smiled widely. "Yes Captain Wentworth I agree. _Again_. But this time it will be the last time, as I never wish to suffer as I did two years ago when we were parted. This time we _shall_ be married, _no one_ shall persuade me otherwise."

Frederick did not wait for a private moment or to be unobserved, in truth he thought of nothing but Anne when he pulled her to him and captured her soft lips with his own. Her age and innocence had made him overly cautious the first time they were attached. He did not want to scare her by showing her how much he felt truly felt for her. Now, although just as innocent, he knew she was older and wiser even by just a couple of years, it had made all the difference. If he was unsure of her willingness to participate he need not have, for after the first moments of surprise passed, she hastily kissed him back desperate to show him the extent of her feeling also, where words would not do.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

Frederick's hands let go of hers and travelled up her arms to her face, his hands cupping her chin holding her to him as he intensified the kiss. Anne felt herself swoon under the magnitude of emotions raging through her. She held on to his arms for support as he took her up, up and away until she felt she was flying. She never felt more nervous and excited at something that at the same time felt so natural, so right. The sounds of the street and the passes-by, if there were any, faded into nothing, all she could hear was the pounding of her heart as the blood rushed around her body.

When at last he broke the kiss he stared deep into her eyes judging her reactions and gauging whether or not he had pushed her too far. Her eyes were fast shut but the corner of her lips lifted into a smile. And that one little movement was enough to bring him relief and to cause him to fall even more in love with her. He leaned forward and kissed her once more, chastely. He stood back and observed her once more, her cheeks pink, her lips swollen but smiling widely now, her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him with such love and warmth he could not help but grin back in response.

Anne recovered first and looking around her to ensure they was yet no one to witness their exchange she slipped her hand into his arm. She gazed up at her fiancé to find him smiling proudly at her presence and thought of mind. His happiness was only blighted slightly by the realisation like Anne, he would not be able to be without her. He had to think of a way in which they could be married, and soon, so that he could take her with him wherever he should go, and in the times when he was forced to leave her behind, be content with the knowledge his wife was awaiting his return in their home. There was so much to arrange and so little time to arrange it all in. He sighed heavily and Anne felt it. She looked back at him with a furrowed brow.

"I am thinking, after that, I may be reluctant to let you go." he confessed.

"Then do not."

"Anne, we must think and plan. We only have a few days until we are to be parted, and if we are to prevent that from happening, we need to work fast." He looked ahead, a plan formulating in his mind. "I could journey back to Kellynch tonight. Seek your father's permission."

"We do not need his permission." Anne reminded him. "And I will marry you with or without his blessing."

He smiled widely at her determination for them to be together. It was the tenacity he had sought in her years ago when they were forced to part. "No, but with no time to have the banns posted, we do need a licence. A common licence would work, but we would have to be married at Kellynch. I do not know if the logistics will work within the time restrictions. The easiest thing would be to wed here, where I can still be on hand to oversee the Laconia and seek permission to have you travel with me. To do that, we would require a special licence." He watched as the realisation dawned on her.

"And to obtain a special licence, one needs to be related to someone in the Upperclasses. For example a Baronet."

Frederick nodded. "Tell me my dear, when was the last time your father had any contact with the Bishop?"

Anne frowned. "Father does not approve of the bishops appearance, and so rarely speaks with him. He has certainly never been invited to Kellynch as far as I can remember, I am unsure either would be willing to help us." Frederick's face fell and Anne felt for him. She squeezed his arm. "But it is worth a try, is it not?"

He smiled again. "You, are worth anything and everything." He lifted her free hand to his mouth and kissed it.

Anne blushed. "It does mean that you will have to seek an audience with my father, and that we will need to convince him to help us. After the last time … I do not know that he will."

Frederick straightened. "Things are different now. I am a decorated Captain, with my own ship and crew and a bright future almost guaranteed. I can provide for you and our family. I may not have an estate but we can build our home, together. I have money to lay on you and the promise of more to come." Frederick paused, thinking of what his brother had surmised about the state of Sir Walter's finances. "He would be a fool to turn me down this time."

Anne thought about it and finally nodded. Her father had been most concerned with her future when he learned she had turned down Charles Musgrove. Although Captain Wentworth had no inheritance to bring to the marriage, he had his own money, and a good career. He was revered by his peers and those higher in ranks. Surely her father would see that. Anne concluded her father would see the sense in the match and how it would result in her no longer being a burden on her father. However her god mother was a different story.

Lady Russel, had made no attempts at hiding how she felt about the Captain's reappearance and any consequent associations Anne had with him. She was sure as soon as the lady learned of their betrothal she would again try to dissuade such a match. When Anne refused to be manipulated would she turn on Sir Walter and use her influence over him to prevent them marrying? Anne frowned inwardly. This would not be easy. But at that moment Frederick looked down at her and her countenance brightened instantly. For she knew by hook or by crook they would be wed.

If they had to wait a little while until he made port again … well then she would muster up whatever courage she had left and face that time without him until she could be his wife. Though in her heart of hearts she knew it would be a great challenge to the both of them to be parted now they were once again attached, she knew once Captain Wentworth put his mind to something, he was not easily deterred. She knew if one person could envision a way for them to be married before he had to leave on the Laconia, it would be her husband-to-be.

_Husband_. Oh how she liked the word. She had often imagined she would never get to say it when talking about herself, but no longer. Now she would have a husband and she would be a wife. She imagined introducing him at parties: 'this is my husband, Captain Wentworth', and he her; 'this is my wife Mrs Wentworth'. _Mrs Wentworth,_ another name she enjoyed saying and yet doubted she would ever have the fortune to use. He had spoken of providing for her and a family. Oh how she longed for children, to be a mother like hers. To unload love on them where hers had been absent of late. She knew Frederick would be a tremendous father and between them would raise good, kind, brave children. She no longer had to imagine a sad lonely life as a spinster aunt. She would be a wife, in charge of a household, possibly a mother and she would travel, like she had always wished to, like they had always planned.

By and by they neared the Inn and Frederick reluctantly relinquished his hold of her arm in his. She sighed. "So what first?" she asked him. "Should we tell the Musgroves? I do feel terrible deceiving them like this."

"I understand your distress, however it would be more prudent if I speak to your father first would it not?"

"I suppose it would yes. But, when will you have the chance to speak with him?"

"I was thinking I may write to him today -and have it sent by express- my intent to meet with him to discuss a personal but important matter. In the hopes he may guess the nature of my request."

Anne frowned she doubted her father had even given Frederick a second thought since he had left in the year six. He would probably have no notion what the Captain wanted to speak to him about. But she believed Frederick was doing the right thing in writing to him first, it would at least show they had been thinking of him when the Captain had proposed and she had accepted.

"Then I will travel back with you as planned, only I shall accompany you to Kellynch and we can tell him together. As you quite rightly pointed out, we are not seeking his permission, only his blessing and with that his help and support in obtaining a special licence."

"What if he refuses? Or he attempts to help us but cannot?"

"Then we will have to revert to the original plan of the common licence and I shall remain in Kellynch in your parish until we can be married."

"But what of-"

"Annie!" he meant to interrupt her to tell her to stop worrying, but the use of the once forgotten, once so precious endearment stopped her instantly. Her eyes widened in shock. "I am sorry." he said quickly.

"No, do not be. It is just, no one … I have not been addressed by that name since you were last here. I had forgotten what it sounded like."

"What would you have me call you?" he asked gently.

She smiled. "Annie is fine. Lovely in fact. I would very much like you to call me Annie." she beamed. "But perhaps only when we are alone."

"Then I hope I shall be calling you it a great deal." He smiled at her and she blushed deeply. He then remembered what he had interrupted her for. "Do not concern yourself with what may or may not happen. Only think of what will be. We shall be married and we shall be happy." She nodded her head in agreement. "Now, you need to get some rest."

Anne shook her head. "I doubt I shall ever sleep again, my mind is running so."

"Well at least keep up the pretence of resting from your headache, while tonight when I hope you will recover in time for the dinner."

"The dinner. I had almost forgot. Maybe it would be better if I remain here."

Frederick's eyes widened in horror. "I should hope the future wife of a Captain will be more supportive when it comes to attending dinner parties arranged by her husband aboard his prize ship." he said sternly, but his eyes were twinkling. "Besides, I would very much like the opportunity to dance with my fiancée."

"I had not thought of that." she smiled apologetically. "Of course I wish to be there, I was only concerned that being together in such close quarters for a long time, we may find it difficult to withhold the truth of our attachment."

"I understand. I for one shall be unable to keep my eyes off you. It has been my downfall all day." he admitted. "Although I shall not be so happy to see you dancing with the other men who will no doubt fall in line for a chance to spend time with such an enchanting young lady."

"You never used to mind. You used to say, let them…" Her words trailed away as she looked down embarrassed.

"I used to say, let them enjoy their few minutes dance with the most beautiful girl in the room for it is I who will spend the rest of my life with her." he finished for her.

"Yes." she murmured.

He smiled at her. "I believe our two years apart has increased my jealous streak. Thinking of you married to Charles, seeing you together at the party -however innocent I now know it was- it still pained to see you with another man."

"But these are your men, your friends. One of whom I know is already married."

"It is foolish I know." He frowned. "How should you feel seeing me with another woman in my arms?"

Anne's face fell and she looked considerably peeved. Frederick smiled inwardly. "I … I would be composed and happy for you to enjoy yourself." she said unconvincingly. Then she let out a long sigh. "In truth on the inside I would hate it." she confessed.

He chuckled. "What a pair we are. We will both appear happy and gay, while inside we secretly seethe. At least we should be content knowing each is in the same amount of misery."

"Would it be easier just to refuse to dance altogether? Or perhaps we could dance the first together and then both claim to be too tired to continue." she suggested.

"If only. But we are both too polite for that. You will be gazed upon by all the young men whose night will be only improved by having you in their arms, and I will in turn allow the young ladies the pleasure of my company as I give them a turnabout the floor."

"We can only hope the evening will allow us some moments of communication continually occurring, and always with the hope of more. And there will be the knowledge of both of us being there."

"But not together in the manner one would like." he said quietly.

"No." she replied sadly. "But one day soon, it will be very different." They both smiled at that.

Frederick left Anne to fake her recovery from her feigned head ache, and resolved there would be no more need to pretend. After tonight everyone would know what his intentions were where Miss Anne was concerned. And hopefully one day not too long after that, they wouldn't need to imagine, or ask, as she would be his wife.

He knew he had to return to the Laconia, to prepare for the dinner and to write to Sir Walter, but first he had questions that needed answering. He only had a few short hours before his guests would be arriving, so he would need to act fast, thankfully London was not that far away.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

He arrived in Whitehall with time to spare. As he flew through the familiar corridors of the Admiralty headquarters, he could only hope every man he wished to see was there and available. He had no time to lose.

The first person he wished to see he stumbled across quite accidently, and literally. In his haste he collided with Captain Croft as he left the Offices he was about to enter. "I say you clumsy oaf what do-" the man looked upon his brother in law in somewhat of a surprise. Knowing him to be in Monkford with Edward. "Frederick, what are you doing here? And in such a hurry my boy?"

Despite the age gap being no more than 15 years between them, the Captain would always refer to him as a boy. It was an endearment first bestowed on Frederick when the young Captain Croft had come to court his sister Sophia, and had never gone away. Neither seemed bothered by it and so it continued into Frederick's adult life. "Captain Croft, I am sorry for my intrusion. I am in a bit of a hurry."

"So I see. But you still failed to answer my question. What are you doing _here_? I thought you were with Edward."

"I was, _I am_. I have brought a party to Plymouth to see the Laconia before I leave. Some things have _developed_ and I need questions answered, and I have a few requests to make which I believe can only be asked in person."

"Well tell me boy, what is afoot? I confess I have never seen you so unravelled."

"I…" Frederick laughed. "I am to be married brother."

"Married! To whom?"

"Anne Elliot of Kellynch." Frederick said proudly.

"The name does not sound familiar. Have we met her?"

"No."

"You mean to tell me you have met and offered to a woman you can only have known a matter of weeks?"

"No. Not exactly. There is much I have to tell you and my sister, but I have no time today. Time is of the essence."

"Why the rush?" and then recognition dawned on the Captain. "You wish to be married before you sail and you wish to know if your wife would be allowed to travel with you."

"Exactly." nodded Frederick.

"Come with me."

"But Captain I must-"

"You must follow me sir; that is an order!" barked his brother.

Frederick shook his head knowing once he pulled rank there was no arguing with the man, he sheepishly followed him, chastising the time he would waste chatting to whoever it was the Captain would have him meet.

Up two flights of stairs and along a long corridor later, the Captains stopped in front of a large oak white painted door. Frederick had never been up to this floor before, it was kept for the offices of the highest rank; the Lord Commissioners' who formed the Navy board. If you were summoned up to these rooms, you were either about to be made Admiral, or thrown out of the Navy for good. Although Frederick looked forward to the former, he did not feel comfortable being here when he knew that was not the outcome. "Croft?"

His sister's husband only smiled knowingly and knocked loudly on the door, swinging it open. The room was large and spacious with huge windows looking out on the London skyline. Long tables ran the length of either side of the room littered with papers, scrolls, books and Navy equipment. In the centre of the room by a grand fireplace were two chairs and a side table supporting a large decanter of what looked like brandy and two glasses. The most imposing feature of the room was a magnificent mahogany desk and behind it -just as imposing- sat Lord Greenwood, a member of the board of Admiralty and of London's notable ton. It was rumoured he even dined with the prince himself.

"Croft? Back so soon?" the man roared from his chair.

His brother only chuckled again. "Yes Greenwood, I believe you may be able to return that favour we were talking of earlier, sooner than we thought."

"I would have thought I already did that." the other man smirked.

"And as I noted, it was not all your decision. You still owe me." Croft wagged his finger at him.

Frederick looked at the two men in confusion, it was as if they were talking in riddles or code. For one thing, he did not even know his brother-in-law was acquainted with such elite in the royal navy as Lord Greenwood. Another, he did not know he owed him a favour or what him repaying it could do with Fredericks business in Whitehall, and lastly he could not fathom what decision they were speaking of or why Croft had already been at Whitehall, something that had irked him since he arrived. He had hoped to catch the Crofts at their London residence, but seeing him in the corridor had been just as good, if not better. As it would have saved him time, now he felt he was wasting it. He cleared his throat reminding both men of his presence.

"And who is this young fellow?"

"Sophia's brother sir. Captain Wentworth of the Asp, lately of the Laconia."

"Ah yes, Wentworth," Lord Greenwood nodded, "I have heard the name."

Frederick straightened his shoulders, proud that a man so high of rank should know who he was and grateful that it was obviously not just on the say so of his brother. "Sir." He bowed towards the man who stood and offered him a hand to shake.

"Now Wentworth, Croft, what may I do for you?"

Frederick looked back at his brother wondering the same thing. Croft spoke first. "The boy here is lately engaged, and due to sail in the next for'night. I have two favours to ask of you and after I will considered our debt settled."

"I had believed it was settled when I made you Admiral." The other man laughed.

Frederick startled in surprise. "Admiral?"

"Yes." His brother coloured. "It appears yours is not the only name to float around these corridors." He grinned bashfully.

"Why did you not say?"

"I have yet to tell your sister and it did not feel right to share my news with anyone other than her at first." Greenwood chuckled at Crofts admiration for his wife. Having married for money he did not understand the workings of a heart in love. Frederick however understood completely. Whenever something significant had happened in his own life, he had always thought of Anne first, of what she would have thought, her reaction. Thankfully he would not have to imagine anymore. "And Greenwood, as I have already said, _that_ was not repaying a favour."

"So what is?"

"The boy needs a licence, one only the loaded gentry and upper classes can provide for him. I know how pally you are with the Bishop. I have heard you tell your stories of your parties." Croft waved his hand. "You could arrange this with little or no effort."

Frederick's mind boggled as he looked at the other man who was nodding slowly. "That I could."

"Secondly, he is to set sail on the Laconia, it is frigate, with plenty of room and a purpose built Captains quarters with a mistress chambers attached, Sophia has travelled with me all around the world, I see no reason why Mrs Wentworth should not be allowed to travel at least some of the time with her husband, can you?"

Frederick eyed the other man with what he hoped wasn't the desperate longing he felt inside him.

"Aye I suppose that could be arranged." He drew up note paper and dipped a pen in ink beginning to write.

Frederick transferred his weight from foot to foot nervously, not knowing what to do first and wishing beyond his might that Anne was there with him so he could hold her and kiss her in celebration. He turned to his brother, friend and now Admiral. "Thank you Sir."

His brother only smiled warmly. "Just tell me in the time I'm saving you, you will visit Sophia and I so we can both meet the lady that has our Frederick in such a state of blissful chaos."

Frederick laughed out loud causing Admiral Greenwood to look up at him like he was a mad man. "That we can do sir."

A short while later Frederick embraced his brother and left him on the steps outside, feeling lighter than he had in an age. The bishop had been written to requesting the licence, in just over seven days they would be free to wed. His superiors had been sent notice that Mrs Wentworth would be joining the Captain aboard the Laconia, at which time Anne would be his wife. He knew she would be as pleased as him, and also a little scared no doubt at such change in such a small amount of time. He had to remember to allow her some space and time to get used to the idea. She would be leaving the comfort of her familiar home and those in it. She would need advice on what to pack, something he hoped Sophie would be able to assist with when they visited. He now knew the letter he was to write Sir Walter, would be more of statement of fact informing him what was about to happen, and not asking him for permission or help. Who would have thought his lowly family would have such connections? He smiled to himself even more pleased that he had made this happen for them without needing the support of Sir Walter or Lady Russel.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

Back at the Inn, Anne was finding it increasingly difficult to remain calm and collected as Anne Elliot would be under normal circumstances. Yet these circumstances were far from normal – no not normal at all. Just that morning she had been filled with unanswered questions, unconfessed feelings and a fear of an unknown future ahead of her. Now just a few short hours later, she was an engaged woman! She had declared her feelings and had them reciprocated in the best way imaginable. She was in love and loved in return, about to become a wife. She knew not when or how exactly, but she knew it would happen- of _that_ she had no doubt.

Anne heard rather than observed the return of the Musgrove's to the Inn. Mr and Mrs Musgrove were talking of her and her health in the corridor outside her room, apparently discussing whether or not it would be prudent to check on her, or leave her to her solitude. Mrs Musgrove was fretting that she would not be able to go to the dinner party, for she could not travel without their guest. Anne smiled to herself behind the door as the married couple weighed up the advantages and disadvantages of waking their young friend. Unbeknownst to them she was wide awake and listening.

Shortly, Anne could listen to their concerns no more, and decided it was high time she put them out of their misery. With a straight a face as possible she opened her door and confronted the friendly pair. "Mr and Mrs Musgrove."

"Miss Anne, my poor dear, how are you feeling? You gave us such a fright running off like that."

"Why if it had not been for Captain Wentworth and him offering to take you back, we should have all returned with you. I hope you know."

"I do know, and I appreciate it, but I would not wish you to ruin your day because of a headache. Besides it has gone."

"You do look rested, and have a glow about you did not have this morning." Observed Mrs Musgrove with a cunning smile. Anne tried to change the subject asking about the ship and Richard, but Mrs Musgrove especially brought the conversation back to her repeatedly. "I do hope you will be well enough to join us on the Laconia tonight."

"Yes, did Captain Wentworth not tell you when he returned? I made a point of saying I would be there."

The other two looked at each other and then at her, shaking their heads in perfect tandem that would have made Anne laugh had she not been intrigued as to why their happy faces had turned so serious. "Captain Wentworth did not return. In all the time we were there. We had believed him to be here taking care of you."

"Not returned? Anne looked at the time on the clock "But he left here hours ago." she said more to herself then the others. "Where could he have gone?"

"I do hope he is able to join us for dinner later, since it was his invitation. It would hardly be a successful time aboard the Laconia if its Captain is not with us."

"Quite." Anne laughed nervously. Wondering what her betrothed could possibly be up to. She hoped he had not decided to speak to Sir Walter in person, especially after their conversation that afternoon. She was sure he had agreed it was better for them to do that together. But then where was he?

Although Anne had packed one of her nicest dresses, it was not her best, and now she found she wished she had. She knew Frederick liked her in whatever she wore, he told her often enough when they were first attached, but tonight in front of all of his friends and those he held dear, she wished she had thought to bring something a little more special. She did not want them to remember this night with her looking less than her very best.

The maid at this Inn was significantly more experienced than poor Nancy at doing hair, but Anne found they did not get on, and she was unexpectedly stand offish with Anne, to the extreme that when she pulled her hair causing Anne to cry out in pain, she swore she saw the girl smile. Anne, being ever polite went as far as to thank her when she was done, but did not bestow the same amount of praise she had on Nancy at her poor attempts. She washed using the soap Frederick had given her and once she was dressed she felt surprisingly calm.

She stood back from the looking glass and tried to see herself through the eyes of others, something that had never concerned her before. She was only two and twenty and yet she felt decidedly older and blander at the side of some the other young beauty's they had seen walking about the town. She was sure Frederick must have seen plenty of more beautiful and exotic women than she, and yet it was her he had offered his hand to, twice. That had to mean something, and with that thought warming her inside she went to meet the Musgroves'.

They all thought her very pretty and she tried to take the compliments without blushing or appearing like she had purposely tried to look nice. Charles was back to his knowing smile, and for once she smiled back knowing that in this case she finally knew more than him. He would be just as surprised as the others when they eventually broke their news. They were a happy party indeed as they made their way back to the Laconia.

By the time they reached her it was after dark, but the ship was a lit with a soft glow that reflected on the water below. Anne breathed in deeply the pungent smell of the ocean and imagined what it would be like to be woken to the sights and smells each day; how long would she have to wait? Captain Harville greeted them on board and introduced them to his new wife. Anne and Mrs Harville got on fast and it was almost enough to take her mind off the fact a very important person was missing from their reception. Lieutenant Benwick appeared and showed them into the dining room where they would be eating. The table was set just as grandly as if they were being entertained in a local gentry's estate. The Musgroves' were suitably impressed, but Anne could think of nothing save for where her betrothed was. Luckily she did not have to ask, as Charles beat her to it. "And where is our host? Captain Wentworth? We have yet to see him since this morning." The others nodded in agreement and wonder.

"I am afraid he has been detained." said Captain Harville very shiftily while looking at Anne. _Could he know? _Anne shook her head, it was no doubt just her imagination. Frederick had not broken her trust by telling his friends, and Captain Harville was not looking at her any more than he was anyone else. "He will be with us shortly." The Captain finished.

"Detained? I do hope it is not bad news which keeps him from us." commented Mr Musgrove. His wife shaking her head beside him.

"No, that is, he has not shared all the details with me," Captain Harville confessed. "I received an express an hour ago, that said to ready everything as planned and he would be joining us as soon as he can."

The others seemed satisfied with this response and went about commenting on the room and meeting the other guests. Anne had no time for Captains and wives she had yet to meet, when her own husband-to-be was missing. As discreetly as possible she crossed the room to where Captain Harville was chatting to Charles, and approached him as indifferently as possible. "Did Captain Wentworth say what it was that kept him from the party? Or where in fact he is?" Anne asked, attempting in vain to keep the anxiety from her voice.

"No Miss Elliot, I am afraid he alluded to both of those things." Harville told her quietly. Anne looked around her for somewhere to pace off her nervous energy, all of a sudden she felt very silly standing there on the ship in her next-to-best dress worrying about how pretty she looked, when Frederick was somewhere off attending to business she knew nothing about. What if he did not return at all? As if reading her mind Harville stepped toward her. "He did say to let anyone who may ask know, that he _will_ be here. As soon as he can, and that all will be well."

Anne smiled at the cryptic message and more so that he had obviously been thinking of her when he wrote it. She returned to the other ladies determined not to let his absence affect her so. She spoke with Mrs Harville and remembered the names of the other guests well, letting the Musgroves' explain how it was they came to be there. All the time, she appeared present though, her heart was with Frederick, wherever it was he was. She repeatedly found her gaze wandering over to the gang plank expecting him to appear at any moment and take her in his arms or some other fairy tale ending. However as they were seated ready for the first course, she found herself once more alone. She was sat to the left of the Captain's chair, Mrs Musgrove to the right, opposite her. As the seat remained empty she felt her nerves begin to rise once more.

Luckily for Anne and the rest of her party, their host was only twenty minutes away and gaining ground fast. Frederick had been furious with himself that he could not have been there for Anne's arrival, he wanted to take her on one side and tell her all of his –their- news privately. Now he would be faced with a dining room full of people all wondering why he was detained and wanting to speak with him. When he would only have eyes and ears for Anne.

As he stabled his horse near the docks, he took a few deep breaths in releasing them slowly letting his nerves dissipate with the sea air. He should not be nervous, in most cases the man wishing to propose was nervous when he offered marriage to the lady, or when he had to ask for her hand from the lady's father, that had been no consequence for him. Asking Anne had been the most natural thing in the world, and there was no need for permission from her father anymore. They were free to do as they wished, and yet, knowing he was about to see her and tell her that they were to be married in a few days and she would be travelling with him, had his stomach in worst knots that before a battle.

As he climbed the steps up to the deck of the Laconia, he tried to remember everything they had said both lately and two years earlier – the good things. He knew resolutely he was doing the right thing asking Anne to be his wife and that they would have a wonderful life together, for all she had claimed and acted, he had to believe she felt the same. This should be nothing more than passing on to her the details of their wedding.

The deck absent of all the sailors who had been given the night off to rest and spend time with their families -those who lived near, and to commiserate in the local Ale houses for those ones that did not- was eerily quiet. Frederick had known it to be like this in the middle of the night far out at sea when a dream had awoken him and he had been forced to walk around gazing up at the stars until his mind was wiped of the images that haunted him; a beautiful face, twisted in anger willing him to leave and that he would never be good enough. It was never like that of course, _she_ had never said those words to him, but in his mind at night alone in his room his mind had played tricks and he had woken hating her and wishing her far away. Now when he awoke in the night, she should be beside him. For mistress chamber or not, he knew as long as she was agreeable, which he hoped she would be, his wife would spend each and every night beside him. He had spent two years missing the feeling of Anne in his arms, he planned to keep her in his embrace whenever possible.

He took a final deep breath in before opening the dining room door to greet his guests and face their onslaught of questions surrounding his tardiness.

As he entered all faces were drawn to his; their eyes all searching his and asking the same silent questions, all his eyes could see was her. She sat at the end of the table beside the place set aside for him. He sent up a prayer that Harville was so intuitive to know that was what he would have wanted. Her stormy eyes questioned his and he realised she was seeking reassurance from him. Looking directly at her, he spoke the words as if she were the only one in the room. "Forgive me, I should not have been so long, it is just I had many urgent things that needed taking care of that could not wait. Believe me when I say I would not be away from you less they were not so important."

Mrs Musgrove spoke first. "There is nothing to forgive Captain, we are only thankful to have you with us now and just in time for the main course." She beamed up at him, but still his eyes remained on the lady across from her. She was still concerned, he could see it in her every action. This would not do, he would not have her sat there fretting all night until he orchestrated a reason for them to convers. He looked again at the friends around the table, it was not a formal occasion, they were not strangers; they would not mind him too much if he took certain liberties. At least he hoped so, as he stalked to the back of the room ignoring the curious stares from the rest of his guests. He reached Anne who by now was shaking as he took her hand in his, she gasped but as soon as their skin touched a rush of calm washed over her and he could see her visibly relax. He quickly looked to his other friends. "If you would excuse me ladies and gentleman just one more minute, there are some important things I wish to discuss with my betrothed." He led Anne to her feet as her eyes widened in shock, and from the room.

Just in time to hear Mrs Harville ask her husband: "Did he just say _betrothed_?"


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

Anne didn't know whether to laugh, cry or shout at Frederick to let her go, as he pulled them from the dining room and the startled guests, in to the galley behind. The two sailors who were preparing their meal looked at the intrusion in shock. With one brisk nod of Captain Wentworth's head the two men quickly vacated the room leaving them alone. Anne felt her entire body begin to shake with anticipation and saw that Frederick was shaking too. "Forgive me." he panted before drawing her to him, holding her hands tightly in his and kissing her palms. "I wanted to be here when you arrived but I could not get back quick enough."

"Back from where?"

"London."

"London!"

"Whitehall to be exact."

Anne had a hopeful thought she knew where this was going; he had asked for permission for her to travel with him and judging by his dramatic entrance and exit with her, she could only hope it was good news. "And?" she looked at him eager to know their fate.

"And my brother-in-law Admiral Croft." Anne gaped at him and he nodded in recognition. "Yes he is an Admiral now. He has friends in high places it seems, and he called in some favours, and-"

"And?" Anne prompted him as her impatience grew.

"_And_." He smiled. "Mrs Wentworth will be welcome aboard the Laconia or any other vessel her husband is lucky enough to command, providing it can accommodate her comfortably and safely." he finished, beaming. Anne's eyes filled with tears. "What is it Anne? Are you angry with me? Did you not wish to travel with me? I can change it, we can find somewhere for you stay while I return if you would rather-"

"No! No!" she found her voice. "I am happy. Exceedingly so. I am speechless. I cannot believe all my hopes are actually coming true." She looked up at him with such love in her eyes, he took a step back to centre himself. "All because of you."

Frederick wanted to tell her how much he loved her and wanted her to be happy, and that the recent events were nothing. But at the sound of impatient curious voices outside he knew he had limited time left. "There is more."

"There is?"

"Yes. The Admiral's friend is also friends with the Bishop; a lot more friendly than your father is with him. Lord Greenwood has already written to him requesting he grant us a licence. Meaning we can be married as soon as we can arrange it."

He looked at her carefully, attempting to gauge her reaction to the news, when she flung herself towards him holding on to his arms for support. "Oh Frederick. This is the best news of all. We shall be married and I shall be your wife and I shall sail with you aboard the Laconia just like we always planned."

Wentworth was taken aback once more, the Anne Elliot he knew was always reserved and conscious of everyone and everything around as to not let her guard down easily. It had taken only a few conversations alone with her in the year six for her to let that guard down and relax around him, but since he returned he had seen her erect those walls once more and he had envisioned it taking a lot longer to break them down this time. Yet here she was showing all of her vulnerability and how at ease with him she was. She trusted him and for that he felt a great deal of responsibility towards her happiness. Even more than being her husband. He thought of the other guests just beyond the door who would never have seen this side of her, and likely never would, in some ways that saddened him, it was not fair they would go on thinking of Anne as only a wall flower happy to blend into the back ground rather than be centre of attention like her sisters. However, at the same time he was grateful for it, it was just another thing that would be between the two of them only, a private thing between a husband and a wife.

"Anne as much as I love having you in my arms, we must speak of serious matters and I cannot do so with you so close to me." She pulled away suddenly, looking scolded and he frowned before pulling her back to him and kissing her softly. It was not as passionate as their kiss that morning, but enough for her to know he still loved her and would like nothing more than to hold her all day long.

When they broke apart she was breathless but smiling. "So what serious matters do we need to attend to? Other than eating the dinner that is currently going cold." she teased.

"Well acquiring a licence is only the first step, I still need to inform your father. Meeting with him would be better, we must return you to Kellynch so that you make peace with your family after what I am sure will be an eventful reunion." He raised his eyebrows. "I must say my goodbyes to Edward and return here to oversee the final preparations and make arrangements for you on board. Then there's the wedding itself, and a visit to the Crofts who long to meet you, and your packing."

Anne sighed heavily. "It seems we have a great deal to accomplish in a short space of time." she said wistfully and then she beamed. "But it shall be nothing when we are together and shall be together for the rest of our lives after these next few days."

He smiled warmly in response. "No. I dare say it will not." He took her hand in his, "so, are we ready to put our friends out of their misery and let them in on our secret?"

Anne blushed. "I rather think you did that when you referred to me as your betrothed."

"I did not. Did I?"

"You did. I did not mind but I think that means the cat is already out of the bag as they say. We need only confirm what they heard and ask them to congratulate us."

"This is wrong, I should have spoken to your father first."

Anne wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "You spoke to him in the year six, he has known about our love for a lot longer than any of the people out there." she reasoned.

"I wish I could say your reasoning will work when he discovers others knew before him, but as you say it is too late now. We can simply enjoy a night of celebrations with our friends and then face your relations later."

"That does sound rather nice." she admitted and began to move towards the door when he stopped her.

"Annie, just promise me one thing, if all this becomes too much, if you change your mind about marrying me or-"

Anne put her hand up to his lips silencing him at once. She shook her head, "I will not change my mind. When we were attached the first time I was persuaded to give you up, but that was on the side of safety. Despite it only being two and half years ago, my age was so different, I was not of age and when I yielded I thought it was to duty, but no duty can be called in aid now. You have more than yourself to recommend you and I will no longer be influenced by others. I want to marry you Frederick; for you to be my husband. I am not afraid or anxious, the only nerves I have are of excitement and wanting the time to move by even more quickly." She looked at him, hoping her confession would reassure him, but she could see the storm in his eyes, he was still not convinced. "I know you think I will miss my family and friends, and maybe sometimes I shall, but I have missed _you_ every moment of every day for nearly three years, and to be with you is _more_ important to me now. I will always love my family, but I love you in a different way, one that makes being near you and having you in my life a necessity a likened to breathing. I feel like I have just woken from a deep sleep, everything seems fresh and new. I look forward to our future. I am not afraid of it." And to prove her words she went up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. Whispering in his ear, "I need you Frederick, you make my heart whole again."

Frederick could not speak or move after her speech, such a speech, such words that made him; a grown man who had been to war, stop and swallow against the lump forming in his throat. What did he do to deserve this wonderful creature? He would spend the rest of his life trying to be deserved of her. Her admission had shattered all the doubt he had left inside him. He vowed from now on out to enjoy the few days they would have of being engaged and then the rest of his life in married bliss as Anne's husband. He straightened his back and shoulders, more proud then he had been in Lord Greenwood's office. "Come my dear, let us keep our friends waiting no longer."


	31. Chapter 31

**First, apologies for the ridiculously long time it has taken me to upload any more new chapters, the only excuse I have is that it has been the summer holidays and the kids have been at home. As they are now back I am hoping to be more constant! Second, thank you thank you thank you for all the lovely reviews. I am so glad you are enjoying this twist on the original. And third, as I have been away so long, please enjoy a nice long chapter to keep you going while I finish editing the next ...**

**Chapter Thirty One**

The moment the affianced couple re-entered the dining room all conversations ceased and an overwhelmingly loud silence hung in the air surrounding them. Frederick inhaled the smells coming from the galley and felt his stomach groan. He had not eaten for several hours having not thought on it while he was busy, and being too enthralled on his journey back to Anne to stop, he was now famished. But he could not even begin to think about eating until all the unrest had been put to bed.

Harville was the first to rise but as he opened his mouth to speak, the Musgroves' beat him to it; Mr and Mrs overpowering the couple in full throttle, wanting to know: _'just what the Captain had meant by the term betrothed? Surely he could not mean they were engaged, when had all the courting taken place? Was he the reason Anne had refused Charles? Did her family know? Was that where he had been?'_

"Please, _please_, Mr and Mrs Musgrove, if you would permit me to explain I feel I can put all your worries at ease." He looked at Anne who was chewing her bottom lip nervously and whose eyes flitted around the room at their friends guiltily. He would not have her feeling disquieted for something that was of his making. He had been wrong to leave her behind with no knowledge of his plans. She would have least been more prepared. The Musgrove's were staring at him expectantly, so, choosing his words carefully, he began. "I have asked Miss Anne to be my wife, and she has consented. Therefore in answer to your first question: we_ are_ betrothed." He looked at Anne once more to find her blushing and a sweet smile arose her lips before she quickly hid it behind her napkin. He felt himself warm inside. She wasn't angry with him after all.

"And in answer to my question Captain?" Mrs Musgrove rose. "Just how long has this understanding been in place?"

Wentworth could sense the concern in her voice, but there was no contempt, she was simply looking out for her young companion and he had to appreciate that.

"Since this morning," he answered, at the exact same time Anne replied: "two years and a half ago."

The majority of the party who were not aware of the couple's history, sat once more with their mouths agape and surprised expressions on their faces.

Mrs Musgrove recovered first shaking her head, "I do not understand. Which is it?"

Frederick took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly, knowing he would need all his inner strength for the next confession. "I first met Miss Anne almost three years ago when I last visited my brother. We," it was his turn to blush as just thinking of that first attraction and all those stolen moments together flashed before his eyes. "We were in each-other's company frequently and before long I found myself asking this wonderful young lady for her hand." Anne eyes met his then, clear and bright, it gave him the strength to continue. "We were engaged for only a few days when we were forced apart by … by means beyond our control." he said tactfully, not wanting to besmirch his father-in-law before he had had the chance to ask for his blessing. "I left, and took up my position on the Asp." He looked at Harville and Benwick who were nodding knowingly. "I had thought my chance to be gone, that Miss Anne would be married upon my return. Fortunately, _surprisingly_, I found she was still single, and that our feelings had remained unchanged. This morning when you Mrs Musgrove asked about me having a wife and life with her aboard the ship, I could not hold back any longer. I offered again and was made tremendously happy a second time."

"So Charles…" Mr Musgrove looked at his son who was sitting composed but uncomfortably.

"I did not mean to cause Charles any upset, if it was felt, then it was unconsciously done." Frederick declared solemnly. "I consider him a good friend."

"There was no upset." Charles looked at Frederick and Anne in turn before settling on his parents. "Anne confessed her story to me, and I have been aware of their attachment for the past few days. It was I who suggested this trip so that they be given the chance to rekindle their feelings."

"Oh Charles." Anne went to him and held his hands. "You will make someone a very good husband, and if the situation had been different, if I had never met Captain Wentworth, then I do believe we would have been happy. As it is, I wish to go forward with you as one of my closest friends."

"You owe me nothing Anne, you _are_ one of my closet friends and I can see how you and Frederick are together, you are meant to be. I wish to find that for myself."

"Oh how wonderful." gushed Mrs Harville.

"Well then I suppose we should offer our congratulations to the happy couple." rounded up Harville.

One by one their party agreed, and each stepped forward with their own blessings and good wishes. The Musgroves' still had unanswered questions and Frederick knew they would need answering, but for the moment the meal needed eating.

After dinner, throughout which they were both peppered with questions relating to their shared past and what had transpired since they were reunited, Frederick addressed their friends' remaining concerns. "I am yet to meet with Sir Walter, however as Anne is now of age, it is more a matter of blessing than permission."

"We will be married." Anne said aloud although more to herself than the room.

He leant across the table and squeezed her hand, not caring about propriety. "Yes we shall."

"But when?" asked Captain Benwick.

Frederick reluctantly let go of Anne's hand and sat up wiping his mouth on the cloth and signalling for the men to take away the empty dishes. "That has everything to do with my absence before dinner." When they once again alone he continued. "Today I rode for London. Whitehall to be exact. I went with the mind of exacting permission from my senior officers for my wife to travel with me – as soon as we can be married. In the end I was able to obtain the approval and much more. It seems my brother by marriage, Admiral Croft, has friends in high places. We have been promised a special licence. Meaning we can marry without the need for banns, _meaning_ we can be married in the next few days – before I leave. So that we shall leave together."

"Oh Miss Anne." squealed Mrs Musgrove now enthralled in the wedding plans and the romance of it all. "How exciting, and yet so worrisome for us all now that you will be away from us and who knows when we shall see you again. My, who will play my piano?"

"I am sure Mary would be happy to come and keep you company Mrs Musgrove." Anne suggested.

Mrs Musgrove wrinkled her nose before catching Anne's pointed stare at Charles. Understanding the intent but still not liking it as an alternative, she smiled. "I suppose it is all we can hope for now."

While Anne spoke with Mrs Musgrove, Frederick was having his own talks with his men. Benwick and Harville had already grasped they would be needed to bring their Captain's plan to fruition and were ready and willing as ever to do what was needed. "I will be absent more than I should like in the lead up to us leaving. I will not be here to oversee everything as usual." He sighed, "I will need to rely on my best men to get things done."

"You can rest assured we will get the job done sir."

"Aye-Aye Captain." Benwick added.

Frederick smiled. "Thank you men, I will need to travel back with Miss Anne to Kellynch to speak with her family, and then there will be the marriage ceremony to arrange. I doubt we will have much of a wedding breakfast before we shall be back here and ready for the off." He stated as a matter of fact.

"If I may interrupt?" Mrs Harville spoke up, earning a cautionary glance from her husband.

"My dear," Harville replied, "we need to help Captain Wentworth prepare-"

"And what of Miss Anne's preparations?" Mrs Harville commanded regardless of her husband.

"Preparations?" The men all said at once.

"Yes her preparations. She is to be a married lady, leaving her home and friends for the first time and coming to live on a ship. Do you not think she may be in need of her own preparations?"

While Harville tried unsuccessfully to quieten his wife, Frederick simply smiled. "What do you suggest Mrs Harville?"

She smiled triumphantly at her husband before turning her attention back to the Captain. "I have heard mention of her father, is she close to her mother?"

Frederick frowned, "Alas, her mother passed when she was only fourteen."

"The poor dear, sisters?"

"Yes two, but I hardly think they will be any help to her they are … they are very young." _In mind if not both in age. _He added silently.

"Does she not have any close friends who could help her?" she looked over at Mrs Musgrove.

"She does have one." he sighed. "Her god mother. A Lady Russel." he ground out.

"You do not approve?"

"We do not get on."

"Well she will be in need of someone to assist her." Mrs Harville commented.

"Can I not be of help?"

"Not for all things no. A lady of Miss Anne status will have certain requirements. Her trousseau for example."

"She does not need to worry about such things. I will be her husband, I will buy her anything she needs."

"And that is very admiral of you sir, but she will require them none then less. She will already be overwhelmed at the thought of coming to a ship mainly filled with men, of which her husband will be in command, she will not wish to bother you with buying her clothes as well." Mrs Harville wrinkled her nose, "besides it is not proper for the betrothed to purchase such … _items_… for his young fiancée." she finished.

Frederick thought on this, he had not given her trousseau a thought at all, he could see Mrs Harville's point, there were certain things he would not be able to buy for her - nor should he – he wanted them to be seen as proper as any couple of her standing, for her sake at least.

"What about a maid?"

"A what?" he said startled out of his pondering.

Mrs Harville smiled, "Miss Anne will require a ladies maid."

"She will?"

"Sir you cannot imagine your shipman-come-valet will be able to assist her in dressing." the woman chuckled.

All the men blushed and the two who were not Miss Anne's future husband looked away. "No, she will certainly need a maid." Frederick agreed.

"And you have, how long in order to organise these things?" Benwick asked.

"A few days." said Frederick wearily. Suddenly very fatigued.

"I can help." said Mrs Harville kindly. "I may not know about employing a maid for a lady of the upper classes, but I know where one can be found and which are best. I will see to about making enquiries in to a maid. Someone local perhaps?"

"Nancy!" Frederick exclaimed.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Nancy, young Carter's sister. She helped out last night, she was saying how she needed the work. I bet if we were to ask her she would jump at the chance to travel."

"Has she much experience?"

"No, but she and Anne got on fast and that's good enough for me. It's not like we will be dining with The Ton every night."

"I will speak to Miss Anne and if she is agreeable, and you can write down your terms, I will arrange everything else."

"Thank you Mrs Harville." he shook her hand before turning to her husband. "You have been very lucky Harville." The lady blushed and Harville grinned. "My sister has expressed an urge to see me before I leave, I will bring Anne, and Sophia will be able to offer her advice on life at sea for the Captains wife."

"That is a good idea."

"The other matter, we shall deal with in Kellynch." Frederick frowned then, knowing their trip back would mean discussions with Lady Russel. As Anne's God Mother she would no doubt take on the role usually performed by the mother of the bride. As much as he did not doubt Anne's loves for him -and her age made all the difference- he could not help but worry once Lady Russel learned of their engagement, she would not attempt to destroy it.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two**

As it was, Anne was very agreeable to have Nancy as her ladies maid, and although she would have liked nothing more than to have been there to ask her in person, she had to trust Mrs Harville would act in her stead. She did worry about what Mrs Carter would think to them stealing her children away to the Laconia, but Frederick assured her she had another three at home and would be grateful of the extra wages coming in.

With at least one job checked off on their list, Frederick already found himself calmer. They arranged with the Musgroves' that he would accompany them home and he would go straight to Kellynch with Anne to seek her father's blessing and settle any matters relating to the marriage before going to arrange the wedding itself for a week's time. He knew by then he would be in receipt of the licence. The Laconia was due to set sale in eight days' time, Frederick hoped to book a quaint inn or cottage for the wedding night near to the Sound so they could have at least one night alone.

Although they had the Captain's quarters to themselves, he knew they could never truly be alone on the ship. He would always be on call should his men need him, and that night he wanted to be at Anne's disposal only. That left him with the next six days in which to get everything else organised, he knew his men could be relied on for readying the ship, but that didn't mean he would be absent the whole time. He intended travelling back and forth as much as he could help it. The only downside to this plan was that he would be spending less time with Anne, but by the sounds of what Mrs Harville was saying, she would be busy herself.

After all mentions of Frederick and Anne's union and the wedding had been put to rest, the music began and there was dancing.

The Musgroves eyes were fixed on Anne, as her fiancé neared her expecting her to dance. It was a known fact throughout Kellynch and Uppercross that Miss Anne Elliot did not dance. She had not danced in years. The reasons behind such an unhappy circumstance ranged from a lack of rhythm to her being too delicate to dance. As she took Frederick's hand without hesitation, they were forced to accept that the only reason Miss Anne Elliot did not dance, was due to the absence of her preferred partner.

In fact Miss Anne Elliot did dance; she danced the first set with her Fiancé before succumbing to the Lieutenants' Harville and Benwick, and delighted Charles with a turn around the makeshift ballroom. For the final set, Wentworth reclaimed his lady and Anne could not remember enjoying an evening more since the first time the Captain had proposed.

During their time together, Frederick asked Anne about the visit to his sister's which she heartily agreed to; she had looked forward to meeting the other member of the Wentworth family, and the famous Admiral Croft to whom they owed so much.

"Today is Thursday we shall be back in Kellynch on Saturday, on which we shall speak to your family and Sunday you can have to yourself to see to your own _preparations_. We can travel together with Edward acting as chaperone to see the Crofts, before returning back to Kellynch for the wedding the following Sunday." He exhaled heavily. "We shall be busy."

"We certainly shall." Anne chuckled. "But every minute of discomfort shall be worth it, for in the end we shall be married."

He grinned then. "Yes, and it shall not be all discomfort. I promise you." He winked and she blushed. He suddenly had the urge to clarify what he meant. "I was referring to the shopping and meeting my sister."

She blushed even further. "As I thought."

He reddened then, as the music stopped both gazed at the other, not sure who was more embarrassed. Frederick realised then that they had not discussed any fears she may have over their impending union. He knew it was not the way, and she would normally discuss such matters with her mother or married sister, but in this case regrettably she had neither. He doubted Mrs Musgrove would be much use, and Lady Russel would no doubt paint him in a very bad light indeed. "Anne, would you care to join me in a stroll around the deck?"

Anne looked around her. The others were dancing in the centre of the deck and a stroll would hardly be inappropriate given the proximity to everyone else. She nodded.

As soon as they were out of the ear shot of the others, Frederick addressed his concerns. "It has occurred to me that you may be feeling a little … _apprehensive_ about all that is about to befall you."

"Apprehensive?"

"Marriage. Becoming a wife. Coming to live with me on the Laconia. It was only a short while ago you doubted you would ever see me again and were considering life as a spinster, something -I might add- would have been an inconceivable waste and a punishment on society."

She giggled. It was such a lovely sound, he hoped to hear it again, and when he thought on it and realised given the prospect of a lifetime together it was very likely he would, he laughed too. "What do you find so amusing Captain?" she asked lightly.

"Nothing in particular. I am just sublimely happy."

"And I." she sighed dreamily. "But what were you going to ask me before we were both so sublimely happy?"

He thought of for a moment, lost in her smile. "Oh yes, I was wondering if you had any feelings of apprehensions regarding us becoming wed."

"How could I have any concerns? It is my fondest wish. I cannot wait to be your wife and to live with you here." She looked around the ship.

"What I mean is, do you … are you…. That is…"

"Frederick, we have already gone round the deck once, do spit it out before people begin to call us back."

He stopped then and looked out to sea, seemingly gathering the courage. "I am worried about frightening you." he rushed out. "About hurting you." he added quietly.

"Why should you frighten or hurt me- oh!" She stopped, her hand flying to her mouth. "I see."

It was his turn to looked away abashed. "I know you would have such a discussion with your mother and in her stead, I worry Lady Russel may paint a rather dim view of the … of what shall happen. Particularly of me. I wanted you to know, no matter what she, or any other should tell you, I will not do anything to harm you or scare you. I love you Annie, and I will protect you from everything, including myself."

She sniffed back unshed tears, "I will never need protecting from you, and when that time comes, I know you shall take care of me and you would never intentionally hurt me." she said softly.

Once again pride swelled in his breast that she would think so highly of him and he vowed to stand by his promise.

"And as for living here," she looked about her again this time a little more unsure. "I am a little nervous to be sure, but I will have you and Nancy and Harville and Benwick. Friendly faces amongst the strangers. I am sure I will soon adapt."

"I _know_ you will." He raised her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist tenderly.

They both strolled around the remainder of the ship, the music and laughter of their friends drifting away to sea. "Did you ever imagine just a week ago that we would be here now, talking of our wedding? That in another week we shall be here married." she asked.

"I dreamed of it often, but I could never let myself believe those dreams would come true."

He sighed then and could not help the frown which crossed his face. Or Anne from noticing it.

"You are worried about something." she guessed, before wondering what. "You are worried about my family and Lady Russel. Their reactions."

"I cannot help it, I confess. I know you are of age and the circumstances are different, but I cannot forget."

"You are right to feel worried after last time, but I can now put your worries at ease, because _unlike _last time, I have seen the alternative. I have lived it, and this time, no-one shall persuade me that life is better. Besides, who knows, maybe they shall be grateful of our union and that you are there to take me off their hands. They were mortified when they learned I had refused Charles, mainly because I would remain at home."

"That is ridiculous. Who in their right mind would wish you away?" he asked, genuinely perplexed. "Do you really think they will be pleased?"

Anne frowned giving him his answer. She sighed, "in all honesty, I do not believe you shall have the same reaction from my father as last time. I do not mind telling you the purse strings have been loose of late and I worry they will be unable to maintain such a lifestyle. One less mouth to feed and house would be a happy result. But Lady Russel-" she shook her head unable to meet his eyes.

"She still believes me beneath you." he said. "She is right in that."

"No she is not." argued Anne.

"Anne, you are the daughter of a Baronet; the middle daughter. You should be marrying for money if not title, or both. Neither of which I have, at least not in abundance. I have enough set by to keep us comfortable and the promise of more to come, but I do not come _from_ money. In her eyes, among many others; I am not your equal." His gaze fell to the floor. "However, I defy anyone who claims to love you more than I, who will respect you and take care of you and provide for you better than I will." His gaze returned to meet hers.

"I believe you." she said solemnly. "And please remember, I will be there to defend you and protect you too. I will not let her force her opinions on us anymore. I hope she will see things our way and will be available to help me, but I will not bend my will for her. If she does not approve or cannot come to give us her blessing, we shall do this without her."

"Strong words."

"I am stronger now"

He smiled. "I believe you."


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty Three**

It was with a heavy heart Frederick stood on the deck of the Laconia and watched as the carriage carrying Mr and Mrs Musgrove, Mrs Harville and Anne left the harbour and proceeded to carry them back to the inn. Charles and Dick had stayed behind to join the Captain and his men in another few rounds and perhaps some cards. Frederick should be glad of the company but yet he could only think of his betrothed as she vanished from sight.

He was apprehensive about the idea of going back to Kellynch and of facing her family so soon after they became engaged. He felt it was almost history repeating itself. However, this time was different, not only was she now of age and if Anne was to be believed –and Frederick did – she fully intended to marry him this time. Within the next few days. That, perhaps, he found the hardest to believe. He could not quite reckon how he had come so far since he first arrived on Edward's doorstep learning about Anne's possible understanding with another man. He looked over at Charles and not for the first time felt a pang of guilt. He was sure Charles cared deeply for Anne and had matters been different he would have made her a good husband. However matters were different and although he felt bad for Charles, it would not dampen the joy he felt inside at the prospect of himself being Anne's husband.

"You are missing her already."

The voice breaking the silence and his thoughts startled him and looked round to find Harville a step beside him, looking at the path the carriage had just taken.

"Is it so obvious?"

Harville chuckled, "You have been stood with your gaze fixed on her path for the past ten minutes with a look on your face which reads of longing. I have seen that look before, often in the mirror before I have to leave Tilly."

Frederick sighed. "Forgive me Harville. I forget you say goodbye to your wife, while mine shall be with me. I have no right to look so melancholy."

Harville laughed again. "Parted for nearly three years and on the cruellest of terms, I think we can all forgive you for wanting your wife to be with you every second of every day. Tilly understands – as do I- that she cannot travel with me and it makes our time together all the more precious." He turned to Frederick. "And the reunion more sweet." He winked before slapping his friend on the shoulder and directing him back to the other gentlemen.

Charles was trying his best to appear in good spirits and happy for the newly affianced couple. He was genuinely happy for Anne and knew deep down they should not have suited, however he could not help but imagine how things could have been different. If for example, his family had moved to the area two years earlier, would he have already been attached to the lovely Miss Anne before she ever laid eyes on the lucky Navy Commander? He would never know. And he knew better than to torment himself with questions he could never obtain the answers for.

He knew Frederick would take care of Anne, he could see plainly he loved her and that she returned that love, something she would not have done –completely- if she had agreed to marry himself. He felt a sense of anger and pain for the fact that both Miss Anne and his new friend Wentworth had endured two and half years of misery at the hands of others, and he would not add to it. He had shaken Frederick's hand and wished him well and he had meant it. He would not ponder on the 'what could have been's', he would not spend the rest of his life envying the match, no he would look elsewhere, if Anne was to believed, Mary was keen on him and longed to leave home and run her own. Although in his heart she would never live up to Anne, he could grow to love her. She was a pretty thing and would be a good amiable wife. No, he must forget the elder Miss Elliot and set his sights and his heart on Miss Mary becoming the next Mrs Musgrove.

Richard had become bored with the talk of matrimony, no matter how much time he spent in the company of Miss Anne, he still found her to be too quiet and insipid for him. He could not understand why a man as great and powerful as Captain Wentworth would want to shackle himself to such a woman and so soon. Should he not enjoy his new found wealth and enjoy the company of many young ladies before tethering himself to a wife? He would certainly not marry so young. He intended to live life as much as he could. He had not envisioned a life aboard a ship like the Laconia, but if it meant he could be away from his meddlesome family and his Father's tight purse strings, he would be thankful for it. He could earn his own money and live away from home seeing the world and all it offered. He was sure the Captains had embellished the cruelty of life aboard a working ship for his sake. The conditions could not be so bad, had they not endured it themselves for many years? And still, they came back for more. No, he was sure he would get on and it would be the making of him.

The evening finally drew to a close a little after midnight with the brothers Musgrove returning home and the Captain and lieutenants to their quarters. Captain Wentworth had allowed Harville's wife to remain aboard with her husband for the night. He was in such good spirits with his own luck, he could not bear to part them. There were barely any other officers on board, so it would not be a problem. She would be gone first thing in the morning and the look of appreciation on both their faces was enough to push aside any doubts he may have had. Benwick had retired to write a letter to his sweetheart Fanny, telling her all of the news, so it as was Frederick went to his own bed smiling at all his good fortune.

He did not think he would rest so easily, he was still energised by all the events which had taken place and the thought of all those in his near future. There was the ever present niggle at the back of his mind whenever he thought of Kellynch, despite Anne's attempts at calming him, he still would feel a weight had been lifted when that visit was over. He lay in his bed and examined his rooms more closely. In a few days these would be Anne's rooms too and there would have to be some rearranging and improvements made. He would set a couple of fellows the task on the morrow. He smiled to himself thinking of Anne and her glee at all he had accomplished. He had been nervous all the way back from London for no reason. She was as excited at the prospect as he. With Anne smiles on his mind as he closed his eyes, he slipped into a peaceful slumber.

He was awake bright and early the next morning already dressed when the man acting as his valet arrived for duty, Frederick dismissed him with a few errands instead. Carter arrived shortly after with Nancy in tow. Her eyes bulging at the sight of the ship and after Carter had made it clear to a few of the ship men she was his sister, Frederick let her look around the quarters that would belong to he and Anne, and then the room next to it which would be hers. She seemed very pleased and grateful for the chance and expressed a delight at serving the young lady who had been so kind to her. She also congratulated the Captain on his recent engagement. He then suggested that Nancy accompany him to the Inn so she could assist Anne that morning and journey with them to Kellynch to help with her packing. She was keen to go wherever she was needed and Frederick thought again how he was pleased with the appointment.

They arrived at the Inn early and were not surprised to learn all their party were still abed. Nancy immediately went up to see to her lady, while Frederick was forced to await everyone's arrival in the breakfast rooms. Before long, Charles and his father appeared. Richard, he learned, was still asleep though they had let him know he should rise soon. It had been decided between Charles and his father, the younger Musgrove would stay behind with his brother to ensure he attended the signing of his contract which would join him to the Kings Navy for the foreseeable future. Mr and Mrs Musgrove would share the carriage with Nancy and Anne, with Frederick once more on horseback. Although he did not relish a long ride back, he imagined with his new found purpose the journey would not seem so long.

Only a few minutes later Anne appeared; looking lovelier than he had ever seen her. Apparently being engaged suited her and he couldn't help feel a little pride for the change he had brought about her. Nancy was behind her carrying her bags although Anne constantly turned to offer to help the young girl. Eager to prove his worth as her betrothed, the Captain surged forward taking the bags from the grateful Nancy and smiling at the ladies as he carried them down the stairs.

He was pleased to find Anne ready to leave. He had hoped to be away as soon as possible, so that they could have some time together once they reached Kellynch before their ill-fated meeting with the Baronet. Anne smiled at his chivalrous attempt and he remembered how the results would be worth the trouble of seeing the pompous Sir Walter once again. In truth it was not Sir Walter he feared for he could do nothing to prevent their union. Anne was of age and he of means. No it was the icy Lady Russel he knew would cause problems. He very much doubted they would get away with a congratulations from her. She was sure to oppose to the match and be sure to tell Anne as such. She would try her best to persuade Anne to turn away from him once more and he hoped with all his heart and soul Anne would keep her word –and her recent bravado- and tell her she was not so persuaded this time.

He noticed Anne eyeing him with concern and surmised his face must be displaying his distaste at seeing the God Mother of the woman he loved once more. He attempted a smile but Anne only frowned more. She knew something was wrong. Already she knew him better than all others. He would not be able to keep anything from her in their marriage and he never planned to. He walked towards her eager to put her mind at rest when Mrs Musgrove and Richard finally appeared.

After a somewhat subdued breakfast – a few members of the party still recovering from the celebrations the night before- the party said their good byes and went their separate ways. Nancy followed Mr and Mrs Musgrove into the carriage complimenting them on their choice of vehicle much to the delight of the couple. Anne delayed as long as possible wanting to speak to her intended alone. They had barely exchanged words over breakfast and she knew she must clear the air before they began their journey. Something had irked her fiance and had him looking troublesome and although she could guess what it was, she would much rather hear it from his own lips.

Frederick was preparing his horse in the nearby stables when she found him. "Captain?" she called out, anxious there may be other people in the stable, however when no one answered she took a deep breath. "Frederick?"

He rounded the corner a smile on his face that said he had been waiting for her to address him as such, she contained the urge to roll her eyes at his teasing. "Yes Anne, is there something I can assist you with?"

"I would like to know what had you looking quite so stern this morning, the first morning after we have learned we are to be married in just a few days."

He lowered his gaze ashamed that he had looked so sorrowful when he had every reason to be ecstatically happy.

"You were thinking of them again were you not? My relatives? Despite my assurances I no longer care for their opinions, and this is only a matter of informing them of our decision to marry and to invite them to the wedding should they wish to see our union."

He shook his head chucking lightly. "You speak like it will be easy, our going back there, when we both know at least one of your friends will be aggrieved at our decision and will attempt to thwart our union."

Anne blushed. "I stand by what I told you last night, Frederick, I want to be your wife more than anything else in this world, I will not let anyone thwart anything. If they cannot accept it, then I will turn my back on those who seek to destroy our happiness."

"Anne-"

"No, I will not be persuaded." She had tears in her eyes and Frederick knew she meant every world. While once she had cried because of the actions others had forced her into, this time she cried out of love for him and a wish for them to be together.

He went to her without pause. Enveloping her in his arms. "I did not think it was possible Miss Elliot, but I do believe I have just fallen even more in love with you." She coloured deeply and he thought her very pretty. "With such brave words from my beautiful wife to be, I can no longer prevent the smile from my lips. Rest assured Anne you will not catch me sorrowful again." He leaned in to kiss her when someone cleared their throat behind them. He turned to find Nancy in the doorway purposely looking anywhere but at them. "What is it Nancy?"

"If you please Sir, the Lady and Mister are wanting to know if you are ready to leave, and where Miss Anne has gotten too." At the last part she smile widely.

Frederick matched her grin with one of his own and turned back to Anne. "It seems I have found something to frown at; Mr and Mrs Musgrove's impeccable timing."

Anne giggled, stepping around him. "I am here Nancy." She turned back to Frederick who was untying this horse. "I wish you could travel with us in the carriage."

"I will be best served outside keeping watch on its precious cargo." He brought her hand to his lips bestowing a kiss. "Till Exeter."

She smiled and with a turn of her heel followed after Nancy.


End file.
